It's been about 4 weeks since I began WW and for some reason, I have been a bit cagey about telling people. I mean, the anonymity of the internet has made it very easy to write about it in my blog, but telling people who I see and speak to on a daily basis has been another issue.
I haven't told my mother and I suppose she would be happy for me, but I guess I've noticed that the last few years, she has never been that excited for me whenever I've had something I consider big news. It makes me wonder whether she used to purposefully make a big deal about things or whether she's stopped caring because of something I did. Maybe I make it too difficult for her to care anymore, I really don't know.
I think I've become less tolerant as I've become older. I'm not big on idle chatter, and I'm not big on many phone calls in one week about sometimes inane and not very important tidbits. I know I should be more tolerant with my mum, she is the only one I have, after all. And I know sometimes she is lonely and needs to talk to someone, but it gets a bit much when she phones three times in one night, doesn't leave a message when I don't answer and when I call back, thinking it's urgent, it's just to see how I am. Anyway, I'm going to try and be tolerant, but god it's bloody hard.
Anyway, I haven't told my mother and I have told other friends I'm doing WW, unless of course they read my diary. I figure that's plenty people and honestly, I have that much support both at home and at work, the need to tell others is irrelevant. I'm doing well and I'm focussed on losing the weight, so the extra support, although would feel fine, is not warranted.
Now, it's almost time for bed.
Tuesday 31 January 2006
Loss...
Hi internet. I’m not sure whether I actually recorded my weigh-ins from the last two weeks. If I didn’t, it’s because I gained. I gained 500 grams the week before last and then last week I gained 100grams. I was rather demoralised, let’s just say that.
So, I was pretty stoked when I weighed in today, recording a loss of 2.4 kilograms. It takes my total weight loss to 5kgs, which I’m stoked about. This is a bit of a miracle for me in a few ways. Firstly, (men, close your ears) I’ve got a painful period – the first for the last 10 months! So, I’m a bloated whale! Secondly, because normally you’re allowed 14 points of sugar, I went WAY over that limit and recorded, I think, close to 38 sugar points for the week – not the best of moves! I would say, in retrospect, it was because I was PMSing!
I’ve done ok, all things considered. And I’m feeling a bit rejuvenated after two weeks of gaining. The thing is, I don’t feel like I’ve lost any weight. People are saying I’ve lost weight in the face and my shoulders, but I don’t see that, so I’m thinking of recording my weight loss through photos, just so I can compare the difference. I might feel better about things then.
Having recorded a great weight loss, how did I celebrate tonight? Well, not celebrate as such, but out of pure laziness, we got pizza. I ordered a small pizza which had 4 slices. I ate all of them and now I feel ill, full as a goog and a bit guilty. Tomorrow is always a new day, so I promise myself that I’ll cope.
Anyway, in other news. Our landlord wishes to show people through the property we’re currently renting, so we’ve gotta do a bit of a clean up this weekend, in readiness for a small walk through on Monday afternoon. The joys!! It’s probably a positive thing, as we’ll actually get this place clean. We’ve been living in a bit of squaller. The cats have decided that they want to pee in one of my plants, so I’m having to clean that up and try to discourage them from doing such filth. A few years ago, Tilly was peeing and pooping in the dirt, but suddenly stopped doing it. Now, it has begun again. Anyone got any great ideas for discouraging cats from doing such things? Email me!
Over the next few days, I’m going to try and take a photo of myself just to give myself some perspective for later, if I actually lose more weight. I’m still tossing up as to whether or not I should publish my current weight, as it’s something that upsets me to have others know. If anything, when I do take my first photo, I’ll have a better hairdo – going to get mine hair done. A much needed treat, as I’ve been feeling absolute shite for the last couple of weeks.
So, I was pretty stoked when I weighed in today, recording a loss of 2.4 kilograms. It takes my total weight loss to 5kgs, which I’m stoked about. This is a bit of a miracle for me in a few ways. Firstly, (men, close your ears) I’ve got a painful period – the first for the last 10 months! So, I’m a bloated whale! Secondly, because normally you’re allowed 14 points of sugar, I went WAY over that limit and recorded, I think, close to 38 sugar points for the week – not the best of moves! I would say, in retrospect, it was because I was PMSing!
I’ve done ok, all things considered. And I’m feeling a bit rejuvenated after two weeks of gaining. The thing is, I don’t feel like I’ve lost any weight. People are saying I’ve lost weight in the face and my shoulders, but I don’t see that, so I’m thinking of recording my weight loss through photos, just so I can compare the difference. I might feel better about things then.
Having recorded a great weight loss, how did I celebrate tonight? Well, not celebrate as such, but out of pure laziness, we got pizza. I ordered a small pizza which had 4 slices. I ate all of them and now I feel ill, full as a goog and a bit guilty. Tomorrow is always a new day, so I promise myself that I’ll cope.
Anyway, in other news. Our landlord wishes to show people through the property we’re currently renting, so we’ve gotta do a bit of a clean up this weekend, in readiness for a small walk through on Monday afternoon. The joys!! It’s probably a positive thing, as we’ll actually get this place clean. We’ve been living in a bit of squaller. The cats have decided that they want to pee in one of my plants, so I’m having to clean that up and try to discourage them from doing such filth. A few years ago, Tilly was peeing and pooping in the dirt, but suddenly stopped doing it. Now, it has begun again. Anyone got any great ideas for discouraging cats from doing such things? Email me!
Over the next few days, I’m going to try and take a photo of myself just to give myself some perspective for later, if I actually lose more weight. I’m still tossing up as to whether or not I should publish my current weight, as it’s something that upsets me to have others know. If anything, when I do take my first photo, I’ll have a better hairdo – going to get mine hair done. A much needed treat, as I’ve been feeling absolute shite for the last couple of weeks.
Monday 30 January 2006
Learning new things...
I swear, there's usually nothing that surprises me about my partner, Glen - until now.
Recently, I have been whinging to him about how I want to change elements of my blog and him being a gumby IT network dude, I figure if I whinged to him enough, he would be able to fix it. However, generally I've had to stumble my own way through the joys of html, with a little help from him along the way.
Anyhow, I digress. In an effort to assist me with my ordeals with HTML, Glen apparently opened up a blog and ran some test runs on coding for me. Little did I know that this baby has taken on a new life.
I urge you to check back and read his blog every now and again. Having said that, I'm not entirely sure how often he'll post, but the mere fact he began one without me urging him to, has gotta count for something.
Recently, I have been whinging to him about how I want to change elements of my blog and him being a gumby IT network dude, I figure if I whinged to him enough, he would be able to fix it. However, generally I've had to stumble my own way through the joys of html, with a little help from him along the way.
Anyhow, I digress. In an effort to assist me with my ordeals with HTML, Glen apparently opened up a blog and ran some test runs on coding for me. Little did I know that this baby has taken on a new life.
I urge you to check back and read his blog every now and again. Having said that, I'm not entirely sure how often he'll post, but the mere fact he began one without me urging him to, has gotta count for something.
Sunday 29 January 2006
Bundles of joy...
I feel like I'm constantly talking about other people's babies. Certainly, this week has seen the birth of at least two that I know of. And then today, or rather yesterday, Sonnet and Pete welcomed their second little girl into the world - Iris Linnea (not sure how that is pronounced). Sonnet is one of those few people I know who is a natural mum. Congrats guys :)
Also, found out today that another family friend is 5-6 weeks pregnant. I've known her since I met Glen and although she has two girls, she's always wanted a third, so that's great to see also. Maybe I can play with a little baby and see how that feels.
Anyway, time to eat dinner and watch the tennis.
Also, found out today that another family friend is 5-6 weeks pregnant. I've known her since I met Glen and although she has two girls, she's always wanted a third, so that's great to see also. Maybe I can play with a little baby and see how that feels.
Anyway, time to eat dinner and watch the tennis.
Friday 27 January 2006
Some more insight...
Borrowed from this site.
2 Names I Go By: Sam and Sams
2 Things That Scare Me: Those I love dying and living a lifetime of regret
2 Everyday Essentials: My spectacles and my digital camera
2 Truths: I wake up grumpy and disoriented and my legs are more often hairy than they are smooth and shaven
2 of My Favourite Hobbies: Reading and Sleeping
2 Things You Want REALLY BAD: Money (Yes, I am human) and a Ocicat!
2 Things That Make Me A "Typical Chic": I cry at movies which have the slightest emotive triggers and I get moody and snarlier than a Bengal cat on heat!
2 Favourite Items in the House: The Set Top Box which records all my favourite shows and Mine Bed!
2 Things That Make Me Cry: Talking about how I feel and having my foot stomped on by a big foot
2 Words I Wish I Could Use to Describe Myself: Confident and Sophisticated
2 Things I Do Poorly: Act Confident and Sophisticated
2 Changes I'd Like To See In The World: The sacking of Dubaya and eradication of vermin terrorists
2 Words I Have Trouble Saying/Hearing: Is this question asking for two or four answers?? Anyway, the only words I can think of are I'm Sorry/I love you/I don't like you (hearing!)
Tag, you're it...
Margie Vz
Margarita
Di
Sonnet - but you may give birth first and when you get free time from taking care of two little children, you can complete this *LMAO!*
2 Names I Go By: Sam and Sams
2 Things That Scare Me: Those I love dying and living a lifetime of regret
2 Everyday Essentials: My spectacles and my digital camera
2 Truths: I wake up grumpy and disoriented and my legs are more often hairy than they are smooth and shaven
2 of My Favourite Hobbies: Reading and Sleeping
2 Things You Want REALLY BAD: Money (Yes, I am human) and a Ocicat!
2 Things That Make Me A "Typical Chic": I cry at movies which have the slightest emotive triggers and I get moody and snarlier than a Bengal cat on heat!
