Hiatus...

Life's a bit up in the air right now. I haven't felt much like blogging. I just can't force myself, so I am not going to.

I'm sure I'll start blogging again at some point. Maybe in a couple of weeks. I'm really not sure. I may even get my shit together and merge this blog and my other blog. Suffice to say, I'll be back, just check back every now and again. Hopefully, I'll stop feeling like I'm in a funk, like I'm in a haze or cloud and maybe I won't feel so left-behind.

Mostly, everything is ok. Don't be too alarmed. Just can't be bothered too much. Everything is fine. Glen and I are perfectly fine. Life is just a bit blah, it's changing too much and part of it depresses me.

Stay tuned.

A tale of two blogs...

Me thinks that I might take Sonnet's advice, at least for a while, and run two blogs in tandem. However, the question which comes of this is who do I allow to read the private blog and who do I offend by not allowing them?

It's a tough one. I know only a handful of people who read this blog and in the main, I dont mind them reading the juicy gossipy stuff, so if you get an email, you know you are in the 'IN' crowd.

And if you think you deserve to be on the 'IN' crowd list, leave a comment and I shall ponder your case!

Should I stay or should I go...

...If I go there will be trouble
An if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know ...

I am dilemmarising. I want a blog that offers password protection and so far, my enquiries with blogger have not given me the response I want. I have opened an account with a rival blogging party, but I am torn by the fact that it is both slow to use, and a hassle to move my blog, yet again.

So, please inform me people. What shoudl I do? I really want to write some private posts, where only certain people can read. I know that some people might be offended when I don't give them the password, but I need to be myself and I need to be open and honest in my own way.

So yeh, please give me advice. If I do move, it'll be a work in progress and it might mean having two blogs open at once whilst I get my shit together.

When you wished you possessed the flexibility...

Suzuki Burgman 400
Originally uploaded by Sams76.

Over the last few years, I have become inherently aware of myself, my personality and all the annoying aspects which come with knowing me, and being my friend.

No, I am not picking at myself, or being critical. I am simply being aware of who I am.

I am the person, who when asked how they are, gives you more information than you really asked for. One example is my new chiropractor. The poor man asked me why I had come to him and left my old chiropractor. Any normal person would have invented something simple and without dilemma, not me. I told him the truth – the long winded, drawn out version.

What was the truth?

I babbled. It sounded a bit like this:
Sam: “Mr Nice Chiropractor Man, I came to see you because I cannot see my old chiro. This is because I just sold my lovely scooter, the source of my freedom, so that I can save for a better scooter. This would mean that I would no longer have to suffer being tailgated on the freeways, that I can outrun any annoying vehicles and travel in style!”
Chiro: Nods and asks me to turn my head to the left.
Sam: “So, I have sold my scooter and I cannot see my old chiro. However, it’s convenient to come here, as it’s across the road from work and that’s useful! As it is, I wouldn’t be able to see you if I had to find transport there. Because, remember I have sold my source of freedom and general transport!”
Chiro: Rolls eyes and asks me to turn my head to the right.
Sam: General babble about missing scooter.

Words fail me here, like they don’t, but really should in situations like this. I often volunteer far more information than I should. When people ask me how I am, I need to learn to ignore the truth of it all, be fake and respond, “Fine!” However, I am just not very good at the small talk, so I talk about the stuff I know – my life.

The scary part of it is that I never really hear myself babbling about scooters and how I came to be on a chiropractor’s table discussing them. It is only in retrospect that I hear myself and shudder.

It’s just as well really, I am not fond of this chiropractor and I am sure that once I get my new scooter, I’ll go back to my old chiro, who doesn’t mind a bit of scooter chatter – for the last 3 years, he’s been telling me he’ll buy one. Maybe when he sees this baby sitting out the front, he’ll get the bug.

PS: You might ask about the meaning of the title. Ever wondered when if foot in mouth disease was ever very useful? It’s times like these when I really wish I couldn’t get a sentence out, that I wish for a very large, not so hairy foot, to be shoved in my gob, thereby preventing me from looking like a babbling fool.

New Template...

Last night I was bored. I was bored with everything, including this blog. I've been meaning to update it for a while, but just don't have the gift of html like others do. So, I decided to just use one of blogger's templates. However, I really should have done some homework, as I seem to have lost my archived files. I might need to get Glen to sort it out for me, as I have no patience for it.

Anyway. Yes, it has been a while since I have updated. And yes, that usually means that I have been a bit down. But I have been busy, so it kinda evens up. I started to write about the crap that has been happening in the last week or so, but I have deleted it. It's kinda redundant and I am trying to get past it. And let me say, it's nothing hugely bad, just a bad week, and I think we've all had them.

In good news, I test rode the scooter I am hoping to buy, and after much umming and ahhing and stressing, it looks like I might be able to take delivery of the thing in about a fortnight, if all goes to plan. Please keep your fingers crossed for me over the next few days :)

The last thing I'll report is that Midgy developed a hernia from her desexing operating last Friday week. She's a burmese and far too active, described as a monkey by our vet, who also has burmese. So, she had to go back in for surgery on Friday jsut gone to repair the damage. She has more stitches and a bigger hole. And as a result, she has been confined to a cage for the next 12 days. Poor little girl. Keep her in your thoughts. I really hope that she heals properly this time, as we are doing all the right things.

Maybe in the next few days, I'll blog some more. Maybe I won't.

Finally, I am thinking of moving my blog to a new blog-client, somewhere where I can make private some entries. Any ideas, please let me know in comments or email me.

Kitten Owner's Ten Commandments

This could be applied to just about any animal. It really makes you think.

"A Kitten's Viewpoint"

1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you will be painful for me. Remember that before you get me.

2. Give me time to understand what you want from me.

3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial to my well being.

4. Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up as punishment. Short time outs to help me learn are fine but not long times with no contact. You have your work, entertainment and friends. I have only you.

5. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand your voice.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I'll never forget it.

7. Please don't hit me. I can't hit back, but I can bite and scratch and I really don't want to do that.

8. Before you scold me for being uncooperative, obstinate or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, or I've been out in the sun too long, or my heart is getting old and weak.

9. Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old.

10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch" or "Let it happen in my absence".

Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember. I love you.

Aella and Midget in the Garden of Good and Evil Butterflies

Aella and Midget in the Garden of Good and Evil Butterflies
Originally uploaded by Sams76.

My friend Di painted this.

I'm immensely proud of her talent.

I own about 5-6 pieces of her art. I hope to own more in the coming months and years.

I've always wanted to collect a series of artworks, and I really love Di's work. It's colourful, which is a big thing for me and it's themes are animals - something else I love.

I highly recommend her stuff. She's got a gift this girl. And I am proud to say that I have known her since we were 13.

Would you like some fries with your salt?

Firstly, let me recount this story to you. This afternoon, I skipped out on work by about an hour. I figured I was owed from the long hours produced last week and subsequent stress it caused me. So, I caught the train home (my new lot in life, since my wheels have gone to their new home) and then picked up the car at the station and drove to the supermarket. Standing in line, wishing I was standing in the Super Duper Express line, instead of the snails pace, I'm ageing as we speak line. When I finally got to the register, I started to unpack my stuff, giving it to the displeased service girl, as she went through the motions (and let me tell you, she looked like she'd have more fun passing a motion), when one of her colleagues walked over with what I can only describe as a turd-sized piece of sweet potato. She asked my motionless service chick whether the customer was allowed to cut a piece of the sweet potato off the whole piece and buy that. My chicky-dee didnt know the answer and advised her to speak to the manager, and rightly so! So, the other chick called for the manager of the fruit and vege department to come to the service desk. By this stage, customer was getting a little more than pissed about the situation and started giving her grief.

As I was leaving with my paid purchases, the last thing I heard come out of his mouth was "Havent you got better things to do than be petty?"

Irony is a bitch.

_____________________________________________________________________

The weekend in review, mostly in order:

• Went to the movies on Friday night and saw Children of Men - very good, very Orwellian.
• Helped a friend whose car had died and drove her home
• Went to the motorbike store to pick up a part for Glen's bike and take a test ride of my one true love - the Suzuki Burgman 400, only to arrive in pouring rain and realise it just wasn't going to happen
• Ten minutes later, as we were leaving, the sun began shining. Just wasn't meant to be
• Drove to inlaws place with Clio in the back. She slept the entire way
• Spent a few hours at inlaws, Clio romped with Jake, the german shepherd. It was love
• Came home and collapsed from exhaustion
• Fed animals, microwave died
• Cursed the microwave
• Next day (Sunday), purchased a new funky microwave, kettle and toaster - had to buy in threes!
• Toaster is faulty and going back next weekend. Grrr.
• Mowed the lawn and did all good things related to housework.
  
• Watched some TV
• Went to bed, shortly thereafter freaked out by what can only be described as either a plane breaking the sound barrier nearby, or a very low flying 747 plane over the roof! Freaked out too much to sleep properly.
  
• This morning discovered it was a 2.9 earth tremor in nearby Caulfield. Grrr. First earthquake related type event. Never want to relive.
  

Anyway, sorry for the crap update. Really tired and headachy. Need to relax without a PC in front of me. Talk more later.

