Don't read if you want to keep nice, pleasant images of me...

I have debated for a while with myself as to whether to discuss this topic with the greater web community and I'm still not sure about it. So, this post could be up for 24 hours, or up for 3 days, or more.

What I'm talking about is hemorrhoids. They are evil, bad bad things.

I confess, I had my first one a couple of years ago. It freaked me out, but it has been relatively good and hasn't bothered me, until yesterday. It sucks really, because it's become more of an issue and has *clears throat* protruded a little, which is unnerving and uncomfortable. And now, there's nothing I can do about it. I have since learned that I am a bit predisposed to it, having discovered my mother and grandmother also got them fairly easily.

So ho hum. It sucks. I'm uncomfortable and feeling rather sorry for myself. I feel cranky at myself for letting it get this bad without taking any notice of it. It shits me a little that I have ignored my body and its needs, because I could have avoided this by taking better care of myself.

Now, I have pain at both ends today, as my wisdom tooth is giving me grief. My mouth feels so swollen and I'm afraid I'll have to go see the dentist to discuss extraction. Grrrr.

I'm falling apart. Put me down now.

Odd

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Another update...

Today, I was back at work, much to my disappointment. However, my manager seemed to ease up on me and didn't pile the work on like she has been. Perhaps she felt bad because I sounded a bit crap. This helped. I was a bit croaky today and a bit snotty, so was pleased to be plugging the not-sud@fed drug into my system.

Anyway, I got the all-important phone call this morning from the HR person from the job I had an interview for yesterday. I have been shortlisted for a second interview on Monday afternoon after work. Yay for me!! Unfortunately, my colleague hasn't heard back from them. Because of my experience, I'm almost an obvious choice to shortlist and I dare say, others will be considered based on other merits. Hopefully she will get the call.

The other thing which has me feeling conflicting emotions. Mum called the real estate agent today. Turns out that the agent didn't put his card in her mailbox without reason - a local person has expressed interest in mum's house. So, the agent has made an appointment to go around to see her house next Friday - once mum can clean it up!! He's going to offer a valuation on it. Very interesting.

Mum has had more grief with nasty, shitful neighbour. Last night, his god-awful dog climbed the fence and attacked one of mum's dogs, because this morning she realised that Molly had bite marks on her neck. Mum is mega pissed and has again reported her neighbour to the council pound officer, who has since threatened the owner with a lot more than empty threats. So, I guess things are getting rather serious for mum and she's making a real effort to get out - not empty threats.

I have memories as a child of mum threatening to move us out of town. First, she wanted to move us to Armidale, then it was Bathurst, then it was Armidale again and now, it's almost real and neither of those towns. And no, I'm not going to mention names of where she is thinking, but it's not Melbourne - but closer.

So, it's become one of those weeks! I feel like I need a semi-break. All through this, we're trying to finalise the plans for our kitchen and work out where the money will come from for the flooring etc. Thank god it's Friday tomorrow and thank god on Monday, my manager won't be around at work. So, some peace. It sounds dreadful, but our work ethics/styles are so different.

Also, does anyone have any good references for cat boarding in Melbourne? Come on you lurkers! De-lurk and help me out here! Reciprocate! I offer spectacular blog entries which are both captivating and stimulating; the least you could do is offer a little advice in return? *laugh* I'm off my head. Maybe it's the sinus drugs...

Today in the news...

I'm going to be brief today, because I have a lot of stuff running around in my head and I'm trying to relax so I can go to bed and not have another night of no sleep because I couldn't shut my mind off.

• I had an interview today. It appeared to go fine. However, it turns out my former boss is also going for the manager position that this role reports to. Could be interesting. Would love to work with my old boss again. He's expressed interest in working with me again. Who knows.
• I had my doctors appointment today also. It appears I have a sinus infection which is creating the headaches, so have been told to get some sinus type drugs into me and to drink lots of water. I have taken second dose of drugs tonight and honestly, don't feel any better. Doc gave me a certificate for today and tomorrow.
• I will be going to work tomorrow, but if I am not well, will just head home again.
• I spoke to my mother tonight. Seems she has inherited a nasty set of neighbours who throw broken bottles over the fence and other things such as dirty sanitary pads etc. They are apparently drug dealers and frequently have late night parties. Her neighbours, although outwardly say they will stick together and call the police, have yet to deliver. They are spineless. Unfortunately, this is indicative of the town that my mother lives in and she is at the point that she is going to call the real estate agent who left his card in her letterbox today and ask him to sell her property to leave town. We are throwing out ideas on where she can move to, what she can afford in property etc. I'm worried about her.
• It's all kind of happening all at once for me. Am trying to take it all in my stride, but it's hard.
  