2 Favourite Items in the House: The Set Top Box which records all my favourite shows and Mine Bed!
2 Things That Make Me Cry: Talking about how I feel and having my foot stomped on by a big foot
2 Words I Wish I Could Use to Describe Myself: Confident and Sophisticated
2 Things I Do Poorly: Act Confident and Sophisticated
2 Changes I'd Like To See In The World: The sacking of Dubaya and eradication of vermin terrorists
2 Words I Have Trouble Saying/Hearing: Is this question asking for two or four answers?? Anyway, the only words I can think of are I'm Sorry/I love you/I don't like you (hearing!)
Tag, you're it...
Margie Vz
Margarita
Di
Sonnet - but you may give birth first and when you get free time from taking care of two little children, you can complete this *LMAO!*
Frangers, rubbers and no TV...
About 9 months ago must have been a very quiet time for the likes of Ansell and other condom manufacturers. Either that, or there wasn't much on TV at the time! Honestly, haven't you heard of DVD and cinemas?
Why, you say?
Rachel gave birth to little Sam Noe Allen a couple of days ago and Sonnet is about to embark on pushing out baby #2 (Iris) sometime tomorrow! Keep her in your thoughts, as she has not had a very smooth run or track record in popping babies out.
Anyway, time for dessert!
Why, you say?
Rachel gave birth to little Sam Noe Allen a couple of days ago and Sonnet is about to embark on pushing out baby #2 (Iris) sometime tomorrow! Keep her in your thoughts, as she has not had a very smooth run or track record in popping babies out.
Anyway, time for dessert!
Thursday 26 January 2006
Stolen...
I stoled it from Aurelius!
Basically I'd like to increase my reading menu, so this would probably be a good time for any of youse lurkers out there, to fess up and tell me which blogs you are fond of. I want to know which ones you read without fail every day, because you are glued to this person's writing/life.
You'll see in Aurelius' comments the ones I thought he would like the most. Having said that, these are the blogs that I like the most and whom I read every day, without fail.
Buzzaroni - Margie leads an interesting life, purely because she isn't afraid to get out there and try something different.
Allison Ruth - Because she has had an interesting journey through weight loss, baby, study and now, being a mum. And she tells it like it is and I like that!
Dooce - Of course! Most people I know read her. She's honest, witty and above all else, is a great photographer. And let's not forget Chuck, her faithful hound.
Margie - Until Christmas, was slumming it, or should I say, sweltering with me in Melbourne.
Now she's freezing her arse off in Stockholm. She doesn't have net connection, but thanks to the Golden arches, she's got somewhere to go.
SnazzyKat - Up until a few months ago, I wasn't that rivetted. Don't get me wrong, Eka is a funny girl, but I've been particularly entranced with her life because she is an expectant mum who is about to give birth to a little boy with heart problems. It's interesting to read her journey.
Sarcastic Journalist - She's amusing, she talks about rhoids and poopy diapers, and she has a vicious wit when it comes to Oprah! Generally just real, which I appreciate.
Sonnet - A long time friend of mine who stole another Aussie man to live in the US. They have one little girl and another about to pop out, if not already done now. Hopefully the second birth will be easier than the first. She's like my twin sister on many levels.
Ragan - She's currently experiencing the thrills of being a first time mum, coupled with trying to fit a work schedule into her life. Just reading about her experiences with school, her little girl and the annoying people she has to deal with, is enough to keep me reading. Most of all, I don't think she realises how interesting she is.
Di - Of course I read her! She was my best friend in high school. Now, she lives up north and often has some very thought-provoking entries, which I look forward to every day.
Jo - Jo has had a long struggle with weight loss and has been an inspiration to me on many levels. She's stil fighting the fat and has a good sense of humour. She never lets the monkeys on her back get her down.
Laura - A mother of two sets of twins, just a generally amusing lady who tells it straight. A very real person.
Basically I'd like to increase my reading menu, so this would probably be a good time for any of youse lurkers out there, to fess up and tell me which blogs you are fond of. I want to know which ones you read without fail every day, because you are glued to this person's writing/life.
You'll see in Aurelius' comments the ones I thought he would like the most. Having said that, these are the blogs that I like the most and whom I read every day, without fail.
Buzzaroni - Margie leads an interesting life, purely because she isn't afraid to get out there and try something different.
Allison Ruth - Because she has had an interesting journey through weight loss, baby, study and now, being a mum. And she tells it like it is and I like that!
Dooce - Of course! Most people I know read her. She's honest, witty and above all else, is a great photographer. And let's not forget Chuck, her faithful hound.
Margie - Until Christmas, was slumming it, or should I say, sweltering with me in Melbourne.
Now she's freezing her arse off in Stockholm. She doesn't have net connection, but thanks to the Golden arches, she's got somewhere to go.
SnazzyKat - Up until a few months ago, I wasn't that rivetted. Don't get me wrong, Eka is a funny girl, but I've been particularly entranced with her life because she is an expectant mum who is about to give birth to a little boy with heart problems. It's interesting to read her journey.
Sarcastic Journalist - She's amusing, she talks about rhoids and poopy diapers, and she has a vicious wit when it comes to Oprah! Generally just real, which I appreciate.
Sonnet - A long time friend of mine who stole another Aussie man to live in the US. They have one little girl and another about to pop out, if not already done now. Hopefully the second birth will be easier than the first. She's like my twin sister on many levels.
Ragan - She's currently experiencing the thrills of being a first time mum, coupled with trying to fit a work schedule into her life. Just reading about her experiences with school, her little girl and the annoying people she has to deal with, is enough to keep me reading. Most of all, I don't think she realises how interesting she is.
Di - Of course I read her! She was my best friend in high school. Now, she lives up north and often has some very thought-provoking entries, which I look forward to every day.
Jo - Jo has had a long struggle with weight loss and has been an inspiration to me on many levels. She's stil fighting the fat and has a good sense of humour. She never lets the monkeys on her back get her down.
Laura - A mother of two sets of twins, just a generally amusing lady who tells it straight. A very real person.
Wednesday 25 January 2006
Ego Boost...
After gaining 100grams during my weigh in on Tuesday - did I mention that? I felt pretty depressed. Well, not overly depressed that I was giving up my plan to be thin and gorgeous, but just a bit deflated and demoralised.
This morning I walked into work, accutely aware that someone was following me through the halls. It was our receptionist, Angela.
Later in the morning, she wandered in and asked me how much weight I had lost because she noticed I was slimmer in the face and underneath my shoulder blades (underneath my shoulder blades???). So, my ego received a much needed boost. It was heartening to know that others had seen a change that I could not see.
Now, I must measure my bits, because maybe that's where the change is occurring. Then it's bedtime.
This morning I walked into work, accutely aware that someone was following me through the halls. It was our receptionist, Angela.
Later in the morning, she wandered in and asked me how much weight I had lost because she noticed I was slimmer in the face and underneath my shoulder blades (underneath my shoulder blades???). So, my ego received a much needed boost. It was heartening to know that others had seen a change that I could not see.
Now, I must measure my bits, because maybe that's where the change is occurring. Then it's bedtime.
Monday 23 January 2006
It's the final countdown...
Di-da-doo-doo! It's the final countdown.
See the counter up there? 1 month, 1 day!
I booked my holidays for moving leave today! Yay. I have also booked my mother's bus ticket for 16th March for 10 days - this is more than normal. So, we're either going to have a great time, or I'm going to want to send her home early!!
After discussions today, Glen and I realised that the tenants will be moving out shortly. Their final day is to be 17 February, so at the most, we have 2 weeks to wait. So, come Thursday - our national holiday of national pride and all that guff, we'll be driving past the house to see if there are any developments.
Anyway, enough house talk. I'm sure you're all sick of me ranting about it. But hey, we'll only get one opportunity to rant about our new first home. After that, any house purchase will be old hat!
I'm off to read and then head to bed.
Swap, Buy or Sell yourself short...
I have either kept the peace or sold myself out, or both.
I'm really not sure. I'm trying not to think about it.
I'm not sure how that makes me feel.
It would seem that everyone is pleased, relieved and happy with this outcome. The jury is still out for me.
Maybe the distance I requested will be enough.
I'm really not sure. I'm trying not to think about it.
I'm not sure how that makes me feel.
It would seem that everyone is pleased, relieved and happy with this outcome. The jury is still out for me.
Maybe the distance I requested will be enough.
Sunday 22 January 2006
Remnants of a past life?
Glen and I moved in February 2005. We socked things away in cupboards and did not look through cupboards to see what was in there. Yesterday, I hopped up on a chair to clear out the odds and sods cupboard that no one goes into and cleared out the junk we had in there. However, stuffed up the back was this. Suffice to say, neither Glen nor I own this little piece of contraband! I couldn't chuck it in the bin without atleast taking a photo of it.
Next time, we'll be looking in every cupboard before we chuck our stuff in it!!
I'm doing my cute pose...where's my A/C?
It hit above 40 degrees in Melbourne today. Zeus was absolutely buggered, passed out on the kitchen floor. Regardless, he looks very cute...
Friday 20 January 2006
The life of an insomniac...
A while ago, I seem to remember promising myself privately and openly in this blog, that I would always be upfront and I would always talk about the things that were getting to me.
I seem to have developed some nice insomnia, which has deprived me of my sleep. Anyone who knows me knows that if I don't get between 7 and 8 hours sleep, I am ratshit, moody and generally snarly for most of the next day, declining steadily towards the next night of sleep - or in my case, no sleep.
Last night was the clincher. I went to bed about 10pm. It was hot and I had the fan turned up higher than normal. I had the window open and was under no sheets or doona. I tossed and turned. Glen came in, went to sleep very quickly and at midnight, I got sick of the crawlly feeling in my legs, the fact that I was twitching in my head and everytime I moved, I realised how warm my mattress had become under me. It was very irritating. So, I got up and went into the loungeroom, where it was slightly cooler. I couldn't switch off and eventually ended up on the loungeroom floor - it was the most comfortable place to sleep. I think I might have slept very lightly until 5.30 before needing to pee and then Glen was waking me at 6.30. My night was long and hot, so I had long decided, somewhere in between nothing and 5.30 that I wouldnt be fit for work.