I lost my virginity to richter

We felt this last night. It freaked me out so much, I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. It never occurred to me that it was an earthquake and even now, I am slightly in denial. I am finding myself asking the big question, "Will it happen again?" and "Are we living in an earthquake area now?"

It sucks. It felt like a huge 707 was flying low over our house and we sat there in silence, wondering what the fuck it was until Glen concluded that it was either some jets pushing the sound barrier or a nearby factory exploding from fire. We never heard the fire truck sirens, so it couldn't have been the latter.

It was my first and I hope, the last.

Incommunicado...

I know I owe a bunch of people email. I have been very quiet the last few days, and probably part of last week. There's a good reason for this. The network link at work is down. That means, email and internet access have been completely useless for work access since Monday morning! I've had to work from home the past few days to get my document done, which is due Friday. Not impressed. It makes it very hard to communicate with people via email and phone, whom you'd normally see in person in the office.

We'll survive. But can I just say that T*elstra are fucking pricks! Honestly, how long does it take to fix the network access in a building? That's right, the entire building is without internet and email. This means, 14 floors! 14!

Grrr.

Anyway, am having breakfast, then off to the chiropractor before heading into work to see whether the network is up, down or in between. Such a debacle.

So, please forgive me for my silence, be patient and we'll resume our normal programming shortly.

You’ve got that burning feeling…

No, this isn’t an entry about genital itch or burning sensations when you pee! It’s about the gym and those evil bastard people better known as Personal Trainers.

It’s no secret (although, I don’t know whether I’ve mentioned it here?) that I have been seeing a personal trainer (PT) for a few weeks, as part of my “Let’s stop being a big fat slob and develop some muscles in my body” goal. So far, it has been fine and the guy I see is quite friendly and supportive. I don’t feel like a big slob in front of him and even when I push out two sit ups before screaming in agony about the pain, he’s still encouraging me.

I go during the day at work, once a week. When I planned this with him, I analysed the times of the day and week when I would be less likely to pike out on him, resulting in me feeling guilty to the point where I ignored his phone calls in the end and never saw him again!

It worked out that Thursday mornings at 11am suited best. This decision was not made lightly and was determined for the following reasons:

• I was less likely to develop my afternoon headache/migraine if I went in the morning.
• Thursdays were a good way to push myself into the weekend after starting slow on Monday.
• It got me out of that “oh-so important sales meeting”, and
• Because my first session with him was a Tuesday and meant that I could stretch the time before seeing him for the second session which followed the Thursday after!

Today’s session started badly. In fact, it started long before I got to the gym. It’s beginning to get stinking hot here, where the nights don’t bring much relief and the days you are sweating in your clothes before you even get to work. I love that sweaty bum thing you get on the scooter. It’s very lady-like and sometimes I feel like people are staring at my “just peed my pants” look after I get off the bike seat! Nonetheless, it happens to us all!

Upon discarding the just peed my pants bike gear, I got to work and received a charming email from one of our specialist people, admonishing me for not painting his profession in the best light possible. So, felt it necessary to send me an email, thereby painting a picture of him less than flattering and probably more damaging than anything I could do to him! Having said that, he Cced my manager, perhaps thinking that my boss might yell at me? He doesn’t know my boss.

I left work, headed for the gym in a very bad mood and took one look at my PT and said, “This IS NOT a GOOD DAY!” His response? “It’s about to get better then!” As if!

I was subjected to crunches, pull ups, push ups, steps and whatnot, all of which portrayed me in the most unflattering poses. Thank god I don’t need to be multitasking at the gym and keeping an eye out for a suitable suitor because it just wouldn’t work! Who wants to flirt with a sweaty mammoth who’s face is redder than a tomato? Alrighty then!

I think I told my PT that I hated him about 31 times, cursed him another 49 times and gave up another 123 times, only to endure another set of whatever he was killing me with, as punishment!

Here’s a word to the wise – don’t abuse your PT – they get a huge kick out of making you do another set. I think it’s because it shuts you up because you are so out of breath that you can’t blurt out those expletives! Let’s face it, they don’t get paid that much, and they do their job for love of it and because they are sadistic!

Of course, I pay him for it and I’ll be back next week for the pleasure and to be told, “Feeeeeeel the burn, Sam!”

How do you exact revenge on a PT?

The end of an era

Scooter for Sale
Originally uploaded by Sams76.

Today was a pretty sad day for me. I took a sizable deposit for the purchase of my beloved scooter. The new owner was pretty in love with it, so I feel ok about letting it go home with her in a few days. You might scoff to hear me say ‘beloved’, as I’ve spent the last few months cursing the bloody thing. It’s starting to show its age and doesn’t get me out of those tight situations like I want it to. Of course, it has nothing to do with the fact that it’s hauling my lard arse around constantly. Noooo!

Anyway, it’s all good. I’ll have to resign myself to the fact that I’ll be spending at least the next three months schlepping it with the rest of the commuting population and catching the stinky train. Might I add that the primary reason I bought the scooter back in 2004 was because I was sick of the trains, so I am certain that I’ll save ultra fast for a new one!

It’s pretty sad for me. The scoot represented a certain degree of freedom and confidence that I hadn’t had in years. I highly recommend the experience to anyone whose self worth and confidence are at rock bottom, or close to. It’s very liberating to pull on the throttle and hurtle along at break-neck speeds, with the breeze in your face and your tongue lolling around like a drug-induced Labrador in the back of the family car! You get about so much quicker than the rest of the commuting population and you pay an offensive small amount of money in fuel each week. It’s just sweet.

You do have to put up with morons on the road who believe you don’t deserve an entire lane to yourself, or that you aren’t travelling fast enough. And then there are the fools who like to tailgate and intimidate smaller scoots, such as mine. Which is exactly why I’m getting a kickass 400cc after Christmas. No one will mess with this biker chick!

The upside to train travel – not many, but the fact that you get to catch up on some good book reading, which I haven’t done in God knows when. And, listening to your Ipod with real headphones! Amazing concept. I won’t have to worry about changing out of stinky bike gear, messing up my perfectly coifed hair or sweltering under the helmet, jacket and gloves every summer! And mostly, I won’t have to bitch and moan about my numb or sore arse. Yes readers, you get a terribly numb bum from riding my scooter. Admittedly, it was not built for long distance commuting, but that metal bar under the rider’s seat is a real bitch. Highly unrecommended!

And most of all, I’ll miss that little hopeful face at the driveway gate every afternoon, with that knowing and expectant look on her little black face, as she hears me buzzing up the street on my little 150cc scoot. Clio has fabulous ears and can tell whether it’s me or Glen coming home and has already plonked herself in her usual position, waiting for us to appear up the driveway. I’ll miss that.

When all dignity has gone…

This morning, as I was getting ready to go to work, I saw Tilly, my oldest and most cat-like cat wandering into the laundry for her morning poop. Yes, she has a routine that I am all too familiar with. It includes having breakfast, which usually consists of some tasty cat milk, a small clean and nap, preceded by a morning poop and then a mad morning run around the house to celebrate her religious pooping experience.

This morning, it was slightly different. I was standing there eating my vegemite on multigrain toast, enjoying the peace and quiet, when I looked over to her in her litter box, doing her business and I thought to myself, “Geez, she must be really relieving herself!” Well, no I didn’t exactly think that, but it was a little more vulgar in nature, but you get the drift.

I walked over to her and asked her what she was doing – as you do and realised she hadn’t pooped anything, but was struggling to do number twos! She jumped out of the litter box, turned around to peer at what she hadn’t done and then ran out of the laundry into the kitchen. Upon arriving in the kitchen, she sat her butt down on the polished wood floor and dragged her arse across the room. However, if you know anything about polished wood floors, you know that they aren’t conducive to butt dragging exercises!

So, I did the only thing a mother would do. I grabbed a wad of paper towelling, had Glen hold her still on the floor and wiped her butt. However, she still had a large portion of her business stuck up her butt, so I had to remove the offending item. This occurred after much to-ing and fro-ing before it would ‘release’. You see, the dumb cat had been eating grass. Well, eating isn’t an accurate term, because if she ate the grass, it wouldn’t have been pulled from her butt holding all her poop together like a string of sausages!

To finish, Tilly ran away at high speed, leaving me to clean her business and mop the floor, and shortly after that, washing my hands thoroughly!

It was very reminiscent of the time a few years ago when she went through a very similar experience of number twos not coming out, by running around dragging her butt over the carpet – the CREAM carpet! I chased her around the house, pulling red cotton thread dotted with poop from her butt, which seemed to go on forever and ever. Yes, you read it correctly – ream and reams (no pun intended) of red cotton sewing thread, which she had eaten.

If that didn’t kill her, I should have! Honestly, the cat acts smart, but under that cat-like gaze, she’s as dumb as they come!

Obviously my leisurely morning breakfast was ruined and I am forever off vegemite!

Office Politics

Today, I sat at my desk, viewing a whole wad of documents that I needed to print. I was conflicted, do I sit and print one and rush to the printer to claim it, before it gets sucked into the abyss of other people’s printing, never to be seen again, or do I print the entire lot and hope to God that they come home safely with me, and not in someone else’s pile?