Thank god for an angle grinder

Thank god for an angle grinder, originally uploaded by Sams76.

Just an update on the kitchen reno. We're progressing with it, faster than we thought yesterday. We bought several inadequate tools to assist us, but what worked in the end was a very nifty angle grinder to grind the mortar out and then a nifty wide blade jimmy thing - hard to explain what it is. That's what worked. Otherwise, I reckon we'd have only gotten 10 more tiles up in small, crumbled pieces!

Fingers crossed this weekend we can get most of the tiles up and then concentrate on the carpet.

Fucked up...

I think I've been hexxed or something. I've been blessed with a permanent headache for the last week or more. It's become one blurred picture of headache and agony. I went to bed last night at 8.30 with a mersyndol and my wheat pillow, with the electric blanket turned right up! I woke up at midnight and low and behold, the headache was still there! Not happy. I took a claratyne and another mersyndol, heated the wheat pillow and stumbled back to bed. Should I say, Glen heated my wheat pillow, which was very lovely.

Today, I am feeling a little better, but I swear, it feels like my head is teetering on that abyss of headachy-ness. Grrr. Anyway, I've decided to take tomorrow off and go to the doctor and get this sorted once and for all. Very irritating.

And the mess begins...

And the mess begins..., originally uploaded by Sams76.

Yes, Glen and I are trashing the house. I sweat, I think we're suckers for punishment. It feels like we've only just moved in and unpacked and now, it looks like we pretty much have to pack everything up to get the floor boards polished!

We have been talking for ages about pulling up the floors to expse the floor boards, but today we finally did it!!

We started in the kitchen and quickly realised that it would be a slow, slow job. The ceramic tiles were very well put down. However, the upside is that there's no glue on the floor boards, and everything was nailed in. And, as you can see, the floor boards have never really been exposed before, as they haven't been treated. This is fantastic for us, because there's no polish to sand down. The only things that might be an issue, is a very sloppy painter!

Anyway, it's starting. We finalised the kitchen details on Saturday, changed the colours again! We've cleared out the garage to make room for everything.

Quick update....

It's been a shit of a week. Work has been crap, demoralising and generally upsetting. At this point, I don't really want to talk about it, not until I've had more time to ponder it.

Anyway, we took Zeus to the vet yesterday. He's had a cough since he was a kitten - he's almost 7 years old. I was initially told he had a furrball he couldn't cough up, then I was told that it was nothing and why did I want to bother spending money on tablets that, yes stopped his cough, but didn't solve the problem! Yeh right, fucktards.

Turns out my little man has chronic asthma. It can be life threatening and it's uncomfortable. Obviously triggered by all the things that trigger human asthmatics, so now we're faced with asthma puffers and cortizone tablets. It's just a joy.

I've read so many stories of cats who had chronic asthma and died from it. That upsets me. I'm both angry and upset about it. Too tired and annoyed to write any more. Sorry. I have a headache and my back is sore, so I'm a bit grumpy.

The only good news in my life is that Di called me tonight and organised to visit us for her boob reduction! yay! i get to see her new boobies first!! I think I get to see them! Not that I am busting to see them, but I remember them being big, so will be curious.

Anyway, I'm done. I can't wait for this week to be over.

One Million Blogs...

Sometimes a buck forty can be worth it. Yes, I decided to get involved in this and I have purchased one tiny little square - my patch in the grand scheme of the universe.

It's hard to describe where the heck my little square is, but the page is segmented. It's in the fourth segment, third row, six squares in. Anyone who can find it, let me know! Anyway, it's my little piece of history, who knows, I might get some new readers.

Anyway, my weekend has been a bit chaotic, with inlaws and nephews and sister in laws staying with us. However, I have survived and the house is quiet and lovely. I enjoyed catching up with everyone, but the reality is, our house is sooooo tiny, it's hard to get that moment of peace. And for someone like me, who needs her space, it was a bit of a struggle.