The thing is, I haven't been able to let go of the little things. I've been worried about the house stuff, worrying about whether we have enough money and if we can afford it. The unknown scares me and what scares me more is that I'm getting Glen into this. Not that he would see it like that because I am not getting him into anything. But I still worry and I feel alone in this worry. And I know it's a small worry, but I think it's the small stuff; the stuff I can't seem to resolve, that gets to me the most.
The other major thing to upset me is this friend of mine whom I wrote about a while ago. I want it done with, but the latest chapter in that saga is she wants to discuss things and try and work it out. But I'm not overly interested and it is something I'm not overly excited about. You see, I've basically made my mind up and once that is done, I am done. So, to open up another avenue like this seems absolutely useless to me. It's flogging a dead horse. Then I start to feel bad, because I see this person as being someone who has a good heart, but who doesn't understand how her actions affect others and doesn't want to be responsible for that behaviour. She would rather others telly her to modify, than to look closely at her behaviour. She's been the person who was there when Glen had his appendicitis, who stayed up late that night with me, waiting for a call from the hospital to say he was ok. She visited Clio every day when she was a small puppy, to give her company and play with and feed her. She does nice things for people.
Then there is the other side where she is completely fucked up in herself. She doesnt want the responsibility of her actions. She finds pleasure in pushing people's buttons. She likes to antagonise. She is evasive. Secretive. Abrasive. Sour. She has a chip on her shoulder. She lacks understanding.
I could go on. I'm fighting a battle with the devil on one side and whatever the opposite is, on the other side. My solution to this draining individual is sever ties, disconnect and rediscover myself. And since the silence has begun, I have felt freer. I am afraid that it will spiral out of control again if I let the door open a crack, like she'll push her way in again and be that overbearing person I know her to be. It's like it's ALL or NOTHING with her and I'm not a person who can enforce those boundaries for others. But can anyone be expected to do that?
So, anyway. An audience has been requested with this person. She requested it. I dont know what to say. Do I say, "I dont want this anymore" and sever ties or do I appease everyone (including Glen and therefore, not myself) and say "Yeh, we can be friends, but I dont want to see you as much"?
What I want to do is never to bother again. But then I dont want to completely sever ties. I would like have a balance, but I know this person wont understand the balance I need. So, I am stuck and to be honest, I have spent way too much time thinking about it. I hate that. I am literally losing sleep and knowing that I have to sit down and have a long serious chat with this person is just so daunting. This is despite the fact that this person and I have NEVER had a serious chat about our friendship, ever. It's very foreign to me. I have nothing to say.
And then I am conflicted, because this person does favours for us. This shouldnt be an issue, because I shouldnt keep this friendship because she helps us out from time to time. I guess my point is that this person has entrenched herself so much in our life that she has let us rely on her, and she equally, relies on us. Her disappearance will be felt - in both a positive and negative way.
I dont really expect anyone to offer advice to me about this dilemma. I know the answers. I know I should do what I feel is the best. Incidentally, what I want is to sever ties and just cut my losses. But I'm not allowed to, or I dont feel like I am allowed to. So, I know you will all tell me to do what is right for me, some of you might even say to get rid of this person. I'm just saying that I feel so lost and trapped, all at once.
And I am losing sleep over it, because I have too much of a conscience and I am feeling more responsibility for this, than I should be. Is that how it sounds?
I dont want to be infected by this person anymore. I dont want to be dominated by this person anymore. I dont want to bite my tongue everytime this person says something I dont like. And I dont want to feel like I should spend time with this person and feel trapped when they pressure me.
Help me stop this! Argh!
I seem to have developed some nice insomnia, which has deprived me of my sleep. Anyone who knows me knows that if I don't get between 7 and 8 hours sleep, I am ratshit, moody and generally snarly for most of the next day, declining steadily towards the next night of sleep - or in my case, no sleep.
Last night was the clincher. I went to bed about 10pm. It was hot and I had the fan turned up higher than normal. I had the window open and was under no sheets or doona. I tossed and turned. Glen came in, went to sleep very quickly and at midnight, I got sick of the crawlly feeling in my legs, the fact that I was twitching in my head and everytime I moved, I realised how warm my mattress had become under me. It was very irritating. So, I got up and went into the loungeroom, where it was slightly cooler. I couldn't switch off and eventually ended up on the loungeroom floor - it was the most comfortable place to sleep. I think I might have slept very lightly until 5.30 before needing to pee and then Glen was waking me at 6.30. My night was long and hot, so I had long decided, somewhere in between nothing and 5.30 that I wouldnt be fit for work.
The thing is, I haven't been able to let go of the little things. I've been worried about the house stuff, worrying about whether we have enough money and if we can afford it. The unknown scares me and what scares me more is that I'm getting Glen into this. Not that he would see it like that because I am not getting him into anything. But I still worry and I feel alone in this worry. And I know it's a small worry, but I think it's the small stuff; the stuff I can't seem to resolve, that gets to me the most.
The other major thing to upset me is this friend of mine whom I wrote about a while ago. I want it done with, but the latest chapter in that saga is she wants to discuss things and try and work it out. But I'm not overly interested and it is something I'm not overly excited about. You see, I've basically made my mind up and once that is done, I am done. So, to open up another avenue like this seems absolutely useless to me. It's flogging a dead horse. Then I start to feel bad, because I see this person as being someone who has a good heart, but who doesn't understand how her actions affect others and doesn't want to be responsible for that behaviour. She would rather others telly her to modify, than to look closely at her behaviour. She's been the person who was there when Glen had his appendicitis, who stayed up late that night with me, waiting for a call from the hospital to say he was ok. She visited Clio every day when she was a small puppy, to give her company and play with and feed her. She does nice things for people.
Then there is the other side where she is completely fucked up in herself. She doesnt want the responsibility of her actions. She finds pleasure in pushing people's buttons. She likes to antagonise. She is evasive. Secretive. Abrasive. Sour. She has a chip on her shoulder. She lacks understanding.
I could go on. I'm fighting a battle with the devil on one side and whatever the opposite is, on the other side. My solution to this draining individual is sever ties, disconnect and rediscover myself. And since the silence has begun, I have felt freer. I am afraid that it will spiral out of control again if I let the door open a crack, like she'll push her way in again and be that overbearing person I know her to be. It's like it's ALL or NOTHING with her and I'm not a person who can enforce those boundaries for others. But can anyone be expected to do that?
So, anyway. An audience has been requested with this person. She requested it. I dont know what to say. Do I say, "I dont want this anymore" and sever ties or do I appease everyone (including Glen and therefore, not myself) and say "Yeh, we can be friends, but I dont want to see you as much"?
What I want to do is never to bother again. But then I dont want to completely sever ties. I would like have a balance, but I know this person wont understand the balance I need. So, I am stuck and to be honest, I have spent way too much time thinking about it. I hate that. I am literally losing sleep and knowing that I have to sit down and have a long serious chat with this person is just so daunting. This is despite the fact that this person and I have NEVER had a serious chat about our friendship, ever. It's very foreign to me. I have nothing to say.
And then I am conflicted, because this person does favours for us. This shouldnt be an issue, because I shouldnt keep this friendship because she helps us out from time to time. I guess my point is that this person has entrenched herself so much in our life that she has let us rely on her, and she equally, relies on us. Her disappearance will be felt - in both a positive and negative way.
I dont really expect anyone to offer advice to me about this dilemma. I know the answers. I know I should do what I feel is the best. Incidentally, what I want is to sever ties and just cut my losses. But I'm not allowed to, or I dont feel like I am allowed to. So, I know you will all tell me to do what is right for me, some of you might even say to get rid of this person. I'm just saying that I feel so lost and trapped, all at once.
And I am losing sleep over it, because I have too much of a conscience and I am feeling more responsibility for this, than I should be. Is that how it sounds?
I dont want to be infected by this person anymore. I dont want to be dominated by this person anymore. I dont want to bite my tongue everytime this person says something I dont like. And I dont want to feel like I should spend time with this person and feel trapped when they pressure me.
Help me stop this! Argh!
Thursday 19 January 2006
My loss is my gain...
Loss
I have a confession.
I joined Weight Watchers on 5th January, in an attempt to reduce my increasing waist line and get back some of my dignity and confidence that I have been missing since being in Melbourne.
Actually, I didn’t quite join Weight Watchers, I kinda just came back. You see, I’m a Life Time Member. I reached my goal weight when I was a teenager, doing it with my mother. At the time, it was fantastic, but one crucial component to my lifestyle change was missing – my personal motivation and willpower. You see, my mother cooked the meals (mostly), she dictated what we had and I wasn’t allowed to purchase chocolate – it’s a bit hard to have such tempters when you don’t have money!! So, I became a very tiny 60kilos and was very thrilled. It was very noticeable and lots of people complimented. In hindsight, it meant nothing.
I’ve got a lot more to lose this time. I’m ashamed of that, but I am not daunted by it. To be honest, it was a long road to get to the blobification that I am, so it’ll be a long road to get back to what I should be.
Anyway, last week was my first weigh in. The only things I did last week were eat to the plan, avoid chocolate and high-points food and I think I walked once. I stepped on the scales and the lady gasped, made a strange noise and didn’t respond when I said, “what’s wrong?” At that point, I was starting to have a heart attack, internally panicking and wondering what her noise meant. I jumped to conclusions, because her noise meant, “Sam, you’ve somehow managed to lose 3.2kilos (just over 7lbs) from your lard arse!” I was visibly shocked, but more importantly, I was encouraged to continue.
This week wasn’t as great. I weighed in at lunch time, and somehow managed to stack on 500grams. Now, most of you will say that this is nothing and I shouldn’t be upset really. I understand that, but then I began thinking about what I might have done to upset the applecart, as it were.
The in-laws came for a visit on the weekend. I ate plum pudding with vanilla ice cream. I tried to limit my portion, but you know the dumb part? I DON’T like plum pudding and I prefer chocolate ice cream – chocolate anything – to vanilla. So, I have to stop myself from succumbing to that sort of shit.
One closer evaluation, I think my portion sizes are bigger than I estimated and perhaps I should have got off my butt to exercise more!! Hrm.