I was conflicted. As I sat there thinking about what is best to do, I thought how irritating it can be to see someone just pick up paper from the printer, without looking at it and wandering off to their desk. It is one of my pet peeves working in an office.

People just don’t get it, they have no concern for anyone around them and think that the printer was put there for their own use. It’s just maddening.

Then there’s the people who print reams of paper, leaving no room for the rest of us with one or two pages to send through. So, you invariably stand there waiting for a whole pile of printing to get done before you pick up your half page document.

And then there are the people who stand behind you huffing and moaning and groaning at the printer, whilst you photocopy or print something. They have no patience or tolerance and act as if you are there getting a tan! I love standing at the printer, staring off into space as I mindlessly wait for my documentation to come through. I am sure I have better things to do.

So, I sat there at my PC, agonising as to whether I should print one document at a time, or send all of them through to the printer, finally deciding to send all of them through and make a quick run to the printer. As I rushed to the printer, I realised that no one else was hovering around, waiting for printouts, so snatched up my printing and scurried back to my desk.

As I sat at my desk, feeling smug and very efficient, I worked my way through the pages. This took me about 30 minutes to review. When I got to one of the final pages and saw Joe Bloggs name at the time, imagine my surprise when I realised the one thing I strived not to be, was who I was – a hypocritical document thief!

You just can’t win, can you?

So, I did the only honourable thing you can do in that sort of shared office supplies situation – I scurried back to the printer, dumped the offending page on the printer and ran like a bat-out-of-hell back to my desk before the owner could trace the missing page to me!

Ironic, isn’t it?

This was a true story brought to you by the letter H – Hypocrite and the letter N – Naive Fool.

Relieving the past...

We had a productive day in the kitchen today. We finally got the exhaust fan installed, like I said below. All is good - well, it's getting better.

Tonight, I decided to have a shower because it was getting late and my knee was killing me. The hot shower really helped. Outside in the kitchen, Glen was preparing our lunches for work tomorrow. You see, in our house we have wooden floorboards and so, it's very easy to hear when someone is walking around. So, I'm washing my hair and letting the hot water run over my head and warm me, when I hear him walking around the house. To me, in the shower, it sounds rather heavy, like he's cranking and instantly, I freak out and expect him to come crashing through the bathroom door to yell at me.

Why would I think that? My childhood.

Whenever I did something wrong, my mother would yell and it has had a very big impact on my life. I don't respond well to loud noises, yelling or anyone who 'appears' to be unhappy with me. I totally crumble and get very upset. I am rather sensitive to a person's mood, so if they sound unhappy or irritable, I instantly feel like I've caused it.

Please hear me when I say this, Glen has never yelled at me, never chastised me or burst into the room after I've done something wrong. He isn't that kind of person. I am so totally lucky that I shouldn't have to feel insecure like I used to. I shouldn't feel on edge and uncertain about his moods. But I do.

This is my childhood upbringing and this doesn't fault my mother, because she never hit me. Yes, she raised her voice and I guess that's why i respond so quickly to someone yelling. I'm just very sensitive to it.

So, I sit here, thankful that I live with a very caring person who loves me for who I am and who doesn't treat me like a child. However, I still feel on edge, I still expect to be yelled at and chastised and I'm just waiting and watching his moods, wondering what it is he means when he says something. I read too much into everything.

When will I get over it and what sort of behaviours would I be passing onto my children? It's scary that I might pass on my idiosyncracies and hangups to someone so innocent. And will I yell at my children like my mother, so that they might become 30 years old and still wince when yelled at, or near?

House Warming Invitation

House Warming Invitation
Originally uploaded by Sams76.

Glen and I are getting close to finish out kitchen! Yay! Today, we got the range hood installed, which is a bit of a huge feat for us. Now, all that is left to do is install the pantry light, finish the cornices and paint the architraves and feature wall in the adjoining dining area.

Anyway, if you are in Melbourne and you know me fairly well, you are probably welcome to come. :) If that's the case and you are free, email me or leave a comment. I don't expect anyone will want to come that I already haven't invited, but you never know :)

Get a life!

I'm noticing these days that a lot of people who are around my age are complaining that their lives lack purpose, they lack direction and don't understand where their place is in the world. They are tired and lost, think time is running out and are generally dejected and depressed about it.

I'm one of those lost individuals, struggling to find her place in this world. I'm lacking direction, and don't know what my purpose is. As a result, I seem to flit from one thing to another, without finishing things; for I get halfway through a task and realise that it's not really what I wanted. For example, I started a teaching degree a few years ago, got maybe 1/3 the way through and lost interest. This was partly due to the fact that it was hard to study and work at the same time, because I had moved to Melbourne and found a life and also realised that I would infact be earning much less than I was currently. Yes, money spoke and I listened.

So, recently I have been wondering what life was meant to hold for me. What was my higher purpose? I am struggling to come to terms with it and what it means to my life. Right now, I feel that if my life ended today, no one would really have much to say at my funeral. What would they say? There isn't much. I mean, they can't say, "survived by children...", "grandmother to..." or "founding member of...". There's just nothing there and it really makes me feel empty and lost.

I am lost and I'm struggling with that concept. I am 30 years old and I haven't found my place in this world.

It's a good day to not get up...

Yesterday, Melbourne had it's first hot day. I suffered a little, but in the main, I was safely ensconced in my office, enjoying the air conditioning. Last night, I suffered in the heat, we put the air conditioning on and when I went to bed, I put the fan on. It didn't help and I spent the majority of the night, tossing and turning. I think I got about 3 hours of sleep and this morning, I woke up with a lovely headache and a churning stomach. Lack of sleep just does that to me. So, I stayed home. yay for me, not. I hate being at home, there's nothing to do and it's boring, which is basically the same thing. However, it's been good as I have been clearing the crap off the set top box!

In other news, it's a real bitch to have a blind pimple above my left eyebrow on the bone. It's really painful and I feel like Quasi Moto. Grrr.

Fucking get over it!

Click the title above to read the news article I had the misfortune to read today.

Can you seriously get a fucking clue? Does it freakin' matter? I think not!!

Report real news. Research more important things. Stop sweating the small stuff.

Honestly. It's just pathetic.

One Little FUCKING word people!

One little ONE SYLLABLE WORD!

Sheesh.

Update only

Just a bit of an update.

Friday, I got fitted with my orthotic innersoles at the podiatrist. He's very optimistic about my future. Apparently the arches on my feet collapse, which places pressure on my knees, which in turn puts pressure on the muscle which connects to my hips and then gives me migraines because of the pressure it places on my spine. So, I suppose if I got my feet sorted out, maybe I won't get migraines? It'd be nice.

As usual, the weekend flew past without feeling like much was accomplished. Oh sure yeh, we accomplished a fair bit. Cleaned the spare room, unpacked some boxes, filled the garbage bins, drilled some holes etc.

Same old shit.

Bah Humbug...

Sorry for the lack of posting. I've either been busy or sick, or both. The weekend has kinda come and gone, and am pleased to say that Glen and I got a lot done around the place.

We had a curbside collection this week, so got into the garage and cleared out all the junk. We filled the curb with kitchen cupboard doors, bits of crap wood, some old exercise equipment, dodgy suitcases and various other crap. It was very cleansing and what resulted was a garage which no longer barely fit two motorbikes in it but can also fit a car in it, with ease.

On a completely unrelated topic. Melbourne had gale-force winds last week and over the weekend. Whilst out driving, our car was hit by a random rubber tyre (yeh, wtf?) and then a poor galah, battling to maintain control of his flight path, smashed straight into the side of our car. It was terrible. The poor thing died instantly.

Sprinkled through my weekend and the last few days have been the odd migraine, sore back and cracking floor boards. Yes, floor boards - they are cracking - big fat cracks right through them. Very unsettling, but am told it's fairly benign.

Anyway, this is a boring post. Sorry to click the publish button, but it saves discarding it. Bah humbug.

I kneed a hero...

For as long as I can remember, I've had a clicky right knee. It's just who I was, you know? Anyway, I had noticed a lot that it would get very swollen, bruised and sore after tennis and it has been taking a long time to heal. Anyway, I have begun seeing a personal trainer and he noticed that I wasn't pulling up from training as best I could. He recommended I see a specialist about my knee, which I did on Friday.

The conversation kinda went like this:
Doc: "You've got fatty knees, so I probably won't be able to make an accurate diagnosis."
Me: "Thanks for making me feel <> this big!"
Doc: "Take your jeans off so I can feel your fatty knees".
Me: "No problem. Do you want me to bend over too and take it for the team?"
Doc: "You have wobbly knee caps and they are unusually small"
Me: "Great. So I have teenager knee caps!"
Doc: "Have you dislocated them a lot? I imagine you would have?!"
Me: "What? No! Don't touch them then!" as doctor reefs my knees to and fro.
Doc: "I'll try not to dislocate them" (in an uncertain tone)
Me: "Don't touch my knees!"
Doc: "Ok!"