Caught up with my friend Ruth on Thursday, which was nice. I went to uni with Ruth and we reminisced about the good old days when life was simpler and uni was the 'be all end all'. I remember Ruth realising at about midday that she was meant to sit her final exams at 9am that day! I remember friends climbing through my bedroom window wanting to talk about their latest dating disaster, or staying up all night to write a last minute essay, but spending about 4 of those hours, bumming around the house, laughing with Ruth and gumbying on mushes.

Sometimes I miss those times, but it's one of those times or places that you just can't relive or recreate. I have to say that it's always nice to remember where I came from and what life was like. It puts perspective on your life.

Right now, my life is a bit mixed. My personal life is great, but my working life isn't going so well and although that stresses me, I have to keep the perspective on things. We've been clashing with our manager, so things haven't been pleasant. However, we're not in danger of being booted, so I've just decided that work is work and I don't care too much about it. I've decided to just do my job, do what I am asked and not volunteer much more than that, as it seems my input is not wanted. This is despite the fact that I have so much valuable experience to offer. I guess that's the frustrating part of it. I feel indignant. BUt the job is a means to an end and soon, I'll look at moving on to something more satisfying, unless I can score this comms role that is up YET again. Stay tuned on that front.

In other news, we have made our deposit on the kitchen and will heopfully get some 3d drawings this week. Unfortunately, this project has escalated to include pulling up the tiles in the kitchen, pulling up the carpet in the house and sanding/polishing the floorboards underneath. *sigh* To prepare for this, we have to fix the leaking roof in the garage so that we can chuck ALL of our stuff from the house into boxes AGAIN and turf them into the garage! Yeh, I know. We have to also hire a trailer (tomorrow) to get rid of the shit that the stupid tenants left in the garage to make way for the boxes from the house! le'sigh. It has turned into a huge debacle, but if it goes well, will look fantastic.

Alright. I'm tired and I need to cleanse the chocolate eggs from my body. I could do it Aari's way (my nephew) and poo it out, but I doubt that'll do the trick. I don't think I'm going to be losing any weight. Having said that, I'm going to work out at the gym this week so I'll undo my bad behaviour!

Night all.

Sign my name across my butt...

Today was a pretty shit day. My colleague took a 'personal day', which I encouraged her to. However, that meant that I was left with the rest of the work, which my boss decided I must complete in the same amount of time. Anyway, throughout the course of the day, she increasingly became more and more irritating until it basically boiled up this afternoon in a little email confrontation. I basically told her I was leaving on time and that I was training next week, she told me if need be, the training would wait. I told her that it would render my training experience useless if I was forced out of training for any period of time and she chucked a mental at me. The fact is, this training is apparently very intense and the L&D Manager has specifically said not to leave early or be late because we'd fall behind fast. Anyway, my manager was abit irritated by that, but in the end, I won.

So, I tra-la-la'd off from work and drove to the gym, filled out some forms and was escorted around the gym by a little dude by the name of Janan who, although looked like he used the gym, didn't look like he knew what he was talking about!! Anyway, the gym was huge. It's a big franchise place, lots of gyms across the country etc. I mean, this place had like 20 treadmills, and just as many bikes etc! It was huge. So, when I turned to him and asked him how big the other gyms were (this wasn't the one I would be using regularly), he said the one I would using a lot was TWICE the size!! *laugh* I'm so chuffed, as that was part the reason it was so easy for me to leave the last gyms I was signed up with.

Anyway, we sat down and he explained the fees. Initially on the phone, he had explained to me that because it was a gym located in suburbia, they charged $6 less a fortnight than the other gyms in the franchise, but I could use those gyms without being penalised. In person, he went on to explain that he could waive the joining fee and that they had a special where they were offering something like another $6 off that price, so I was pretty stoked and agreed to sign up. Then he asked me if I knew anyone who wanted to sign up, I could get another $5 off my fees and I happened to mention my friends from work who said they were going to sign up next week. He looked a little shocked and impressed and laughed, saying I scored a deal. I basically got $15 off a fortnight!!

Now I just have to drag my arse to the gym. I must!

Sam foolery

Sam foolery, originally uploaded by Sams76.

I was feeling a bit spastic tonight (hope no one is particularly offended by the use of that word?), so thought I would post a picture of my latest haircut. It's nothing overly special, but the colour always makes feel so much better about having my hair a bit half arsed like it is. Incidently, I'm wearing my PJs, so I do have clothes on! No smut thanks!!