So, here it is internet. I have confessed. I was going to keep it a big secret for a while, but since this blog is a confessional, rather than a secret keeper – yeh right, I feel ok about speaking.
The WW thing has begun to gather momentum at work, with about 8-10 other people inspired to join. This has prompted one of the group to actually approach WW to do an At Work programme, where they actually come to your workplace, weigh you and speak with you. This could totally help, as Glen is already very supportive at home, so there’s no issue there (Mr I’ve Lost One Kilo!).
I have a lot to lose (in weight), so I am hoping that because I am heavier, the weight will drop off once I get my shit together. This will be a huge incentive to me. I mean, I’ve already noticed that my clothes are looser, to the point that all my work pants can be pulled over my waist and hips without being unbuttons or unzipped! Minor miracle there! I should also take my body measurements, as that’ll buoy me on the days like today!
Anyway Internet – shhhh!
I have a confession.
I joined Weight Watchers on 5th January, in an attempt to reduce my increasing waist line and get back some of my dignity and confidence that I have been missing since being in Melbourne.
Actually, I didn’t quite join Weight Watchers, I kinda just came back. You see, I’m a Life Time Member. I reached my goal weight when I was a teenager, doing it with my mother. At the time, it was fantastic, but one crucial component to my lifestyle change was missing – my personal motivation and willpower. You see, my mother cooked the meals (mostly), she dictated what we had and I wasn’t allowed to purchase chocolate – it’s a bit hard to have such tempters when you don’t have money!! So, I became a very tiny 60kilos and was very thrilled. It was very noticeable and lots of people complimented. In hindsight, it meant nothing.
I’ve got a lot more to lose this time. I’m ashamed of that, but I am not daunted by it. To be honest, it was a long road to get to the blobification that I am, so it’ll be a long road to get back to what I should be.
Anyway, last week was my first weigh in. The only things I did last week were eat to the plan, avoid chocolate and high-points food and I think I walked once. I stepped on the scales and the lady gasped, made a strange noise and didn’t respond when I said, “what’s wrong?” At that point, I was starting to have a heart attack, internally panicking and wondering what her noise meant. I jumped to conclusions, because her noise meant, “Sam, you’ve somehow managed to lose 3.2kilos (just over 7lbs) from your lard arse!” I was visibly shocked, but more importantly, I was encouraged to continue.
This week wasn’t as great. I weighed in at lunch time, and somehow managed to stack on 500grams. Now, most of you will say that this is nothing and I shouldn’t be upset really. I understand that, but then I began thinking about what I might have done to upset the applecart, as it were.
The in-laws came for a visit on the weekend. I ate plum pudding with vanilla ice cream. I tried to limit my portion, but you know the dumb part? I DON’T like plum pudding and I prefer chocolate ice cream – chocolate anything – to vanilla. So, I have to stop myself from succumbing to that sort of shit.
One closer evaluation, I think my portion sizes are bigger than I estimated and perhaps I should have got off my butt to exercise more!! Hrm.
So, here it is internet. I have confessed. I was going to keep it a big secret for a while, but since this blog is a confessional, rather than a secret keeper – yeh right, I feel ok about speaking.
The WW thing has begun to gather momentum at work, with about 8-10 other people inspired to join. This has prompted one of the group to actually approach WW to do an At Work programme, where they actually come to your workplace, weigh you and speak with you. This could totally help, as Glen is already very supportive at home, so there’s no issue there (Mr I’ve Lost One Kilo!).
I have a lot to lose (in weight), so I am hoping that because I am heavier, the weight will drop off once I get my shit together. This will be a huge incentive to me. I mean, I’ve already noticed that my clothes are looser, to the point that all my work pants can be pulled over my waist and hips without being unbuttons or unzipped! Minor miracle there! I should also take my body measurements, as that’ll buoy me on the days like today!
Anyway Internet – shhhh!
Saturday 14 January 2006
eBay oddities...
I swear, you meet all types of dickheads, morons and snots on eBay. But then again, the majority are quite pleasant and easy to deal with.
Since Christmas, I have been listing a lot of items, from videos to VCRs, DVD player and TVs, as well as various other things. In that time, I have met one pleb who bid on my item, wouldn't communicate and then sent me a message saying he had decided not to pay and 'tough luck'. So, I wrote back and said tough luck to you, I'm reporting your ass! Another one purchased an item just before Christmas, promised to put the money in on 23rd December. I was still waiting for her to respond to two very polite emails asking what was happening. On the 29th so I wrote her a polite email saying that although Christmas was busy etc, she could have atleast responded to my emails as she had a responsibility. She wrote back and got snooty with me and then left a 'neutral' comment even when I left a positive one. Nice one cow.
Honestly, people just don't care anymore, they don't feel like they need to be accountable when they are face to face with the person they are dealing with. I swear, I've been nothing but polite, but sometimes you just wish people wouldn't waste your time. And then there are times that you wish you could withhold the item, just to fuck them over.
Tonight, I had a moron send a question in about the VCR I am selling. He starts it with, "Hey pal" - I'm nobody's freakin' pal! And then ends it with "Let me no (sp)". Yeh. I really want to take this twerp's money, let him come to my house and try to be civil with this turd?
On that note, time for bed! And honestly, I'm not in a bad mood, not even remotely. Just sometimes, I wish I had a $1 for every moron I seem to deal with - online and in reality! :)
On a side note, a big hello to Sonnet who is having baby #2 - good luck with Iris! And a hello to Margie who is suffering from the cold in Stockholm! Also, a big hi to Buzzaroni in the US - I have a little present for you which I will send shortly! :) And a thanks to Di and Ragan for sending her nice message. :)
And lastly, because I don't seem to know when to end a post, or how to introduce it! Anyway, it's apparently delurking week and I've been kind enough to say a big hi and howdy to the people who've asked for lurkers to delurk, so why don't you make me feel a little less lonely here in blogworld and send me a hello, where you are from and why you read. The third point, you don't have to comply with, but it's kinda cool to know.
Since Christmas, I have been listing a lot of items, from videos to VCRs, DVD player and TVs, as well as various other things. In that time, I have met one pleb who bid on my item, wouldn't communicate and then sent me a message saying he had decided not to pay and 'tough luck'. So, I wrote back and said tough luck to you, I'm reporting your ass! Another one purchased an item just before Christmas, promised to put the money in on 23rd December. I was still waiting for her to respond to two very polite emails asking what was happening. On the 29th so I wrote her a polite email saying that although Christmas was busy etc, she could have atleast responded to my emails as she had a responsibility. She wrote back and got snooty with me and then left a 'neutral' comment even when I left a positive one. Nice one cow.
Honestly, people just don't care anymore, they don't feel like they need to be accountable when they are face to face with the person they are dealing with. I swear, I've been nothing but polite, but sometimes you just wish people wouldn't waste your time. And then there are times that you wish you could withhold the item, just to fuck them over.
Tonight, I had a moron send a question in about the VCR I am selling. He starts it with, "Hey pal" - I'm nobody's freakin' pal! And then ends it with "Let me no (sp)". Yeh. I really want to take this twerp's money, let him come to my house and try to be civil with this turd?
On that note, time for bed! And honestly, I'm not in a bad mood, not even remotely. Just sometimes, I wish I had a $1 for every moron I seem to deal with - online and in reality! :)
On a side note, a big hello to Sonnet who is having baby #2 - good luck with Iris! And a hello to Margie who is suffering from the cold in Stockholm! Also, a big hi to Buzzaroni in the US - I have a little present for you which I will send shortly! :) And a thanks to Di and Ragan for sending her nice message. :)
And lastly, because I don't seem to know when to end a post, or how to introduce it! Anyway, it's apparently delurking week and I've been kind enough to say a big hi and howdy to the people who've asked for lurkers to delurk, so why don't you make me feel a little less lonely here in blogworld and send me a hello, where you are from and why you read. The third point, you don't have to comply with, but it's kinda cool to know.
Wednesday 11 January 2006
Sourness is bitter...
My afternoon has been considerably taken over by personal email, in a huge effort to make someone understand my concerns about our friendship. This isn’t the first time it has happened, when I’ve tried to get things out into the open. However, it has backfired and currently, it is backfiring on me. I’m just so tired of it.
You see, it’s hard work being this person’s friend. I’m probably partly to blame, I don’t know how to handle her, how to put boundaries in place and how to tell her to back off. I’m not good at that and I know she wouldn’t react well to that. More so, because she would dismiss me as being ‘moody’ and ‘easily annoyed – both comments she has specifically used to describe me. The issue is I’m basically only moody when I’m around her, which doesn’t say much, as she seems to be the biggest consumer of my time. We hang out a lot and it’s become quite time consuming.
We do get along for a good portion of the time, but for me, when she oversteps a boundary, I find it very hard to reconcile this kind of situation and then I get annoyed. I don’t tolerate people who don’t take responsibility for their own actions and have no understanding of how their actions affect others. I’ve never tolerated that, except in children and animals and the very old! I think it’s largely because I am always very mindful of how and what I say, affects others. I bend myself in knots, trying to be considerate and all I see her doing, is just being very casual about it all and basically assuming the attitude that I’ll have to cope with it, because this is how she chooses to be.
So, I’ve basically told her that I choose to not be friends anymore. I told her that I chose this because all other avenues and options have been explored and I cannot find a resolution. I’ve said that she doesn’t know me very well, despite the fact that we’ve managed to sustain a 5 year friendship. In that time, this issue has never changed, we’ve never resolved it. This is largely due to the fact that both, she doesn’t know she is doing it and at the same time, doesn’t see it as an issue.
I feel very sad about this. When things were good with us, we were fine. It was a bit of a superficial friendship, but we had fun and we did favours for each other. But I guess I want more, and I want someone who actually knows me, who is considerate of who I am and who wants to be actively responsible for their actions. I don’t mind friends who accidentally do things that are hurtful and realise later, or understand when I tell them. I don’t mind that, because I do it too and I’m always happy to hear ‘feedback’ from my friends. I’m always keen to please my friends. This is another thing, because I’ve let other friendships suffer for it. I’ve been slack and I’ve let myself be a bit monopolised, but I don’t blame my friend for that.