The crux of it, is this:

I have dodgy, wobbly knees. They are too small, don't sit properly in their allotted place. They dislocate easily - in hindsight, I've often dislocated them without realising it was dislocating. I hyper-extend my knees, which I knew, but this places extra pressure on the ligaments around my knee cap. I am overweight, which obviously puts pressure on my knees. If I don't do something about it, I'm a candidate for knee replacement or whatever it is they do.

It's a bit scary and ever since, I have been accutely aware of them dislocating - they do it a lot. I've also told my mother about it and discovered that I have inherited it from her and in turn, she learnt what her knees were doing when they felt uncomfortable and she had to click them into place.

I kinda feel like a walking disaster. Honestly, I sound like a freaken hyperchondriac when I list off my ailments. It shits me.

Final Countdown...

I have been shit at updating my other blog - It's My Final Countdown. And, as such, it's quite defunct. It's impossible for me to update this site and that site. My life is just a bit too full for me to bother, plus there are things I am foresaking, so it's best I stick with this one and be done with it.

I had my first personal training session today. The good part is, I like my trainer. He's nice, he's shorter, which is just not right, but he's very mindful of all my little idiosyncracies, which is nice. It was quite amusing actually; he asked me what issues I had, so I sat there and said, "Um, I've got a dodgy knee from an old tennis injury back at uni when I tore the muscle and I tore two of the three ligaments in my ankle last year." He noted all of this done an started to talk about the training regime when I interrupted him, "Hang on, I'm not done!" He blinked. I said, "I have muscle compartment syndrome in my legs, I have some back issues, migraines and neck/back tension/muscle spasms, plus there's a family history of blood clots." I stopped. He blinked and then got his stylus out (yes, he was using a PDA!) and he started scribbling. I sat there, wondering whether I sounded more like an hypochondriac, than someone who was merely well-informed about her health? He became educated, "What other issues do you have?" I blinked and said, "Isn't that enough?" We laughed. Very amusing.

We had a good session. It was kinda like a complimentary session, a getting to know you session. I got to know my muscles. Quite well. I also got a lovely headache. I still have that headache. I am about to go have a shower with some nice hot water. I have a feeling this headache is gonna be one of those, so I need to treat it with everything I've got :(

Btw, it's raining outside. Check the radar for Melbourne. It's awesome. I love it. I hate riding in it.

PS...

To everyone touched by 9/11, we still remember tonight.

I still remember five years ago, not being able to sleep, so I got up and sat out in the loungeroom with Glen and watched the news. Shortly after, the news broadcast footage showed the first tower on fire, speculation rife over what happened. Newscasters saying a small plane might have hit the building, or perhaps a bomb in the building. As we were watching the burning building, we were horrified to see the second plane smashed into the second tower and although, neither of us were prepared to admit it, but we could see that plane was certainly not a 'small' plane and we could see there was much more to it than just an off-course plane.

So, we watched in horror and my mind went to all the people we knew over in the US. I knew someone due to visit the World Trade Centre that week. I later learned that he changed his plans at the last minute, but was originally due to visit the building that morning. It's amazing how fate deals its cards. Another story of a distant colleague who had cancelled her dental appointment in the building that morning for a later appointment - she never got there - of course, she saw the news before she even left home.

There are many stories. I have watched too much footage, listened to too many horror stories and seen too many heartbreaking photos. Five years later, I am still not immune and every time I see the plane smash into the building, I feel terrible sadness. When I see that poor man fall from the building ('falling man'), I wonder who will miss him. I see all those people covered in dust and wonder whether they took a small piece of someone with them.

The world is forever changed because of terrorism. I don't always agree with the subsequent response to this event, but the one thing that remains constant is the grief and huge sense of loss we all feel on behalf and for those who lost someone. I just wish we could put it behind us, but instead, every day, we are confronted with the aftermath, with the manhunt and bloodshed, all in the name of justice. How can you move on when it's in your face every day? Time hasn't dulled the pain.

Idle Songs...

Hello, my name is Samantha and I'm a self-confessed Australian Idol fool.

No seriously, I'm an idiot. I know that. I accept it though. I have made my peace with it. I know that every Sunday night, I have no social life, I make sure that dinner is over and done with by the time it starts. I know that Monday morning, before any work begins, the Idol banter begins, "Who did you like?", "Who are your top 3?" and "Who do you think will go?". The conversation goes like this for 10 minutes before I think about switching my machine on and actually doing some work. Yeh, that's what I am paid for!

Tonight was the first elimination. It was to be expected, but you know, I'm losing interest. It's too formulamatic. Too predictable. Too boring. And yet, I still watch it. Foolishly, you might say!

So, who's going to venture a guess as to who will win this year? The baldy-rock dude? The pretty centrefold boy? The opera-come-contemporary female singer? The Irish dude with the twinkle in his eye? The country chick? The little girl who is more reminiscent of a deer caught in the light of a car than a singer? The dude who reminds you of Maurice Gibb?

I promise, this will be the last time I shall discuss Idol. I am finding myself boring. I dare not re-read this entry for fear of becoming embarassed by my unashamed devotion to the idol-order.

Woe is me.

Say No

Click on the title above to send you to the link I am referring to.

I think it's a good idea. :)

Self Loathing...

Thanks everyone who commented or emailed to say they understood, or were sending words of encouragement. It is lovely of you all. And the rest of you, Phft!! :)

I played tennis for the first time since May 2005. It was a very bad night. I tumbled to the ground once, hurting the palms of my hands, bruising my arse and knees. I missed the ball god-knows how many times and I feel wrecked, as I sit here, with an achey back, sore neck and associated bits! Yet, I had fun and there were familiar people there, which was nice. No one judged me, and I felt a little at home. Am hoping that once we get financial, I'll be able to get my racket restrung and regripped. That would be nice, though I am not sure that it will actually help me hit the ball.

Anyway, I am knackered. Truly knackered. I feel I will sleep well tonight. But I have a question for anyone who cares to respond. Is it bad for me to continue pushing myself, playing sport and exercising, if I have glandular, or associated symptoms? I'm still tired, regardless of what I do.

Just a thought.

What would be nice...

Is if I could get through two weeks without being sick, for no reason, thus having to take time off work, I would be a happy girl.

I woke up at 4.30am this morning with a huge migraine. This was despite taking two Mersyndol tablets the night before. By 6.30am, I realised I couldn't go to work, so left a message to say I needed more time to sleep it off. By 10.30am, I know I wasn't going anywhere.

I have slept all day, except to use to the toilet, heat my wheat pillow and have some lunch - lunch, which I brought back up later on in the day. Let me just say, tuna and corn pasta does not taste good second time around. Gah :( Having said that, when I vomitted, I slowly felt better, but honestly, do I have to constantly vomit to make myself better? It's so unpleasant.

There are things in my life I need to change. I feel this would help me feel better and avoid this type of crap. I've been neglecting my health and now I am suffering.

I'm not big on resolutions, or life changing memos to commit to, but these are the things I need to change:

• Get back to the gym, which includes getting a personal trainer.
• Stop eating so much crap, like chocolate and coke.
• Get back into tennis - this is solved, as I'm starting back at tennis tomorrow evening.
• Find my tennis racquet.
  
• Get out at lunchtimes, go for a walk, get fresh air.
• Drink more water.
• Get 8 hours sleep - I've been crap at maintaining a normal bedtime. I know it sounds like I am 12 again and need structure, but that's exactly how it is.
• Finally, get up earlier and walk the poor dog. She's what we've affectionately termed, Our Big Black Barrel.
  

Anyway, a boring entry, but I could give a rats.

RIP Steve Irwin...

Today has been one of those days.

An Australian icon: love him or hate him, Steve Irwin put Australia on the map.

He will be sadly missed.

Rebel without a cause...

I ride on the freeway every morning. And every morning, I ride the freeway with great caution and concern for my wellbeing. This morning, I witnessed a fellow rider, whom I am greatly embarassed to call a 'fellow rider' do something very stupid. There are points on the freeway, like all freeways, where cars and other vehicles must merge into another lane. This morning, I saw a car come up beside the bike, ready to merge into the bike's lane. The cyclist, seeing the car, sped up and I witnessed the car merge into his lane. The cyclist tooted the car with great indignation, the car driver nearly had a heart attack and the bike accelerated to be in front of the car.

My point, you ask?

The cyclist saw the car, the sun was very bright and shiny and the car needed to merge. The cyclist should have decelerated (slightly, it wouldn't have taken much) and the car would have comfortably merged. The car made a fatal mistake of assuming the rider would have given him room. The rider decided to make a point and freak the driver out.

Tell me how that makes anyone feel superior? The bike made a point, but what point and to what potential expense? And the driver was taught what lesson? Not to assume? That bike riders are aggressive and try to assert their rights? Not a great lesson, is it?

What do you do?

I have a dilemma and I think I need advice.

I have this colleague who is a trying personality. Let me describe.

She's 62. She's gushy - everything and everyone is woooonderful! She's highly irritating sometimes but gets very offended when it seems like people are ignoring her - if you are quieter than normal, she thinks it's about her. She won't ask for help with work, but she's all over you when it's a personal thing (offer to cook dinner, wash for you, whatever). She's insecure and needy. She's high maintenance. She needs validation. She isn't thorough.