Anyway, another diary entry to follow...

New update...

I've updated my weight loss blog - link to the right.

There's some news in there that I won't impart here, forcing you to read it! Ha!

Anyway, go read.

Justice...

I seem to spend a lot of time reading or hearing about charges and court cases involving sexual assault, rape or some other act of indecency in Australia. Even the volunteers at the Commonwealth Games weren't safe. So, when I read this article today, I guess I was a bit numb to it, until I read one thing - the girl was beligerant to the very end, she was strong and didn't let these bastards ruin her life completely. She didn't let them win. This is such a fantastic message to send any girl who has been victim of any kind of assault and I know that some people can't react like that and that's completely understandable. It's just kinda encouraging to see someone who was a victim of a crime which makes you feel so vulnerable, become someone so powerful. She completely took the power away from these boys (Yes, they were boys) and now they are paying; they are rotting in jail and hopefully it's the worst experience anyone can suffer in their lifetime.

That's how strongly I feel about this sort of crime.

Update

Visited the doctor last night and told her about my woes. She didn't need any convincing and told me to book a double appointment to get the implant out next Thursday. She's convinced me to take this new pill called Yasmin. No idea whether it'll work out, but the doctor told me that I should persevere for a few months. Anything's gotta be better than this crap.

Presently, I'm still suffering headaches. They come and go, but it feels like they are always in the background. Thankfully I've been able to get enough proper sleep to feel rested the last few days, but during the day, I feel worn out. Especially today, so I took off an hour early and came home to rest. I felt good earlier, but now it's back with a vengeance. Can't win right now. The joys of being a female. You guys have it easy in comparison, though I am certain there are things you deal with that we females managed to avoid.

In other news today, a little quirky story for those of you who enjoy hearing about Clio's antics. Besides the fact that Glen has hooked up a video camera to the back yard and often checks up on Clio bouncing around the back yard, we developed this routine to get her to follow basic commands at training. Our trainers told us to incorporate sits, drops, stands and free commands into her routine for receiving her dinner. It's worked well in getting her to understand standing, as she was struggling. So, we usually tell her sit, stand, free, eat. It's become such a routine that she's knows it by heart. So, we've been changing it to things like sit, drop, stand, sit, free, eat. Today, I placed her food down on the ground and as I looked at her, she sat, stood, sat, dropped, stood and was so close to her food, she could lick it - but she didn't eat it until I gave the eat command. It was classic. Clio was going through the motions, watching me for approval, but didn't need me to verbally give the commands! I wished I could videotape it!! I'll try next time.

Depression is...

A website filled with no good news.

Stuff it. I was hoping that in the 3-4 years that I wasn't an active participant in searching for a new contraceptive, that perhaps mankind, or should I say, Unkindman might have found a new and exciting form of contraception for people like who suffer migraines and heavy periods. Grrr.

I'm starting to lose hope. Although I wish to avoid headaches and irregular periods, I wish to avoid pregnancy even more at this stage - if we were going to have children, it's not now.

Grrrr.

Thanks for your advice guys. Spermicides aren't getting a rave review, in fact one site said that out of 100 women in a year, 40 would get pregnant - I don't like messing with odds, because I'll always lose. And an IUD is just a bit weird for me. I'm not sure I could deal with it.

Sorry, this is consuming me a bit. It's frustrating for me too. The combined pills give me headaches because of the oestregen. The mini pill gives me headaches. The implanon gives me irregular periods and now, headaches. I'm basically destined not to ever have sex again!!!

Friends...

I've been trying not to think about this situation since it took place. Well, it was only in retrospect that I realised something was wrong - that, coupled with the fact that my friend hasn't responded to my email, that I realise something probably isn't right.

It's not a very complicated story. My friend asked if she could visit me the weekend just after I had sent mum home. I said yes, because I hadn't seen her in forever and we never seem to get our shit together to pull off a meeting. Something always comes up, one of us has an excuse (valid, I'm sure) as to why we must cancel. The night before she was due to visit, Glen and I went to the cinema, as I recall I wrote a diary entry about seeing Brokeback Mountain. I turned my phone to silent during the movie and didn't remember to turn it back to normal ringing etc. I guess a combination of a late night and a sleep-in the next morning made me forget what was meant to happen that day - my friend was visiting. Anyway, during the course of the day, I realised I hadn't heard from her and assumed that she probably wasn't coming - this isn't entirely unusual for her. Sometime in the afternoon, I checked my mobile phone and realised I had a missed call - it was from my friend earlier in the day asking about a time to come over. I was later told by Glen that my mobile had rung whilst I was sleeping. By the time I received the sms, it was too late, so I smsed her back and apologised for the screw up and asked whether we could try another time.