I guess that leads me to something else. In a bid to be flexible and my keenness to be a good friend to this person, I’ve sacrificed some of the things I wouldn’t normally do. I’ve just let many things slide, when ordinarily, I wouldn’t. I have given this person so much leeway, tried to be considerate of where they are coming from, and still, I feel like it’s not enough.
I basically came to the decision that she and I were not good for each other and our friendship was unhealthy.
Now, she is blaming me, saying it’s my problem and that this has been my goal the entire time – to end the friendship.
Doesn’t she realise that because I’ve spent the majority of my time with her, that I’ve alienated my friends and not met anyone new? And that to cut ties with her hurts me a lot that way, despite the fact that I hate hurting people.
The clincher was her attitude about Glen. They were friends before I met Glen, there is history there – friends only. Basically she feels like she put up with him and gave him all these second chances, because he annoyed her or something.
I’m just so lost, I wish I had all the answers.
You see, it’s hard work being this person’s friend. I’m probably partly to blame, I don’t know how to handle her, how to put boundaries in place and how to tell her to back off. I’m not good at that and I know she wouldn’t react well to that. More so, because she would dismiss me as being ‘moody’ and ‘easily annoyed – both comments she has specifically used to describe me. The issue is I’m basically only moody when I’m around her, which doesn’t say much, as she seems to be the biggest consumer of my time. We hang out a lot and it’s become quite time consuming.
We do get along for a good portion of the time, but for me, when she oversteps a boundary, I find it very hard to reconcile this kind of situation and then I get annoyed. I don’t tolerate people who don’t take responsibility for their own actions and have no understanding of how their actions affect others. I’ve never tolerated that, except in children and animals and the very old! I think it’s largely because I am always very mindful of how and what I say, affects others. I bend myself in knots, trying to be considerate and all I see her doing, is just being very casual about it all and basically assuming the attitude that I’ll have to cope with it, because this is how she chooses to be.
So, I’ve basically told her that I choose to not be friends anymore. I told her that I chose this because all other avenues and options have been explored and I cannot find a resolution. I’ve said that she doesn’t know me very well, despite the fact that we’ve managed to sustain a 5 year friendship. In that time, this issue has never changed, we’ve never resolved it. This is largely due to the fact that both, she doesn’t know she is doing it and at the same time, doesn’t see it as an issue.
I feel very sad about this. When things were good with us, we were fine. It was a bit of a superficial friendship, but we had fun and we did favours for each other. But I guess I want more, and I want someone who actually knows me, who is considerate of who I am and who wants to be actively responsible for their actions. I don’t mind friends who accidentally do things that are hurtful and realise later, or understand when I tell them. I don’t mind that, because I do it too and I’m always happy to hear ‘feedback’ from my friends. I’m always keen to please my friends. This is another thing, because I’ve let other friendships suffer for it. I’ve been slack and I’ve let myself be a bit monopolised, but I don’t blame my friend for that.
I guess that leads me to something else. In a bid to be flexible and my keenness to be a good friend to this person, I’ve sacrificed some of the things I wouldn’t normally do. I’ve just let many things slide, when ordinarily, I wouldn’t. I have given this person so much leeway, tried to be considerate of where they are coming from, and still, I feel like it’s not enough.
I basically came to the decision that she and I were not good for each other and our friendship was unhealthy.
Now, she is blaming me, saying it’s my problem and that this has been my goal the entire time – to end the friendship.
Doesn’t she realise that because I’ve spent the majority of my time with her, that I’ve alienated my friends and not met anyone new? And that to cut ties with her hurts me a lot that way, despite the fact that I hate hurting people.
The clincher was her attitude about Glen. They were friends before I met Glen, there is history there – friends only. Basically she feels like she put up with him and gave him all these second chances, because he annoyed her or something.
I’m just so lost, I wish I had all the answers.
Tuesday 10 January 2006
Trials and tribulations...
I'm sulking. I was called into the GM's office today and delivered the bad news. No new, exciting job for me. Apparently the girl who has been offered the position has extensive experience which couldn't be ignored. I'll survive. I'm a bit lost, but then I'm always lost when it comes to my career, when it comes to doing something I really love. You see, my jobs have never been something I really love, that I am passionate about. That makes me feel lost. But anyway, I'll sulk for a few days and then I'll get back to reality.
I've also realised today that a friend I have been having huge amounts of issues with is just a lost cause. We don't understand each other, there's always miscommunication and generally, we're just not good together. I realised too that her notion of who I am and the things I say is not who I am and is not what I mean. So, her take on me is inaccurate, but when she tells me it's my fault, or that I am overreacting, it's wrong. Being her friend really makes me question myself. So when she tells me I am overreacting, I often question myself, to the point where I doubt myself. When, in fact, I should trust my instincts and not listen to her. But it's hard and it's never going to work. I'm tired of the conflict, tired of the constant miscommunication and I'm tired of being undermined for my feelings. I hope that makes sense. It was like a bit of an epiphany today for me. It's been very hard for me to reconcile this friendship, trying to work out why I don't want it, and then sometimes, she is a good friend. I have felt very conflicted about this friendship and I think I've agonised over it more than she or anyone else has. But generally, this friendship is just unhealthy for me and it just can't work like that. I kinda have to be selfish about it.
Now, how do I actually tell her?
I've also realised today that a friend I have been having huge amounts of issues with is just a lost cause. We don't understand each other, there's always miscommunication and generally, we're just not good together. I realised too that her notion of who I am and the things I say is not who I am and is not what I mean. So, her take on me is inaccurate, but when she tells me it's my fault, or that I am overreacting, it's wrong. Being her friend really makes me question myself. So when she tells me I am overreacting, I often question myself, to the point where I doubt myself. When, in fact, I should trust my instincts and not listen to her. But it's hard and it's never going to work. I'm tired of the conflict, tired of the constant miscommunication and I'm tired of being undermined for my feelings. I hope that makes sense. It was like a bit of an epiphany today for me. It's been very hard for me to reconcile this friendship, trying to work out why I don't want it, and then sometimes, she is a good friend. I have felt very conflicted about this friendship and I think I've agonised over it more than she or anyone else has. But generally, this friendship is just unhealthy for me and it just can't work like that. I kinda have to be selfish about it.
Now, how do I actually tell her?
Incensed...
I swear, this world continually shocks and surprises me. The latest shock to my little delicate system (yeh right) is the latest news coming from the States, regarding how Utah and Washington have basically banned the film Brokeback Mountain because of its 'morally offensive' content. It has gone as far as to have the Conference of Catholic Bishops give it an 'O' rating, which basically labels it as morally offensive. Honestly, have we lost our minds?
I was thinking about it this morning whilst having breakfast. I am happy to be living in a country which is fairly open minded and above all else, holds the philosophy that whilst the things that some people do, is not always met with approval, it is not banned or buried away, never to be seen. I am certain this country houses a number of groups who would have a similar response to the movie, but in the main, I seem to live in a society which tolerates such things. More importantly, there are not whole states boycotting this movie, or the ideals behind it. I hope? What incenses me is that these cinemas and churches are speaking for a group of other people which it represents, or in the case of the cinemas, a group of people who have no choice but to accept the decision and find somewhere else to watch this movie. It reminded me of the movie, Footloose, which was set in a town which seemed to thrive on moral responsibility and good church-going citizens who burnt books and banned dancing.
I'm just a bit annoyed that the beliefs of some seem to dictate and impinge on the rights and beliefs of many, or of others in general. I always thought I was a pretty good person, I wasn't completely morally corrupt, though I am not a saint and that I accepted others as they came to me, without a great deal of judgement or prejudice. I accept others beliefs, and while I may not agree with them, I don't push my beliefs, or lack of, onto them. So, why do I feel like it's not the same ideal on the other side?
I don't want to be told what I can and cannot watch - that era of my life has passed (thanks Mum!). I don't want to be told that I am morally corrupt because I wish to watch a movie such as this one - I'm old enough to judge for myself and I'm certainly not going to jump onto the nearest gay-bandwagon and bat for the other side!
What gets me is that there are other movies which have been made in the past with similar themes, so what makes this movie different? And what was the reaction to those at the time? I can think of movies such as The Birdcage (yes, a comedy!), Angels in America and If These Walls Could Talk. I am sure there are numerous others.
I'm just a bit annoyed that there are factions within our society which have deemed themselves the holy protectors of my virtues and morals, when I did not delegate them and my virtues and morals did not need protecting. Why can't people just leave other people alone to live their lives the way they have seen fit?
I was thinking about it this morning whilst having breakfast. I am happy to be living in a country which is fairly open minded and above all else, holds the philosophy that whilst the things that some people do, is not always met with approval, it is not banned or buried away, never to be seen. I am certain this country houses a number of groups who would have a similar response to the movie, but in the main, I seem to live in a society which tolerates such things. More importantly, there are not whole states boycotting this movie, or the ideals behind it. I hope? What incenses me is that these cinemas and churches are speaking for a group of other people which it represents, or in the case of the cinemas, a group of people who have no choice but to accept the decision and find somewhere else to watch this movie. It reminded me of the movie, Footloose, which was set in a town which seemed to thrive on moral responsibility and good church-going citizens who burnt books and banned dancing.
I'm just a bit annoyed that the beliefs of some seem to dictate and impinge on the rights and beliefs of many, or of others in general. I always thought I was a pretty good person, I wasn't completely morally corrupt, though I am not a saint and that I accepted others as they came to me, without a great deal of judgement or prejudice. I accept others beliefs, and while I may not agree with them, I don't push my beliefs, or lack of, onto them. So, why do I feel like it's not the same ideal on the other side?
I don't want to be told what I can and cannot watch - that era of my life has passed (thanks Mum!). I don't want to be told that I am morally corrupt because I wish to watch a movie such as this one - I'm old enough to judge for myself and I'm certainly not going to jump onto the nearest gay-bandwagon and bat for the other side!