I have this colleague.

Today, she let us down. Let me start from the beginning.

Last week, colleague and I had a meeting with Fred (not his name). In this meeting, Fred asked us to put some information together. He asked for it a certain way, under certain headings but it was important to jsut get the information in there (keep this in mind). Colleague and I agreed, but it was colleague who was ultimately given responsibility for it. I was support and this was fine - I was flat out with a lot of other things.

Anyway, document is due tomorrow and a review was done today, this time with our manager involved. I was not a part of this review due to my busy nature (yes, i am very important!). Apparently my manager and Fred reviewed the document and manager made a point that the information did not follow the client's headings (as previously discussed in the first meeting). But Fred did not tell manager that it was the original intention to do it that way and it had not been done.

So, being that it was at the 11th hour, I was brought in to review these documents and structure them according to the first meeting. My colleague was given other tasks and I was taken off my other VIDs (Very Important Duties). I was given the brief to rewrite 3 of the 6 documents. However, upon reviewing the other 3, I realised they too needed to be placed into the same format. I spent the entire afternoon rewriting, calling people for the missing information and fuming. As I was doing it, I realised that my colleague had basically done a huge dump of information from our library of information, without reviewing it, without tailoring it and without thinking about the discussion from the first session about structuring it to the client's requirements. Yet, she had spent 'all this time' fluffing around with a document - doing god knows what.

My colleague wanted to know why I was stressing out and shitty. I said that the document hadn't been tailored like the first discussion and needed a lot of work. She turned around and said, "Oh! But that's what Fred said to do and that it would be tailored upon review!" The panic in her voice was evident, like she was excusing herself, trying to defend herself when no one was attacking her.

The thing is, Fred did say this, but he and I both expected that yes, she would dump the information in there, but the expectation was that she begin tailoring the information according to the client's requirements, not sit passively by and wait to be told to do it. All I can think is that all she heard in that meeting was "blah blah blah, dump the information in, blah blah blah".

The basics of our work is this - you dump relevant information in, and then you go back and think more about the requirements and you start to tailor the information. You don't dump the information in and hope to hell the client can work out where the answers lie within the information. It's such a lazy, apathetic attitude. It shits me. Tonight, I was at work later than anyone else, trying to pick up the pieces and cover for her, when I realised that I shouldn't need to. So, I wrote my manager an email and without actually naming her, explained the discussion which originally took place.

What do I do about this woman? She's incompetent and although has had SIMILAR experience in this line of work, wasn't very good at it and still isn't. She pretends to understand what is expected, but has such a romantic notion of things, really doesn't take things in. You just can't rely on her.

How do I talk to my manager about this? I have spoken to him about this on a very high level, but he's so non committal about it. This is his style. It was his style last time when a colleague wasn't performing. I left that job, disheartened. I don't want to leave this job disheartened. I refuse to. I am better than her, more valuable. To me, she is someone who people roll their eyes about and tolerate. She's a bit of a joke unfortunately. A kind heart, but not very professional.

Progress for the Impatient...

We've had a hugely busy weekend, but very productive. Finally, finally the sink has been stuck in - literally. Glen got the silicone glue gun out and stuck that sucker right into its big fat hole! Yay! The cooktop has been plonked into its hole, newly created for it on the weekend. Whilst I was sleeping last night, it was magically stuck in place by the cooktop-sticky-fairy! Amazing! Plus, the oven has been sat in its hole, but is not quite secured. However, it is working and lovely bright red numerals light its display.

All is right with the world - almost :)

It's Monday night here, so on Wednesday, Mr Plumber Man will be visiting us in our lovely house to install the mixer tap, connect the gas to the cooktop, connect the dishwasher and fix up the trap under the sink. Yay! Hopefully by the weekend, we'll be cooking on the cooktop and baking in the oven, plus cleaning all the dishes in the dishwasher!

In other news, I had my talent discussion today. Basically a review of where I want to be, what I see my strength as and what I think I need to get to the next level. My boss, whom I have worked with before seems to have great confidence in my abilities (he's good for the old ego!), so it was quite shocking to hear him say that he couldn't see anyone more perfect for his role than me, ie: when he moved on, he wanted me to replace him. This is a great hononur, but what is more pleasing is to know his manager holds me in high regard and sees me as the next manager of the team. :) Very pleasing. Anyway, my manager basically said that he would undertake to give me more work to do - more of his work every now and then, to get me familiar with his role and he would take more time to mentor me. So, the glass ceiling isn't as close as I thought it would be.

Anyway, still a very tired chicken here. So, off to have my evening shower and prepare for bed. Yes, I am a nanna.

Developments...

A few things.

I seem to have been converted over to the new Beta Blogger. Hopefully I like it. It's not like I am used to, so I guess that sucks a bit, but shit happens.

Secondly, and it's not an afterthought, I've just been avoiding talking about it because I haven't really known what to say. I seem to have been tired a lot recently. I mean, I am talkin a few months. I've been weary, grumpy, tired and generally fatigued. It culminated last week with my vomitting episode and two days away from work. I got blood tests, yadda yadda and yesterday, went to the doctor to get the results. My kidneys and liver are fine. My thyroid is fine. My iron levels are fine. Etc etc. The test for Glandular Fever came back inconclusive. Yeh, I know. doctor said that she wanted another test, but suspects that I've either had Glandular, or have it.

So, I'm taking it easy. Or trying to. I'm going to bed earlier and my boss has been very understanding when I feel like falling asleep at my desk in the afternoons. I hope it passes. It sucks and I'm not the type of person who usually gets sick. It's just not me. But I have no one to blame but myself. I should have been taking care of myself. I should have been sleeping more. I should have been eating better - fruit and vegetables. So, I'm on the road to eating better, sleeping more and being nicer to myself.

In the meantime, this is Grumpy Sam, signing off.

Bloody beta crap!

I made the mistake of logging on to beta blogger last night to see what all this fuss is about. Suddenly, I am unable to log onto blogger tonight to enter a simple entry. Freakin' annoying. Ended up having to reset my password which is unacceptable. Grrr.

______________________________________________________________________

Messages received on the home phone this afternoon : three
Messages from : Pathology from yesterday's excruciating blood sucking experience
Nature of message one : Oh sorry, we were so incompetent that that we didn't get enough blood from you and didn't torture you enough by wiggling and wretching the needle in your hand, we need to do it all again
Nature of message two : Different person, telling me they fucked up and needed more blood and did I mention we're sorry, oh yeh, we're sorry and at the end, we're very sorry (and incompetent)
Nature of message three : Oh! We put our one sole brain cell to work and realised we could use the existing blood to test for the final test requested! We're brilliant and we're saving you the hassle of coming back in so we can torture you again and say "Shit" when we see your veins, or rather, can't see them!

Morons! I swear. Suffice to say, throughout message one and two, I'm standing there fuming, bitching at Glen, vowing never to go back to that god-awful excuse for a pathology unit.

Grrrrr.

/rant off
/time for bed
/time to take a chill pill

Health

Yesterday, I visited the doctor, mainly to get a medical certificate for the days I had been away from work. Standard guff, until the doctor started asking questions about how I had been feeling for the last few months. Fatigued and tired, I said. So, off I was sent to get a blood test. Btw, I passed out from the blood test. This is due to inheriting a body which hides its veins, making it near impossible for anyone to extract blood. As the 'vampire' said to me, my body isn't keen to share.

Anyway, the story is this. I've probably got a virus, hence the headaches, vomitting and tiredness. However, the doctor suspects I might either have glandular fever or an iron deficiency, hence the blood tests. Although, my liver and kidneys are being tested during this blood analysis, so who knows. I guess they indicate such issues too?

I guess this explains why I have been grumpy and tired, lacked motivation and energy. Well, I assume there's a medical reason. I've been feeling deflated for about 4 months now, that I can remember.

Wish me luck. I'm not concerned about there being anything serious wrong. I'm just not that kind of person. Always been very healthy and never had anything majorly wrong. Yeh yeh, I know that any time is a good time to start being unhealthy, but that's just not me. If anything, I reckon it's an iron deficiency, and as a result, I've invested in some multivitamins for women, so hopefully that'll assist.

Test results come back Monday, so will fill you in, if you care!!! Hahahaha! :)

I keep reading other people's blogs and I keep thinking that I haven't be reciprocating by posting something witty and equally as engaging to make people wnat to visit my blog.

I jsut don't have it in me right now. I have nothing, in fact.

I'm sluggish and exhausted, fatigued and without motivation. It's showing in every part of my life.

I woke up in the early hours of yesterday morning with a big migraine and a great desire to vomit. I did that, I went back to bed and woke up a little later. Still with a headache, still with a desire to vomit. So, I did that again and went back to bed - not before letting my boss know that I wasn't coming in.

Last night, I went to bed developing a headache. I woke up during the night with a thumping headache and it was still around when the alarm went off this morning. So, I decided not to go to work again. I've been sitting on the lounge most of the day, feeling completely blah, feeling trapped in my blahness.

So, there's probably no fabulously insightful blog entry here. In fact, I feel pretty crap and I don't really know why. The headache has gone, but I feel fatigued and I'm wondering if that's because I'm sitting around all day, or because I am sleeping more because I am tired and not well.

