Normal.
It's unanimous. I'm just a fat lazy slob! Hrm. I can't say that I am that surprised, but I'm a little disappointed that it really is just me being a fat, lazy, unmotivated slob. Now, I'm the only one responsible for what I have and do become. So, I just have to focus on being better to myself.
Anyway, I'm not going to focus too much on it. There's no point.
In other news. I've just come back from watching Frasier at my market research session. Odd, right? It was a brain waves register thingy. They hooked us up with a head cap thing and had a flashy white light thing happening in my peripheral vision. They made it seem really minor, but I tell ya, after 25 minutes of that junk, my eyes and head were so tired! Plus, in the middle of the episode, they showed us a series of ads by different advertisers. I swear, it was seriously boring and dull after 4 showings of the same garbage! Urgh!
Now, I eat dinner and relax.
Wednesday 26 October 2005
Monday 24 October 2005
I'm a closet heroin junkie...
They are words I can never say, not even in jest, or seriously for that matter. Honestly, if I wanted to become addicted to a hard core drug, I wouldn't be able to take shooting-up as a permanent practice. It just wouldn't be feasible.
This morning was a dilemma and a half. I awoke to discover my dear Glen had a headache and was suffering. So spent my precious time making sure he was comfortable for his day or sleep and relaxation at home. I didn't have time to drink any water this morning (not that I realised it was important - I found out later, it would be) and I managed to scrape up some apples to bring with me after getting my blood taken. I arrived at the vampires - my acronym for pathology and waited patiently. I felt quite chuffed as there was only one person in front of me and the vampire was going through them like a pack of salts. So, I figured I would be at work within 10 minutes of my start time. Yay!
So, I get there and all is well. The nice lady and I make conversation and then, the trouble begins. She can't find a vein. She pats, bashes and tries to coherse one of those suckers out, but none want to come and play. She asks me that fatal question that I didn't realise there was a 'right' answer for - Did you drink any water this morning? I explain to her why my morning was fucked up and she rushes to the sink and gets me a glass of water. I get an Anatomy 101 lesson for free - it's best to be nicely hydrated for blood taking activities. Der Sam. But in all fairness, it was an unusual morning and if I'd had time to sit and have my morning wake up ritual, I would have loaded up my laptop, turned on the morning breakfast show on the radio and probably had some water. Oh well.
So, she pokes me in the arm and nothing comes out. She checks the other arm, but with no joy. She resorts to the hands - my worst fears! But nothing! Yay veins! you have not sold me out! She turns on the taps in the sink and instructs me to dip my hands in the warm water, for it will entice the little blue guys to come out and play. I wait, I stand over the sink and I get tired of it. Meanwhile, she's left the room and I'm standing there, in what I can only imagine to be the most unflattering position - it felt like my arse was up in the air, my legs were extended as far as they would stretch and my hands were supporting my HUNGRY body! Excellent.
So, ten minutes pass and any notion of getting to work close to on time are dashed. She comes in and we sit back down in the horrible "comfortable" chair - yeh right. She pokes at my hands and whammo! A vein has sold me out! It stung like a fucken rabid mosquito who'd found his first meal after a year exiled in the wilderness! I swear. My hand is bruised and sore now and I'm unimpressed. However, 45 minutes later (yes, I shit you not), I have less blood and probably a huge bill coming my way. But the blood is off being analysed, poked and prodded and maybe by Wednesday, I'll have an answer. To be honest, it would almost be better to have something show up, than nothing. Then it would mean I was just fat. Which means I need more motivation to lose the weight. Hrm.
Thanks for the kind thoughts, but there's nothing for me to be worried about. But considering I've only been truly sick once in my life, this is a little bit of a drama for me. I just dont get sick.
In other news, I will be AWOL this weekend - not that you'd miss me, I never update. But we're visiting the inlaws. It's the appeasement, or the prelude for them - we aren't coming home for Christmas. I want to spend Christmas in my own home, doing my own version of Christmas. It shites me that there's almost an unwritten expectation by many, that just because we're not parents and because we dont have children, we are free agents and can float between others' homes for Christmas. As Nanny Jo would say, It's Unaccccceptable :) However, the inlaws don't realise this yet, but Glen's under instructions to let them know before we arrive on Saturday. Otherwise, it's going to be all kinds of awkward shit that day.
The reason we're not spending Christmas anywhere is because I hope we would have made a deposit on the house, so we'll be poor and hopefully in packing mode! Yay :) How odd, right?