What gets me is that there are other movies which have been made in the past with similar themes, so what makes this movie different? And what was the reaction to those at the time? I can think of movies such as The Birdcage (yes, a comedy!), Angels in America and If These Walls Could Talk. I am sure there are numerous others.
I'm just a bit annoyed that there are factions within our society which have deemed themselves the holy protectors of my virtues and morals, when I did not delegate them and my virtues and morals did not need protecting. Why can't people just leave other people alone to live their lives the way they have seen fit?
Monday 9 January 2006
Countdown...
I don't have great gobs of anything to say. Today was dull, or as we used to say as teens, boring as batshit! I guess we're just not in the mood to really be working right now. The busy period for us, where the deadlines were constantly breathing down our necks, just isn't an issue anymore. So, I guess we've slacked off. It's not to say that we haven't been working, because we have, but we're bored with it and it's hard to maintain focus. Blergh.
So, today I surfed the net, talked to friends at work and just generally tried very hard to pass the day quickly. And here I sit. I'm so tired! Last night, it was very hot and it was hard to sleep. I hate that sleep where you are aware of everything and you wake up feeling like you've just gone to sleep. I really miss winter.
In other matters, I calculated today (in my boredom) that it's 46 sleeps until we get the keys to our house! I shall try to maintain a countdown. It's still very surreal for me, and I'm not that excited. I think I've come to the realisation that it's not really that exciting and it's just another place to call home. I think I've always known that, but I wanted the excitement to be there. Not that I am not excited, but it's just that I'm over it already and it really hasn't begun. Ho hum.
Sold another item tonight on Ebay. Oh yeh, I've been selling on Ebay! I've sold a stack load, including Glen's DVD player, my old VCR, a number of videos, a palm pilot and a TV. Yay! We've made about $300, which is nice. It has come in handy, though it's largely for day to day stuff, and nothing of value can be attributed to the money we have.
Anyway, enough of my boring entry. I'm going to bed soon, so I can sleep and sleep!
PS: Let me know what you think of the new format. It's a little unexpected, but the colours have really grown on me.
PPS: Still waiting to hear from one of your about HTML with regards to the banner! Although, Di kindly offered her commiserations!
So, today I surfed the net, talked to friends at work and just generally tried very hard to pass the day quickly. And here I sit. I'm so tired! Last night, it was very hot and it was hard to sleep. I hate that sleep where you are aware of everything and you wake up feeling like you've just gone to sleep. I really miss winter.
In other matters, I calculated today (in my boredom) that it's 46 sleeps until we get the keys to our house! I shall try to maintain a countdown. It's still very surreal for me, and I'm not that excited. I think I've come to the realisation that it's not really that exciting and it's just another place to call home. I think I've always known that, but I wanted the excitement to be there. Not that I am not excited, but it's just that I'm over it already and it really hasn't begun. Ho hum.
Sold another item tonight on Ebay. Oh yeh, I've been selling on Ebay! I've sold a stack load, including Glen's DVD player, my old VCR, a number of videos, a palm pilot and a TV. Yay! We've made about $300, which is nice. It has come in handy, though it's largely for day to day stuff, and nothing of value can be attributed to the money we have.
Anyway, enough of my boring entry. I'm going to bed soon, so I can sleep and sleep!
PS: Let me know what you think of the new format. It's a little unexpected, but the colours have really grown on me.
PPS: Still waiting to hear from one of your about HTML with regards to the banner! Although, Di kindly offered her commiserations!
Sunday 8 January 2006
Crap, shit, fark!
Argh! I'm starting to lose my cool with both Photoshop and HTML in general! Argh!!
I've found some nice funky colours for the background, but I still can't stretch the banner across the screen - it wants to duplicate two photos, not one stretched image. Fuck it. And i don't like the title bar being white. I want to get rid of it and Photoshop one in there instead.
It's just such a fucken shit.
Sorry for the expletives, but I'm jack of this!!
I've found some nice funky colours for the background, but I still can't stretch the banner across the screen - it wants to duplicate two photos, not one stretched image. Fuck it. And i don't like the title bar being white. I want to get rid of it and Photoshop one in there instead.
It's just such a fucken shit.
Sorry for the expletives, but I'm jack of this!!
Saturday 7 January 2006
TEST
Sorry for the crap-look of the site. I'm struggling with HTML and I really want a banner, rather than a block of colour, like I used to have.
So, bear with me.
Btw, anyone know how to make the Clio banner stretch across the top, rather than breaking it up into two pictures?
So, bear with me.
Btw, anyone know how to make the Clio banner stretch across the top, rather than breaking it up into two pictures?
Friday 6 January 2006
The last 30 hours...
Woe is me. The last 30 hours have been a little bit of a rollercoaster. Here in Australia, it is Friday night and I feel like it should be Friday night in two years time! I'm a bit exhausted.
I woke up at about 3am today with a thumper of a migraine, which was scary, because it was a migraine I've never had before. It felt like a bolt had been shoved through the front right of my forehead and was bolted at the back right of my skull. Really yuk. I tried to sleep for a little while longer, but it was no use. I got my wheat pillow and heated it up. Let me tell you, 4 minutes waiting for a wheat pillow to heat are the longest minutes of any person's life. It's arduous and traumatic for me. Anyway, I got up again at 6am or thereabouts and decided I was in serious need of a bucket. I got my trusty 'spew' bucket from the laundry and took it back to bed. Glen followed. I can't vomit in front of anyone, well only if I am drunk and then I don't have a lot of choice. I told him to leave, he didn't hear me the first time, so the second time, my delivery of the news wasn't very nice! Sorry Glen. :) I spewed. I thought, "great! I'll start to improve". I didn't. I spewed again, and again, and again. Glen brought toast and tea in for me and left for work. I spewed again. I tried some toast, I forced a nibble, I spewed. It was pretty glamorous, let me just say!
I woke up at 2pm, head was still thumping, but by then, at some stage in my stupor, I had eaten my toast and revelled in the joys of cold tea. No. Honestly, cold tea is lovely! You should try it, though I advise against trying it with milk.
Anyway, that's been today. And even now, almost 10pm, I feel quite ill. My stomach hurts and my throat feels like I've raked razor blades up and done it! I'm going to bed shortly in the hope that tomorrow is always a better day!
Yesterday! I said the last 30 hours! Yesterday, I had my third interview for this job. This time it was with the dude who leads up the department and who will ultimately be my boss. I walked out of the interview thinking that I didn't stand a chance, that I had fucked it. When my friend came out (she was interviewing me also), I told her I'd ballsed it. She was quite certain I hadn't and assured me all was ok. This is despite the fact that the boss dude gave me that forced smile. You know the forced smile I am talking about, right? It lasts too long, it looks insincere and is very uncomfortable? Apparently this is just him. I like this guy too, so I guess it's just him. So, apparently I'm in with a good chance.
God. I'm scared of getting it. it's a new, challenging job. But at the same time, I soo soo want it. Who knows. THat was something I was thinking about this morning at 3am whilst I was desperately battling my migraine. I was thinking about it and how scary it was. If they hire me, I hope it's because they know I can do it. I want them to be sure I can do it, not because I am an internal candidate, or because I said the right, or the wrong thing! Hrm.
Off to bed shortly. Hopefully my bruised tummy will heal itself.
I woke up at about 3am today with a thumper of a migraine, which was scary, because it was a migraine I've never had before. It felt like a bolt had been shoved through the front right of my forehead and was bolted at the back right of my skull. Really yuk. I tried to sleep for a little while longer, but it was no use. I got my wheat pillow and heated it up. Let me tell you, 4 minutes waiting for a wheat pillow to heat are the longest minutes of any person's life. It's arduous and traumatic for me. Anyway, I got up again at 6am or thereabouts and decided I was in serious need of a bucket. I got my trusty 'spew' bucket from the laundry and took it back to bed. Glen followed. I can't vomit in front of anyone, well only if I am drunk and then I don't have a lot of choice. I told him to leave, he didn't hear me the first time, so the second time, my delivery of the news wasn't very nice! Sorry Glen. :) I spewed. I thought, "great! I'll start to improve". I didn't. I spewed again, and again, and again. Glen brought toast and tea in for me and left for work. I spewed again. I tried some toast, I forced a nibble, I spewed. It was pretty glamorous, let me just say!
I woke up at 2pm, head was still thumping, but by then, at some stage in my stupor, I had eaten my toast and revelled in the joys of cold tea. No. Honestly, cold tea is lovely! You should try it, though I advise against trying it with milk.
Anyway, that's been today. And even now, almost 10pm, I feel quite ill. My stomach hurts and my throat feels like I've raked razor blades up and done it! I'm going to bed shortly in the hope that tomorrow is always a better day!
Yesterday! I said the last 30 hours! Yesterday, I had my third interview for this job. This time it was with the dude who leads up the department and who will ultimately be my boss. I walked out of the interview thinking that I didn't stand a chance, that I had fucked it. When my friend came out (she was interviewing me also), I told her I'd ballsed it. She was quite certain I hadn't and assured me all was ok. This is despite the fact that the boss dude gave me that forced smile. You know the forced smile I am talking about, right? It lasts too long, it looks insincere and is very uncomfortable? Apparently this is just him. I like this guy too, so I guess it's just him. So, apparently I'm in with a good chance.
God. I'm scared of getting it. it's a new, challenging job. But at the same time, I soo soo want it. Who knows. THat was something I was thinking about this morning at 3am whilst I was desperately battling my migraine. I was thinking about it and how scary it was. If they hire me, I hope it's because they know I can do it. I want them to be sure I can do it, not because I am an internal candidate, or because I said the right, or the wrong thing! Hrm.
Off to bed shortly. Hopefully my bruised tummy will heal itself.
Tuesday 3 January 2006
Ventilation...
I haven't had the best start to 2006. I mean, it hasn't been dreadful or horrific by any means, but it hasn't been ideal. I've somehow got a nice case of food poisoning and to be perfectly honest, it's just coming out too freely. I know, a little TMI. Suffer. This is my blog and it's not like we all haven't been there before!