I guess once I feel more alive and living, the blog entries will come back. I just dont have the motivation or enthusiasm to really write. I'm basically living for the weekends right now and they aren't much fun recently!

Anyway, I'll be back at some point.

Midget

Midget, originally uploaded by Sams76.

The breeder sent me photos of Midget this afternoon. Midget is Aella's litter sister, but was kept by the breeder because she was born a runt and with a badly functioning kidney. Anyway, Midget is coming home with us on Friday night!

Woo! I'm scared and excited.

It makes us a four-cat family! Scary stuff!!

Clio loves Aella!!!

More You Tube goodness...

Burmese Jumping Bean...

Glen took this video last night of Aella.

Vicious Hammer

Finally, I have joined the realm of Utubers.

I present Clio, aged 14 weeks old, attacking one very vicious hammer.

Changes...

I'm still around, just finding it hard to find the groove, you know? When things are up in the air at home, with no real kitchen and everything boxed up, it's really hard to maintain stability and normalcy. I need routine and order and without that, I am lost.

On the kitchen front, Glen and I made a commitment to get stuck into it this weekend and try to get some major things done, like the hole for the sink cut etc. It doesn't help that he'll be working most of Sunday for open day, but the overtime money will be very useful. Also, I spoke to the shop today and our oven package has all bar the rangehood, arrived at the store. Once that happens, they'll make arrangements for it to be delivered. Yay! When I get paid in a week or so, we'll get the dishwasher. God knows how long it'll take to get the plumber out. Grrr. If anyone knows of a good plumber in Melbourne, please let me know.

Have been trying to make changes to my life, including trying to eat better by limiting my carb intake and getting back to the gym. I've managed to get to the gym yesterday and today, but am not going tomorrow, as I'm coming down with a cold! Argh. Just not fair. I was looking into getting a personal trainer to keep me motivated, but with this cold, I don't think it's worthwhile yet. My boss has been very supportive and I've been able to get to the gym during non-peak times.

You know what I found at the gym? None of the girls in the change rooms have any modesty. Today, for example I walked into the change room and like always, I got my gym gear together and toddled off to the toilets to get into my clothes. When I came back to put my work clothes in my locker, I saw a small woman run to from the change rooms to the showers, wearing nothing but a t-shirt. My view was of a bare bum bobbing up the ramp to the showers. Later, whilst walking up the showers for my own shower, I was given an eyeful of frontal exposure of another t-shirt-only wearing gym-dweller. It was more than my poor eyes could take.

Don't people have any measure of modesty these days? I know I'm not an oil painting when naked, and I never have been - even as a teen and young adult, but even if I was trim and taunt, I still don't think I would bounce around in a semi-public forum. So tell me blog-world, do you as a female have a tendency to bounce around semi-naked in front of others you do not know? Is this something you are comfortable with? Because, I tell ya, I sure as hell don't like the idea of showing the world what's 'downstairs'! There's only one person in my life who's privy to viewing me in all my nakedness!

Anyway, that's my week so far. Right now I am feeling rather tired and fatigued, so am going to have a lovely hot shower and hop into bed.

Take care everyone.

Back to normal...

Since my Sydney trip last week, I have been blessed with headaches, sore backs and neck aches. This doesn't count the fatigue included which just eggs on the pain. Grr. Anyway, after two visits to the chiro since Friday, I am feeling better. However, I had to stay home today to feel better. I'm not opposed to some personal days from work, but I usually prefer it to be more enjoyable! Grr.

Anyway, I'm back and alive.

Sydney trips were nice, got to meet a lot of nice colleagues and really felt like I was part of a team.

Been having lots of niggling feelings about maternal clocks ticking and a little bit of navel gazing regarding this topic. I've always been fairly adament about families, in that they are nice, but I didn't think I had much to add to this topic, especially not becoming a mother. Now, I feel a bit different and am starting to linger when I see little kids running around, especially babies when they react to their surroundings. I especially feel it from people who blog, like Sonnet, Margie and Erika, who make motherhood seem so appealing, despite all the uphevels involved. I guess I want to feel complete and I couldn't think of a better person to share this with than with Glen. I don't always feel like this and there are times where I feel perfectly selfish and not all maternal. But I'm starting to notice that this maternal instinct is rearing it's ugly head more and more often.

What to do? It's a tough thing. Because not only do I have this internal struggle in my head, but the financial and logistical nightmare of it. I'm very conscious of the fact that I will most likely always be the highest income earner in our family. And that's not to belittle what Glen contributes, but because he's very satisified with his job and has no great ambitions to climb, he can't move further up the food chain and therefore will always earn the same income. Whereas, I can earn bonuses and increments to my salary. My type of job is very specialised and there aren't many of us out there, so I can almost afford to pick and choose. With this choice comes nice income. We really couldn't afford for me to be an at-home mum.

Oh bah humbug. The joys of life. Discussions have been had about kids and the basic consensus is that they would be nice to have, but let's wait until we've paid some of our mortgage off and perhaps gotten rid of the car loan. But what's to say that if we did all of that, that I was actually fertile, could have children, or that Glen was physically able to have them? What if we waited until we were financially able to have them, only to discover that we couldn't? That would be a waste, almost.

Grrr.

Too much time to think today.

Need to watch some tv and just ignore these fresh feelings.

OMG. This is just twisted shit

Blade Runner?

From Centrepoint Tower, originally uploaded by Sams76.

Just uploaded a stack of photos to flickr. Some from my Sydney trip this week and a bunch of Aella with Tilly and Zeus.

Enjoy :)

Will post a proper entry shortly, just a bit tired from the trip and currently have a migraine from all the sitting around in meetings and stupid Airtrek simulations - I'll discuss later.

Tell me something I don't know...

Just in case you missed it, the title above holds a link to a story which was posted on a local newspaper website today and it pretty much sums up my thoughts.

Productivity

My Weekend...

Friday night : No, we won't purchase any kitchen appliances because we can't afford it and it's too annoying to bother looking.

Saturday afternoon : Maybe we should look at some stores and see what we can get when we do have enough money?

Saturday night : Let's go out tomorrow and purchase just the oven package and leave the dishwasher to another time.

Sunday afternoon : Totally demoralised at Hardly Normal and Goofy Guys, we rock up to Retrovision assuming they'll give us the same story - "Sorry, but that package isn't that cheap anymore".

Sunday evening : Feeling smug as Retrovision beats original package price by $120. Deposit has been paid, oven package arrives in about a week. YAY! It feels a bit more real.

Monday morning : Absolutely no work was done on the kitchen. Slackness.

Oven, gas cooktop and rangehood have been linkified here.

Dishwasher will be procured upon receiving next pay packet.

Revelation...

I've been riding my scooter for almost three years. In that time, I have always worn the same full face helmet.

Tonight was a breakthrough for me.

I realised that I could lick the inside of my helmet whilst I was wearing it.

Very revealing, I know.

All good things must come to an end...

Glen had to work overtime today, so I made the most of the day by cleaning the house, re-arranging the loungeroom and driving to my favourite dress shop to find some clothes.

On the way to the shops, my heart broke. On the other side of the road laid a cat, obviously been hit by a car. I couldn't stop thinking about him and did a big u-turn to go look at him. For whatever reason, I couldn't make myself get out of the car to pick him up and take him to the side of the road. I noticed some blood coming from his nose and knew that was a pretty good indication that he was dead and I couldn't help him. So, I chickened out and drove to the shops.

I am ashamed.

I made a promise to myself that on the way back from the shops, which was less than an hour round trip for me, that I would pick him up and give him his dignity, rather than run the risk of being run over by a car's tyres. When I was driving back, I was half hoping not to see him. As I came up the hill I was desperately trying to locate him, but it seemed that someone else, with more guts than me, had given him his dignity and taken him away - whether it was his owner or just someone who cared. Either way, he wasn't on the side of the road either.

I came home and was reminded why I copped shit from people about keeping my cats inside, rather than letting them be free in 'their natural state'. My cats are happy and healthy, loved and warm. They have a good life and I want to continue that for them.

So, think twice before you criticise a cat owner who keeps their cats indoors and remember that next time you see a poor cat lying dead on the side of the road - their owner should have cared more and should have taken care of them better.

And let it be known, I am not criticising those who have their cats outside, but at the same time, don't criticise those of us who have made a different choice. It's a basic parenting principle - we all do things differently.

Not Dead...

No, I am not dead.

Glen's away this week and I guess I am laying low. Between working back late some nights and having to dose the cats up with their drugs, I'm just a bit tired of reality right now.

Anyway, I'm around just quiet.

We Didn't Start The Fire...

I was reading some material this week which might help me do my job. I came across this cool document which discusses the differences in today’s workforces. Basically the document wrote that HR departments need to treat their workforces; not as one, but as four because of the different generations – one being Generation Y. And although my age states I am in fact a Generation Xer, I can totally relate to some of the things they discussed, and the following.

I can totally relate to the “Work to Live” philosophy. I grew up as a child of divorce, although not witnessing it, I was the product of the uncertainty surrounding it and the instability in our household income etc. I have no affiliation or loyalty to any workplace. However, I have loyalty to my immediate team, if in fact, I get along with them!