Ok, time for some time out. Ha! I just made myself a huge batch of miso soup with chicken and stacks of chicken! yum yum! I love healthy tasty lunches.
***** EDIT***** What sort of moron am I - chicken and stacks of chicken? Hrm. How about we say, chicken and stacks of vegetable! Fucken tard.
This morning was a dilemma and a half. I awoke to discover my dear Glen had a headache and was suffering. So spent my precious time making sure he was comfortable for his day or sleep and relaxation at home. I didn't have time to drink any water this morning (not that I realised it was important - I found out later, it would be) and I managed to scrape up some apples to bring with me after getting my blood taken. I arrived at the vampires - my acronym for pathology and waited patiently. I felt quite chuffed as there was only one person in front of me and the vampire was going through them like a pack of salts. So, I figured I would be at work within 10 minutes of my start time. Yay!
So, I get there and all is well. The nice lady and I make conversation and then, the trouble begins. She can't find a vein. She pats, bashes and tries to coherse one of those suckers out, but none want to come and play. She asks me that fatal question that I didn't realise there was a 'right' answer for - Did you drink any water this morning? I explain to her why my morning was fucked up and she rushes to the sink and gets me a glass of water. I get an Anatomy 101 lesson for free - it's best to be nicely hydrated for blood taking activities. Der Sam. But in all fairness, it was an unusual morning and if I'd had time to sit and have my morning wake up ritual, I would have loaded up my laptop, turned on the morning breakfast show on the radio and probably had some water. Oh well.
So, she pokes me in the arm and nothing comes out. She checks the other arm, but with no joy. She resorts to the hands - my worst fears! But nothing! Yay veins! you have not sold me out! She turns on the taps in the sink and instructs me to dip my hands in the warm water, for it will entice the little blue guys to come out and play. I wait, I stand over the sink and I get tired of it. Meanwhile, she's left the room and I'm standing there, in what I can only imagine to be the most unflattering position - it felt like my arse was up in the air, my legs were extended as far as they would stretch and my hands were supporting my HUNGRY body! Excellent.
So, ten minutes pass and any notion of getting to work close to on time are dashed. She comes in and we sit back down in the horrible "comfortable" chair - yeh right. She pokes at my hands and whammo! A vein has sold me out! It stung like a fucken rabid mosquito who'd found his first meal after a year exiled in the wilderness! I swear. My hand is bruised and sore now and I'm unimpressed. However, 45 minutes later (yes, I shit you not), I have less blood and probably a huge bill coming my way. But the blood is off being analysed, poked and prodded and maybe by Wednesday, I'll have an answer. To be honest, it would almost be better to have something show up, than nothing. Then it would mean I was just fat. Which means I need more motivation to lose the weight. Hrm.
Thanks for the kind thoughts, but there's nothing for me to be worried about. But considering I've only been truly sick once in my life, this is a little bit of a drama for me. I just dont get sick.
In other news, I will be AWOL this weekend - not that you'd miss me, I never update. But we're visiting the inlaws. It's the appeasement, or the prelude for them - we aren't coming home for Christmas. I want to spend Christmas in my own home, doing my own version of Christmas. It shites me that there's almost an unwritten expectation by many, that just because we're not parents and because we dont have children, we are free agents and can float between others' homes for Christmas. As Nanny Jo would say, It's Unaccccceptable :) However, the inlaws don't realise this yet, but Glen's under instructions to let them know before we arrive on Saturday. Otherwise, it's going to be all kinds of awkward shit that day.
The reason we're not spending Christmas anywhere is because I hope we would have made a deposit on the house, so we'll be poor and hopefully in packing mode! Yay :) How odd, right?
Ok, time for some time out. Ha! I just made myself a huge batch of miso soup with chicken and stacks of chicken! yum yum! I love healthy tasty lunches.
***** EDIT***** What sort of moron am I - chicken and stacks of chicken? Hrm. How about we say, chicken and stacks of vegetable! Fucken tard.
Sunday 23 October 2005
Things just aren't the same...
I wish I had the words today, but I don't. Actually, I haven't had the words for a while now. Maybe my real job has worn me out of words. No, seriously I've been writing, editing, proofing, cutting and generally screaming out in pain at the amount of words I've had to read and conjure up. We're busy at work, we're in the midst of a busy period and without saying a lot, it's going to be a tiring period for us until mid December. There will be small breaks in between which I will be gratefully looking forward to, but in the meantime, there may be times where I am quiet. Forgive me, but when you are creative all day with words, sometimes words fail you when you want to write something personal.