Anyway, I was sitting here, thinking about the bad day I had and then I realised that I internalise a lot of small, trivial stuff which amounts to a lot of big shit for me. Mostly, it just culminates with one small concern and I flip out. So, I was here on the lounge, wondering why I couldn't tell the people around me, like Glen. Then I realised it is because the stuff I 'sweat' is small and trivial, and why should I bother people with small crap like that?
So, I guess I'm sitting here, wondering why I don't vent in my blog. Whinge about the small stuff and really get it out of my system. Yes, I know it might seem like I whinge a lot, or it might seem like I don't say much at all. But, I guess it's a forewarning for anyone who doesn't want to hear my whinge, from time to time.
What led me here was today's events. It was my first day back at work, this combined with gastro and lack of sleep, due to dehydration, I was a little out of it today. I was knackered before I woke up. Ok. Preface finished.
So, my colleague and I compiled a feedback form today, for a project we'd completed late last year. We wanted to know what people thought of what we did. So, we got a bit high tech and decided to fiddle with form fields and drop down menus. You see, the thing with drop down menus in word is you have to lock the document before the drop down screens work. Anyway, so we sent out the feedback form and someone called and said that there wasn't any place for them to say that our 'service' was fabulous. We had just assumed that people would say they wanted to change it, and that things like communication needed to 'more' or 'less'. There was no facility for it to be 'acceptable' or 'fine as it was'. So, taking his positive feedback on board, I quickly changed the template and resent it. I stupidly forgot to lock the document and these people won't know how to do it themselves, so that they can access the drop down menus.
No, not all the questions in the questionnaire needed a drop down menu - thank god. But there were 4 questions which relied on it. I felt like a bit of a fool and I guess it adds to what some people think out in the network of offices. We didn't have the nicest of experiences with some of the sites when completing our project and there was some friction. Obviously, I'm annoyed and irritated by my stupidity, and short of reposting the questionnaire, I have to leave it as it is, so I can save face. It shits me. I always do this. I plan something, but I fail to pick it from all angles, and thus, someone else ends up picking something up, and I either lose face, or I'm spared the shame.
I don't really know what to do about my stupidity on a day to day basis. I mean, I know I've done this before and it's usually when I'm in a rush to rectify a situation that was inadvertantly created. Don't get me wrong, I don't do it on a regular occurence, but enough for me to know I have done it before and that I could kick myself for it. It's usually when I am not quite with it, or there are many many things occupying my mind.
I could beat myself up for it. I could lose sleep over it, like I would normally do. But I have chosen to blog about it, to try and vent a little. You know, this is the original reason I began blogging all those years ago in 2001. It's almost five years since I began blogging. Wow. But yeh, it was the original premise for starting to blog and in some ways, I've missed that. When I began blogging, I was living alone in a small country town. I was desperately lonely for friends, for anyone. I had a hard job, which required me to work 24/7. I was just a boring sod, but I needed somewhere to vent, so I recorded everything online - even the things that I am almost ashamed to admit today.
So yeh. I guess this could be a new year's resolution for me. It's not something I've ever sworn to do and I have to admit, unlike new year's resolutions, I have a feeling that it won't be hard for me to keep this one. Now, if only I can keep resolutions like 'eat healthy', or 'lose weight', or 'be nicer'!
Now, 53 sleeps until we get the keys to our house...
Another woe. I'm silently panicking about whether we'll be able to maintain the mortgage and still pay the bills. It stresses me at night when I give myself too much time to go to sleep. It's at the point where I take a mersyndol when I go to bed, so that I can sleep - even if I'm lying there thinking about the house stuff, I'll eventually succumb to sleep - I can rely on that. Incidentally, for non-Aussie readers, mersyndol is a common, over the counter migraine/headache drug which has a relaxant in it. I take it when I've got a hum-dinger of a migraine and it's tightening my neck or really banging in my head.
So, yeh I worry. I know I worry. I am panicking about it. And I can't help but think that Glen is naive about the mortgage. It's an irrational thought, because Glen is a smart guy and we both know that we'll be ok, but it will be tough. But when I am panicking, I can't accept his consolations, because I just reason in my head that he doesn't really know, that he's naive and isn't in full receipt of the facts. I'm such a dill, I know.
And even now, I am quiet. Tonight, i have been quiet. I know it. I also know that I don't like talking to anyone, so if the phone rings, I ignore it. If Glen starts talking, I space out and I try not to initiate conversation. I think he understands though and he's patient. He knows eventually that I'll talk. He worries in the meantime. Anyway, I am quiet tonight and I'm not in a great mood. I'm sitting here, silently worrying about things, which many will think are insignificant, but worries that I know will plague me tonight unless I take a mersyndol and drift off to sleep. Before you start ranting at me, I don't take it a lot. I invariably get a migraine more than I have something to stress about - which isn't saying too much.
So this is me. This is the emotional wreck I can be.
Now, excuse me while I make another trip to the bathroom. Grr. :(
Anyway, I was sitting here, thinking about the bad day I had and then I realised that I internalise a lot of small, trivial stuff which amounts to a lot of big shit for me. Mostly, it just culminates with one small concern and I flip out. So, I was here on the lounge, wondering why I couldn't tell the people around me, like Glen. Then I realised it is because the stuff I 'sweat' is small and trivial, and why should I bother people with small crap like that?
So, I guess I'm sitting here, wondering why I don't vent in my blog. Whinge about the small stuff and really get it out of my system. Yes, I know it might seem like I whinge a lot, or it might seem like I don't say much at all. But, I guess it's a forewarning for anyone who doesn't want to hear my whinge, from time to time.
What led me here was today's events. It was my first day back at work, this combined with gastro and lack of sleep, due to dehydration, I was a little out of it today. I was knackered before I woke up. Ok. Preface finished.
So, my colleague and I compiled a feedback form today, for a project we'd completed late last year. We wanted to know what people thought of what we did. So, we got a bit high tech and decided to fiddle with form fields and drop down menus. You see, the thing with drop down menus in word is you have to lock the document before the drop down screens work. Anyway, so we sent out the feedback form and someone called and said that there wasn't any place for them to say that our 'service' was fabulous. We had just assumed that people would say they wanted to change it, and that things like communication needed to 'more' or 'less'. There was no facility for it to be 'acceptable' or 'fine as it was'. So, taking his positive feedback on board, I quickly changed the template and resent it. I stupidly forgot to lock the document and these people won't know how to do it themselves, so that they can access the drop down menus.
No, not all the questions in the questionnaire needed a drop down menu - thank god. But there were 4 questions which relied on it. I felt like a bit of a fool and I guess it adds to what some people think out in the network of offices. We didn't have the nicest of experiences with some of the sites when completing our project and there was some friction. Obviously, I'm annoyed and irritated by my stupidity, and short of reposting the questionnaire, I have to leave it as it is, so I can save face. It shits me. I always do this. I plan something, but I fail to pick it from all angles, and thus, someone else ends up picking something up, and I either lose face, or I'm spared the shame.
I don't really know what to do about my stupidity on a day to day basis. I mean, I know I've done this before and it's usually when I'm in a rush to rectify a situation that was inadvertantly created. Don't get me wrong, I don't do it on a regular occurence, but enough for me to know I have done it before and that I could kick myself for it. It's usually when I am not quite with it, or there are many many things occupying my mind.
I could beat myself up for it. I could lose sleep over it, like I would normally do. But I have chosen to blog about it, to try and vent a little. You know, this is the original reason I began blogging all those years ago in 2001. It's almost five years since I began blogging. Wow. But yeh, it was the original premise for starting to blog and in some ways, I've missed that. When I began blogging, I was living alone in a small country town. I was desperately lonely for friends, for anyone. I had a hard job, which required me to work 24/7. I was just a boring sod, but I needed somewhere to vent, so I recorded everything online - even the things that I am almost ashamed to admit today.
So yeh. I guess this could be a new year's resolution for me. It's not something I've ever sworn to do and I have to admit, unlike new year's resolutions, I have a feeling that it won't be hard for me to keep this one. Now, if only I can keep resolutions like 'eat healthy', or 'lose weight', or 'be nicer'!
Now, 53 sleeps until we get the keys to our house...
Another woe. I'm silently panicking about whether we'll be able to maintain the mortgage and still pay the bills. It stresses me at night when I give myself too much time to go to sleep. It's at the point where I take a mersyndol when I go to bed, so that I can sleep - even if I'm lying there thinking about the house stuff, I'll eventually succumb to sleep - I can rely on that. Incidentally, for non-Aussie readers, mersyndol is a common, over the counter migraine/headache drug which has a relaxant in it. I take it when I've got a hum-dinger of a migraine and it's tightening my neck or really banging in my head.
So, yeh I worry. I know I worry. I am panicking about it. And I can't help but think that Glen is naive about the mortgage. It's an irrational thought, because Glen is a smart guy and we both know that we'll be ok, but it will be tough. But when I am panicking, I can't accept his consolations, because I just reason in my head that he doesn't really know, that he's naive and isn't in full receipt of the facts. I'm such a dill, I know.
And even now, I am quiet. Tonight, i have been quiet. I know it. I also know that I don't like talking to anyone, so if the phone rings, I ignore it. If Glen starts talking, I space out and I try not to initiate conversation. I think he understands though and he's patient. He knows eventually that I'll talk. He worries in the meantime. Anyway, I am quiet tonight and I'm not in a great mood. I'm sitting here, silently worrying about things, which many will think are insignificant, but worries that I know will plague me tonight unless I take a mersyndol and drift off to sleep. Before you start ranting at me, I don't take it a lot. I invariably get a migraine more than I have something to stress about - which isn't saying too much.
So this is me. This is the emotional wreck I can be.
Now, excuse me while I make another trip to the bathroom. Grr. :(
Monday 2 January 2006
Four Things...
Firstly, a big Happy Birthday to one time best friend, Di who turned 30 today! Wow! Never thought we'd get this far!