This was part of the document I Was reading:

“The Vietnam War is as old as WW1 and WW11. Black Monday, 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. Tienanmen Square means nothing to them. Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. Atari predates them as do vinyl albums. The expression ‘you sound like a broken record’ means nothing to them. Most have never seen a TV set with only four channels, nor have they seen a black and white TV. Roller skating has always meant inline for them. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. They can’t imagine what hard contact lenses are. They don’t know who Mork was or where he was from. The Titanic was found? They thought we always knew where it was. Michael Jackson has always been white. McDonalds never came in Styrofoam containers.”

You know, some of this applies to me, even though I was born near the end of the Generation Xer. I would say that I was almost meant to be a Generation Yer, but I guess like most things similar, I am on the cusp of both.

It kinda reminds me of Billy Joel’s very insightful song back in the nineties, ‘We Didn’t Start The Fire’.

Reading this stuff made me realise how different I am to my colleagues and to others who come to Australia from other countries where the work ethic can be drastically different. I often wonder whether my commitment to my job is there compared to others who refuse to slack of and relax and who are constantly looking for something to do. But then, I’m a product of my environment and my life choices reflect that.

I have chosen to have children late, or not at all. I spend my money rather than save a lot of it. I don’t tend to stay in my jobs that long. I buy expensive toilet tissue rather than skimp to save cost! It just all makes sense.

While I'm at it...

Just a few things to keep you going:

• It's so awesome to relive a past which is both pleasant and not so pleasant. It seems someone has revived UNEMush. This was the mush client I lived on during uni! It's probably the reason why I didn't get HDs or Ds, but shit happens :) It was great catching up with my friends Sonnet, Laura and Pete. I feel I might while-away the weekends by logging on there again.
• Yay for FOCs! Aka Fridge Over Cabinets! Don't know why it's called that! Anyway, we've finally got that part of the kitchen installed, and the fridge is now sparkling clean inside and sitting under the FOC! Photos to arrive tomorrow night.
• Yay for more photos of Aella - see flickr page to the right. She was rather snuggly tonight and decided it was toasty warm and cosy to sleep inside my polar fleece vest :)
• Not so yay that Glen is leaving me next MOnday for the week to attend a week-long conference in Coolum on the Gold Coast. Grrr! But I do get the bed to myself and I get to eat whatever I like!
• Yay for taking Clio to dog training yesterday. She was so well behaved and happy. Very content dog yesterday!
• Yay for Glen finally giving in and letting me cut his hair! It looks good, although there are bits which need fixing. But overall, he looks a lot better than his normal haircuts.

Time to go to bed.

Not even a couple of chicken breast...

OMG!

We've had a bit of a rollercoaster today.

Zeus and Tilly were coughing last night - in fact, they were dryreaching. It was concerning.

Glen took them all to the vet this morning, including Miss Aella. Turns out she has brought in a respiratory infection and they are all showing signs. Tilly and Zeus are lethargic and cold, grouchy and whatever. Aella was shivering last night, goopy eyes and sneezing. Anyway, today they are on various forms of antibiotics.

The reason for the title of this blog?

Aella was weighed.

She weighs in at a whooping 850grams.

Amazing.

All Natural...

I know I said yesterday that I would write a blog entry, but to be honest, I was too knackered and again tonight, I am buggered, but I will write my entry because it's important to me.

I don't think I've really spoken about it for a while, I know I mentioned frustrations with my birth control in the last few months, but the last couple of weeks have really drained me. I've been trialling a certain birth control pill, which hasn't been working for me. About 7-10 days before my period began, I was getting what I termed a rollercoaster headache. One which you would constantly medicate, but would never fully go away. I always felt that the headache was lingering in the background. It was draining and upsetting me. I lost hope of getting rid of it until my period broke.

Anyway, I was told to perservere with this drug for three months, at which point I was told, it would settle down and things might get better. It hasn't got better and after seeing the doctor last week, I made a critical decision. Well, what I hope was a critical decision.

After about 8-10 years of taking the contraceptive pill, I have decided to stop taking it. This is hard for me, as I didn't have any other true options apart from stopping the pill and things like a diaphragm, coils or condoms. So, this is it for me. Condoms. Solely relying on them is scary.

At the same time, I really want to know how my body survives without these synthetic hormones running through my system. I want to know what my body truly does during a cycle. I'm hoping that maybe it will settle down and perhaps in about a year, maybe less, I might be able to explore my options again. Who knows.

Right here, right now. I'm happy with my decision and I feel rather free. I feel hopeful, as it used to be with trepidation, I would approach my period, knowing I'd get these stupid headaches.

It's new territory for me.

Settling In...

Oh Come on!, originally uploaded by Sams76.

Due to popular demand, I have got off my rear end and uploaded the remaining photos of Aella from Friday, Saturday and this morning. They are on my flickr page, so you shouldn't have too much issue locating them - see link to the right ------>

Anyyway, she is settling in nicely. Tilly and Zeus are very curious and sometimes you catch them playing with her. She sleeps on our bed, right up close to your face and purrs at you all night. The other morning I awoke to find a very sharp, teeny tiny claw up my nostril - suffice to say, she got her claws chopped yesterday!

She runs like the wind around the house and is a very odd eater. Makes these very primitive sounds like while eating, like she's saying, "Thank god for this food! I was bloody starving! This is sooooo good!". It's very odd. However, because Flickr is a bit backward and hasn't jumped on board the Utube revolution, I am not able to post it on flickr. So, if you wish for a copy, just email me or leave a comment and I'll be happy to send it to you. It's a very small file, of about 200kb at the most.

Ok! Must god. We've gotta put the cat enclosure together, have some lunch, do some washing and clean the house, not to mention continue putting the kitchen together!

Be good everyone :)

I'll post something more tonight, as I have a few topics in mind - yes, I shall remember them!

One more sleep...

Aella, originally uploaded by Sams76.

Aella is coming home with us tomorrow night!

YAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!

Very exciting.

Can't wait!!!

Something to talk about...

I must be the most boring blogger right now. I keep whinging about my kitchen and the dramas of it. But you know, when I am out and about, daydreaming or even riding the scooter, I think of interesting blog entries. When I get home, and begin an entry, do you think I can remember what the hell I was going to write about? Alzheimers! I swear.

Anyway, it's the end of another weekend, progress has been made in my kitchen and I shall forthwith download some photos I took. We picked up the three pieces of kitchen that were incorrectly made and have managed to put the rest of the kitchen together today.

You didn't think that we actually finished all of the kitchen, did you? Nope. The kitchen place fucked up again, and another piece requires replacement. I swear, the sheltered workshop could do 100% better with no guidance and no computers. I shall be composing an email to them shortly.

We also painted this weekend. Compared to the ceiling, you wouldn't really know that we chose a colour for the walls as opposed to white! I swear. Hrm. It does look darker than I first thought though, so hopefully it'll all work out.

We just have to save up $3500 for our appliances, call for a trademan (yeh, right!) and attach our cabinets to the walls, install the benchtops etc etc. ARGH@! I get overwhelmed thinking about all the things to be done before I get a kitchen back - amusing, I typed bitchen - hrm!

This week, my old boss, soon to be my new boss, Phil begins his life at his new employment. It's all good and I am stoked. I'm looking forward to understanding everything and feeling more at home than I do. I can't wait. I have enthusiasm and excitement about going to work tomorrow :) It's great.

First Day Impressions...

I've been completely fine about my new job since I got it. Until last night. I went to bed and I started thinking, and thinking and thinking. Until I got desperate and couldn't sleep, taking a mersyndol because I had tensed my neck so much I had given myself a headache. I'm such a moron.

Anyway, caught the train to work today. I had forgotten why I sometimes liked catching the train - freebies! People were giving out free papers, free food, free tissue samples. Yay! It was opportune because my nose was running :)

Ok, so you wanna hear about work. It was fine. My manager, who is temporarily my manager until Monday was very nice, helped me settle in and conducted my induction, before I was sat down in front of a not-so-nice CRT monitor, blinded by its not-so-brilliance and undertook my self-paced induction learning. Yay for me!

Having said that, my manager took me and the rest of the team out for a morning coffee, where we talked and got to know each other. I discovered that both my colleagues are working as temps. One is Welsh, just passing through waiting for her partner to finish his assignment as a consultant. The other is an older lady, who seems to enjoy her job and is hoping it turns perm. My old colleague used to work with her, so it's a pretty small world. I discovered that my Welsh colleague likes to drink lots of coffee and tea, so we chatted a lot whilst getting our tea fixes, whilst the older lady is a bit of a cat fan, so that was our starting point.

The organisation looks like a good fit for me, the people are friendly and seem to be keen to offer any assistance they can. We are located in a small office, smaller than I have worked before in Melbourne. The head office is in Sydney, so it's nice and non-political, I guess you could say. There's still some GMs floating around, but generally it's pretty quiet. You know what I mean? It's just more relaxed because there's not a need to maintain a corporate spectacle.