I have not heard a word from her.

Firstly, I admit that I should probably have called her. I'm not renowned for being very good on the phone. Having said that, the day wasn't my best and I wasn't doing great. I woke with a headache and was feeling a bit blah. I'm pretty sure I was either suffering from a period, or getting close to it. It's a blur for me since my period seems to have been with me a lot, more than it hasn't.

Secondly, I'm feeling a bit irritated that it appears I am being punished for one fuck up, whilst I have forgiven my friend a whole heap of her own fuck ups. It's not that I am bringing these up to rub them in, or to say that my friend has a bad track record. I know for certain that her heart has always been in the right place and although, at times I have been frustrated by her actions, I've never stopped wanting to be her friend. So, I'm a bit pissed off that I'm being ignored? It's not that it isn't deserved (I screwed up), but a little slack could be given.

I have lots of personal stuff to deal with that many people don't know about, and it's not that it's dramatic or overly drastic, but I am dealing with stuff. Part of that is the result of my mother's visit, and the rest is for me to know. The fact is, I don't think what I did was that bad that I deserve to be ignored. Having said that, my friend also has a track record of not staying in touch, her emails are sporadic and our communication is generally hotch-potch. You know though, this is fine! I don't mind. I know she has a life, I have a life too, so maybe she's just being slack?

It's hard to speculate, and maybe I'm over-reacting, but I've heard nothing and I feel bad that for a change, I fucked up. I hate fucking up. I'm my own worst critic and I'm so hard on myself. It just shits me.

So, what's wrong with me? Who knows. My conscience is starting to worry me over it? Am I annoyed that she hasn't contacted me? Why haven't I contacted her then? Could I have done something more? Who knows.

It's a friendship that I don't rely on a lot and that's the truth. We're friends, but we aren't there for each other all the time, we don't call the other for help if we get stuck - we seem to rely on others for that first-hand help. But I will miss it if it goes away.

Crappy. Period.

I know some of you are logging on to see whether there's an update and I guess you're slightly disappointed - if I sound up myself, deal with it, I know how it is when you click on someone's blog, wondering if there's a new entry to fill in the five minutes of boredom. :)

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit crap right now. Struck down with headaches and general lethargy. It's a female thing, so any of you guys who read, consider yourself warned - following is female content.

You see, I've got my period again. Well, sorta. And this is irritating and frustrating for me, because I had it for about 10 straight days whilst mum was here - no correlation, though there should have been!! Anyway, I'm cursed right now, because my monthlies has turned into fortnightlies and it's to do with my implant.

This basically means lots of headaches I can't get rid of, fluid retention and deathly cramps, plus the huge mood swings which I don't see coming, nor going. Poor Glen has really been putting up with my shit for possibly the best part of 6 months, or more. I can't remember when this shit started. In short, the symptoms I am suffering now, were the reason 4 years ago why I decided to get the implant. Now, I'm wondering why the hell I'm sitting here with a matchstick-like object in my arm which is preventing me from having sex, let alone feel comfortable going out.

Yes people, I am not having sex and although I feel like my period isn't the full reason for this drought, it's certainly not helping. Any of the females reading this have had any or all of these symptoms, or an ultra long period, you'll understand the pain I'm feeling.

Anyway, I haven't come here to discuss the inner workings of my female plumbing, I just came to say sorry for the silence, but I just don't feel like talking. My plans this week will be simple - get to the doctor, convince them to rip this thing out of my arm, suffer a lot of pain for it and hope beyond any dream, that there's a new alternative on the market that wasn't available to me when I first got this wonder-drug. I plan to also get a haircut to make me feel a little better on the outside and try to reclaim the sleep that has been robbed from me.

It's a curse to be a woman sometimes. Never let anyone make you think that it's all fluffy and great. But then, I am sure that you came to that realisation ages ago.

Now, what the hell do I do when the oral pill gives me mood swings etc, and progesterine gives me god-almighty headaches? And now, the implant has the same effect?