Four jobs you’ve had in your life:
Four jobs you’ve had in your life:
- Journalist
- Head Hunter
- Tender Writer
- Tender Administrator
- Grosse Point Blank
- Anne of Green Gables
- High Fidelity
- Love Actually
Four places you have lived:
- Coonabarabran
- Quirindi
- Armidale
- Swan Hill
Four TV shows you love to watch:
(currently)
- Surface - that cute pet sea monster show
- Threshold
- Veronica Mars
- Gilmore Girls (though, slightly ahead...)
(forever)
- X Files
- Battlestar Galactica
- Earth 2 - remember??
- Gaah...
Four places you've been on holiday:
- Sydney
- California/Boston/New York
- Apollo Bay
- Japan
Four websites you visit daily:
- Ebay
- Gmail
- Herald Sun/SMH/The Age
- 30 odd blogs
Four of your favourite foods:
- Chocolate
- Tim Tams
- Chocolate covered Almonds
- Anything chicken
Four places you'd rather be:
- Florence
- Paris
- Grand Canyon
- Great Britain
Sunday 1 January 2006
Goodbye 2005...Hello 2006...
You know, it had never occured to me to write a retrospective about my 2005 - not until I saw various other people put something in their blogs. I have seen a few different formats; from covering each month of 2005 - which personally, I have no idea whether I could remember each month! I guess I could try. Let's see...
January
We had just come back from two weeks leave over Christmas. I had spent Christmas with my mum and was flush with money, thanks to my new whizz-bang job. However, as soon as I arrived back to work, it became quite busy. I spent a whole week in Canberra, away from Glen and my normal life.
February
Work was still hellish busy. We were starting to work nights and I was getting home at 3am on average, once/twice a month. During this time, we had to move from our townhouse to the current rental house. It was a very positive move for us, because the new agent was happy to have our cats. The old place didn't know they existed and with the threat of renovation and potential uncovering of our pussy-cats, we had to leave. (Ed's note: The townhouse is yet to be renovated! Go figure!)
March
We, well I made a decision to get a labrador! I desperately wanted a dog, so we did some research and discovered a breeder in an inner suburb of Melbourne. We waited, we visited. Glen also celebrated his birthday in March and we sold both of our cars within the space of a week. We were carless, but with motorbikes. Incidentally, I was ramping up at work, working long hours for a week at a time. It was starting to wear me out and my manager and I were not seeing eye to eye.
April
It came and went in a blur. We were still stalking labrador puppies and were close to picking one. The lady was a total ditz and you could tell she was in it purely for the money. Work was getting worse and at points, my manager was flipping out at me for no reason, except that she was unreasonable and disorganised.
May
We picked up Clio from the stupid breeder, vowing never to deal with ehr again. Having said that, we have an adorable black labrador whom we'd never give up. May 13 - a Friday, I tore 2 of my 3 ligaments in my ankle and it would be months (even now) until it would heal. It was also this day that I picked Diana up from the airport. We hadn't seen each other in over 10 years. It was surreal and felt like home. It was like we were never apart. End of that month, we purchased our new car. Towards the end of this month, work was becoming intolerable and I was already setting up interviews to find a way out. My manager went into meltdown and into a screaming fit at me for something which wasn't my fault. Thankfully, she did it in front of my colleague, who finally understood what I was crapping on about. I started to get depressed and sick.
June
Not much happened. New car, new dog, looking for a new job consumed. Working until 5am on a Monday morning after working an entire weekend, putting up with my manager's shit. I stopped putting effort into my job end of this month. I was also in the midst of interviews for a job which offered less stress, less hours and less money. I was desperate to get out, close to calling it quits, but knowing I couldn't. I was lucky to have organised two weeks off during this month and was able to schedule some of these interviews.
July
I told my shit, bitch manager to stick her job - I was diplomatic and nice about it. I gave 2 weeks notice and was out of there end of July. I was thrilled. Life felt like it was getting better. I had another week off in between jobs. Incidentally, I had lasted just 9 months in this ridiculous job. I wasn't proud of myself for making such a bad career move. I should have listed to my instincts.
August
I started my new job and never looked back. August was also the month that Glen and I realised how close we were to not reaching our goal to move out of this house to a house we own. We start searching for a house. It is depressing, but we're serious. We are told to wait until I have secured three months employment in my current employment.
September
Not much happens. Job is becoming busier, but I am enjoying it.
October
Itching to be done with my three month probation. Saving like a mad fool, living off the smell of an oily rag. Work gets busier and I am enjoying it.
November
FINALLY! I get a glowing report for my three month probation. That weekend, we apply for our loan, we get confirmation. We go out house hunting and end of November, I think, we sign a contract on a house which we both love. It's not the taj mahal, but we can see potential in it. We get it for a bit of a bargain, so we're happy.
December
Work starts to quieten down. We are busily organising our home loan stuff, speaking to building inspectors and conveyancers and generally dreaming about our house :) Clio is also desexed, after months and many vets telling us she has to have a season, due to a disfunctional 'girl' bit! *laugh* We see another vet, who is recommended by a friend and he gives us that measure of comfort we've been looking for. Work stuff is interesting. A colleague recommends me for another position within the organisation and I submit my application. My current manager is flabbergasted and I am concerned. I feel like I am letting her down. BUt she supports me and I pursue the position. so far, I've had two interviews and am scheduled for a third in the early new year. In other news, our organisation offers all sorts of wonderful thigns to its employees, including three paid days off at Christmas, a christmas ham, an $80 gift voucher for Myers, movie tickets and an all-expenses paid Christmas lunch. Oh yeh, my friend Margie and her partner, Dennis moved to Stockholm for two years.
If I remember more, I'll add it to the entry, but this is pretty good for my swiss cheese memory.
January
We had just come back from two weeks leave over Christmas. I had spent Christmas with my mum and was flush with money, thanks to my new whizz-bang job. However, as soon as I arrived back to work, it became quite busy. I spent a whole week in Canberra, away from Glen and my normal life.
February
Work was still hellish busy. We were starting to work nights and I was getting home at 3am on average, once/twice a month. During this time, we had to move from our townhouse to the current rental house. It was a very positive move for us, because the new agent was happy to have our cats. The old place didn't know they existed and with the threat of renovation and potential uncovering of our pussy-cats, we had to leave. (Ed's note: The townhouse is yet to be renovated! Go figure!)
March
We, well I made a decision to get a labrador! I desperately wanted a dog, so we did some research and discovered a breeder in an inner suburb of Melbourne. We waited, we visited. Glen also celebrated his birthday in March and we sold both of our cars within the space of a week. We were carless, but with motorbikes. Incidentally, I was ramping up at work, working long hours for a week at a time. It was starting to wear me out and my manager and I were not seeing eye to eye.
April
It came and went in a blur. We were still stalking labrador puppies and were close to picking one. The lady was a total ditz and you could tell she was in it purely for the money. Work was getting worse and at points, my manager was flipping out at me for no reason, except that she was unreasonable and disorganised.
May
We picked up Clio from the stupid breeder, vowing never to deal with ehr again. Having said that, we have an adorable black labrador whom we'd never give up. May 13 - a Friday, I tore 2 of my 3 ligaments in my ankle and it would be months (even now) until it would heal. It was also this day that I picked Diana up from the airport. We hadn't seen each other in over 10 years. It was surreal and felt like home. It was like we were never apart. End of that month, we purchased our new car. Towards the end of this month, work was becoming intolerable and I was already setting up interviews to find a way out. My manager went into meltdown and into a screaming fit at me for something which wasn't my fault. Thankfully, she did it in front of my colleague, who finally understood what I was crapping on about. I started to get depressed and sick.
June
Not much happened. New car, new dog, looking for a new job consumed. Working until 5am on a Monday morning after working an entire weekend, putting up with my manager's shit. I stopped putting effort into my job end of this month. I was also in the midst of interviews for a job which offered less stress, less hours and less money. I was desperate to get out, close to calling it quits, but knowing I couldn't. I was lucky to have organised two weeks off during this month and was able to schedule some of these interviews.
July
I told my shit, bitch manager to stick her job - I was diplomatic and nice about it. I gave 2 weeks notice and was out of there end of July. I was thrilled. Life felt like it was getting better. I had another week off in between jobs. Incidentally, I had lasted just 9 months in this ridiculous job. I wasn't proud of myself for making such a bad career move. I should have listed to my instincts.
August
I started my new job and never looked back. August was also the month that Glen and I realised how close we were to not reaching our goal to move out of this house to a house we own. We start searching for a house. It is depressing, but we're serious. We are told to wait until I have secured three months employment in my current employment.
September
Not much happens. Job is becoming busier, but I am enjoying it.
October
Itching to be done with my three month probation. Saving like a mad fool, living off the smell of an oily rag. Work gets busier and I am enjoying it.
November
FINALLY! I get a glowing report for my three month probation. That weekend, we apply for our loan, we get confirmation. We go out house hunting and end of November, I think, we sign a contract on a house which we both love. It's not the taj mahal, but we can see potential in it. We get it for a bit of a bargain, so we're happy.
December
Work starts to quieten down. We are busily organising our home loan stuff, speaking to building inspectors and conveyancers and generally dreaming about our house :) Clio is also desexed, after months and many vets telling us she has to have a season, due to a disfunctional 'girl' bit! *laugh* We see another vet, who is recommended by a friend and he gives us that measure of comfort we've been looking for. Work stuff is interesting. A colleague recommends me for another position within the organisation and I submit my application. My current manager is flabbergasted and I am concerned. I feel like I am letting her down. BUt she supports me and I pursue the position. so far, I've had two interviews and am scheduled for a third in the early new year. In other news, our organisation offers all sorts of wonderful thigns to its employees, including three paid days off at Christmas, a christmas ham, an $80 gift voucher for Myers, movie tickets and an all-expenses paid Christmas lunch. Oh yeh, my friend Margie and her partner, Dennis moved to Stockholm for two years.
If I remember more, I'll add it to the entry, but this is pretty good for my swiss cheese memory.
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