So, my day was pretty good. I am knackered and have been spoilt by working 30 minutes drive from home. I think it took me almost an hour to get home tonight via train and then drive. Even though it's a bitch to get to and from work, I wouldnt have it any other way. I am close to all facilities, cafes, Glen and friends. Yay! I feel comfortable in this new job, partly because it's an industry I am very familiar with, I've been there before, I've worked in it before and did it well. It's like coming home. When my manager was going through the process, he kept asking if I was overwhelmed and I kept telling him it was fine that I was very familiar with their processes. I feel like it'll take me no time to get used to it.

Anyway, as I didn't sleep too well last night, I am off to bed with a sore head and neck. I need to not tense up! Grrr.

Soapy goodness...

Today was my last day of freedom before I venture back into the working world tomorrow, starting my new job.

I was at a large supermarket/general supplies store today, buying my pretend socks (work stocking socks) and was standing in line at the counter waiting to be served. Usually, I nod off into lala-land and just daydream, but something struck me about the transaction occurring in front of me. The customer was a woman in her 30s with a squirmy toddler trying to disengage herself from her mother. The cashier was a middle/late aged woman with not-so great dyed hair and a little too much makeup. When the harried mother tried to hand the cashier her money, the cashier seemed to refuse to put her hand out to receive the money. This left the mother with only one option, which was to dump the money on the counter and wait for her change and goods. The cashier picked up the money and placed the mother's change on the counter again, with her receipt and goods.

This was a very odd scene for me. It's not the first time that I've seen people avoid contact with others when transactions have occurred. It's not even that weird to see the cashier put the change on the counter. But what was odd was that she looked like her goal was to avoid touching the mother, like she was a carrier of a rare form of debilitating disease, something which would instantly kill or maim her. The thing is, if you touch the money they try to hand you, arent you going to pick up their germs and everyone else's germs who have touched the money?

I just find it odd and a bit rude. Everything around us is tainted by disease. It's a fact of life.
For most of my life, I have come across people like this cashier who for whatever reason cannot marry up their phobias with their very much PUBLIC facing jobs.

Let's just say this, if you work as a cashier or whatever and have a phobia of such things, do yourself a favour - don't stick your hand in your mouth and lick it, don't wipe the offending hand across your face and dont touch anyone else with it.

And finally, remember the following: SOAP.

Countdown...

Twas a busy day for me. Didn't get too much sleep last night on account of not realising the time last night and staying up waaaay later than I should have.

Went to the chiro this morning, cleaned out the car and washed it and got some vet products for the dog. Yay for me. Very exciting.

I sugar soaped the kitchen/dining room ceiling in readiness for our paintings tonight. The paint we bought yesterday looked a lot more 'coloured' than it does on the wall. It's meant to be a subtle, light colour to complement the cupboards in the kitchen, but when I put a layer of it on the wall today, it was as if I hadn't painted anything! Hrm! *laugh* Oh dear, doesn't matter.

Anyway, one more day of freedom until I start my new job. I'm both excited and a little trepidatious. I'm sure it will be fine, but the unknown is always scary. I am looking forward to the new challenge and the new bunch of people I'll be working with.

In other news. For the first time since I started riding my scooter, I haven't been able to wear the inside thermal layer of the jacket because I have been too fat. Tonight, I tried it on with the layer inside and it all fit :) Yay for me.

Sonday Drive

Amusements all round.

My favourite part? They hopped into the backseat as if nothing was out of the norm!

Making ends meet

Making ends meet, originally uploaded by Sams76.

After busting our balls most of the weekend, Glen and I realised one thing - the machine shopping of woodwork via a computer and template isn't fail safe.

Our kitchen manufacturer fucked up their kitchen to us and as you can see, things just don't meet.

This is the first of about three things about our kitchen which have been ballsed up. On Tuesday morning, I will be phoning the company and demanding they rectify the issue and make it known that they are now holding us up. Although the above pictured part of the kitchen doesn't hold us up - other things will.

Grrrr.

Tomorrow, I am planning to go to the paint store and purchasing some paint for the kitchen walls. As you can see, the colour of our kitchen is like a plummy-brown colour called Raisin. So, one must find a colour which will mesh with it. No mean feat.

Anyhow, enough bitching.

Write Marketing...

There aren't many causes that I strongly believe in and support, but gay civil rights is one of them.

Why?

Because why should we, as self confessed Christians (which I was once more qualified to say than now - hello, living in sin!) pass judgement on these people? What would Christians say if gays and even non-Christian folk judged them for their religious convictions and withheld what is considered basic human right? What is the rest of said population prohibited Christians from marriage and recognised unions because of their religious beliefs?

Just a thought.

I was brought up not to judge others and in some way, it was to do with my wholesome, sheltered and somewhat rural/regional upbringing. However, I never knew to distinguish between a person whose origins were from China or from Vietnam. To date, I cannot tell. I grew up with an substantial Aboriginal population. I knew that difference, but I didn't learn what the other differences were that others believed were there. I had Aboriginal friends, I went to school with them and in some cases, I did not realise that some of my close friends actually had ancestry within the Australian Indigenous community.

The only thing I object to is when some self-proclaimed Christians knock on my front door making me wish every time, that I owned a fully lockable front fence. I hate people who peddle their wares in my life. I have made a choice and although it's nice to advertise, please don't telemarket to me - I am smart enough to know where to find things if I want them.

What shits me...

Is being told yesterday that my former boss, from said most recently departed job, is pregnant.

The crap started with her about 3-4 months ago. Guess when she started going psycho mental? yeh.

I'm so pissed off. Her shit made me leave a job where I enjoyed the people I worked with. I am also told that once she has the baby in December, she's going to work 20 hours a week mostly from home. Can you imagine the freedom and joy of that?

It shits me so much, beyond belief.

Because of shit like that, I've developed a strong aversion to working for another woman. And you know what the ironic thing is? I don't think every woman manager acts like this, but out of the three female managers I've ever had, all were power hungry, control freaks.

Having said that, I'm pleased to be going to a new job with my former manager (now new manager). The organisation called me today and told me that it would be bedlam for me to start next Wednesday, so asked for me to begin on Thursday instead - however, I would still be paid for the Wednesday. What a crying shame! And then he asked me whether I was happy that they had hired my former manager! Yeh, I am devastated...

Amusements...

I've seen this before, but given that I am living in devastation and disaster (see flickr photos), I needed a bit of a laugh.

The week (and a bit) in review...

You know how you leave something so long that you put it off too long to do it justice? This is one of those times. I've got about 10 days to catch up on; 10 days where lots happened, and yet, I can't capture it, do it justice. Grrr.

Animals
Glen dropped the animals off to the boarding kennels. This was such a sad affair and we spent the week missing them, wishing the week would pass quickly. The boarding kennels were a bit disappointing, after such a promising song and dance they performed. When I phoned, they were emotionless, wouldn't tell me how the animals were and were very unhelpful. So, I expect we may not bother with them again. Honestly, who tells you your animals are 'fine' when you ask how they are etc. And who tells you 'Oh, we haven't bothered' when you asked whether they had paired your dog up with another (one of their big selling speils upon inspecting the kennels). Stupid fucks.

Work
This did not go well. Because we were staying with a friend who began work at an earlier time, I asked my manager if I could also start early and finish early. My theory was reasonable - who's going to really be a shit about my hours when I was leaving and therefore not really expected to do heaps of work? My manager would be that shit. She gave me such a hard time, to the point where every morning, she would call me dead on 8am and call at 4.00pm to make sure I hadn't left early. Such a bitch. By mid last week, I decided I'd had enough and stopped answering her calls and stopped giving a shit about what she said. I documented everything and at the end of my tenure, I submitted a rather lenghty exit interview document, explaining my anger.

Right up until my last day, she was demanding I complete work and was shocked when my colleague told her I had not done things - as if I was doing any work after my farewell lunch? Yeh right. I've never known a manager like that, though the previous manager was god-awful in many other ways. I feel sure neither would have liked each other.

House
We moved back into the house on Friday night. The house looks terrific and shortly (when I can locate my cable) I shall upload some photos :) We are slowly unpacking and living in shit until then. The new kitchen (in it's natural flattened form) arrived this morning and is currently stacked up in the garage. We have managed to pull the wall tiles off in the kitchen, the wall cupboards are now gone and the exhaust fan is gone. Glen has patched the holes in the walls and tomorrow, god knows what we'll do. Glen's hoping that by the time he goes away in mid July, the kitchen will be ready - har har!

New Job
I am currently gainfully unemployed. I begin work on like the 14th June, so I have a few days left. I am feeling pretty good about it. It's like getting the band back together working for my old manager. It feels familiar, like I never left. I am under no delusions about what to expect. I know it will be hard work and that I won't be getting any favours. Looking forward to working in the CBD again. yay for life! Just have to organise my scooter again and make sure it's all kosher.

Family
We learned late last week that Glen's uncle Ron passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. This sort of thing makes you appreciate the things you have and puts perspective on the things you have. I think it was his last uncle alive on his dad's side, which is very sad and another piece of 'history' is lost.

Anyway, that's it. I had a whinge, I've recounted and I've recorded. Sorry it took me so long, it's just hard to get into the rhythm again.