My weekend has been productive, busy and most importantly, FUNDS-sucking! We went out to Dandenong yesterday to the Diana Ferr@ri store, because I had a blow out with my black work shoes last week. I couldn't find a pair of shoes to save my fat ass. I swear. There were navy pairs and there were red pairs, but there wasn't a pair of black shoes that I loved! So, I walked out dejected and irritated.
Thereafter, it was a blur. We buy our dog mince in bulk. We get it from a place in Tullamarine and it was a drive and a half for us! 160kg of meat later (60kg was ours!) and we were home. However, we had to divide the meat up into meal servings for Clio to consume later. Fortunately, we did it outside in the courtyard, with the dogs salivating, hoping for a tiny morsel. I say fortunately, because nothing can be done outside in Melbourne without the friggin' skies opening up and dropping a nice deluge of heavy rain on our heads. Of course, when we were done, the rain was also done. Oh well.
So, even though last night we were meant to go see Serenity at the cinema, we sat on our buts and watched tv, vegetated and went to bed.
This morning, I woke up with a headache. I wake up with a lot of headaches. In fact, I seem to develop headaches when I stop moving during the day. LIke today when I sat down on the lounge to watch a bit of mindless tv - a headache started developing and it's persisitng even now.
Anyway, this morning we went to dog training. We have been struggling with this dog training group for a while. We have suffered the joys of living through about 4 different dog trainers who didnt have a clue what we had done the previous week, spent their time reliving the week before wiuthout moving on and most importantly, we hugely inconsistent. One lot said that to pass, we had to get Clio to sit, drop and recall. I took this at face value and followed blindly. I didnt check the booklet (not that it helped, I have since checked). Then another trainer took over and suddenly to graduate, we had to sit, recall and stand. Yeh friggin' great, considering my dog didn't know stand from her ass!! So, we were madly trying to get her to do the stand. She suddenly started to understand stand the later half of this week and today, we used treats to bribe her. The trainer was happy enough with that. So, all that was left to do was the sit and recall. She made an example of me and asked me to show the class the recall. Argh! Anyone who knows me, knows I hate being the centre of attention. Suddenly, I had about 12-15 pairs of eyes on me - and no, this didn't count dogs' eyes! I was petrified. I hated it. But Clio was such a bloody legend and she responded to me calling her name EVERY time I asked her to come! So, we passed!!!!
Next week, we get an extra hour sleep in and start training at 11am! You've no idea how good this is for a person who LOVES to sleep in on a Sunday!! I hate waking up at 8am on a Sunday. It sucks!! So, I get an extra hour and then it gets taken away from me because Daylight Savings is coming soon!!
Before I go to have a shower (because dog slobbered on me), I wanted to say --- 17 days left! What does it mean? It means, that's how many days is left before I finish my probation at work and get to apply for a home loan with Glen! This means we'll be out on the real estate circuit, being dismayed and frustrated! But we'll be out there, not jsut treading water. So excited :)
Last thing. I know I said the last thing was the last thing, but this is the last thing.
Tomorow I go in for a bloody test. This will be checking for both types of diabetes, cholesterol and thyroid problems. Part of me hopes that I've got a thyroid problem, because I can't seem to shed any weight and it's frustrating. None of me wants to have diabetes. Fingers crossed. I should get my test results on Tuesday. Stay tuned.
Have a great week folks. I'll be around and will try to post some pictures on flicker that I took last week.
Hint for the week: Christmas isn't far away! Start your christmas shopping! You'll thank me mid December when you sit smugly listening to your work colleagues whinge and moan about having to brave the christmas crowds to purchase presents!! Atleast make a start, it'll be so much easier on the bank balance!!
My weekend has been productive, busy and most importantly, FUNDS-sucking! We went out to Dandenong yesterday to the Diana Ferr@ri store, because I had a blow out with my black work shoes last week. I couldn't find a pair of shoes to save my fat ass. I swear. There were navy pairs and there were red pairs, but there wasn't a pair of black shoes that I loved! So, I walked out dejected and irritated.
Thereafter, it was a blur. We buy our dog mince in bulk. We get it from a place in Tullamarine and it was a drive and a half for us! 160kg of meat later (60kg was ours!) and we were home. However, we had to divide the meat up into meal servings for Clio to consume later. Fortunately, we did it outside in the courtyard, with the dogs salivating, hoping for a tiny morsel. I say fortunately, because nothing can be done outside in Melbourne without the friggin' skies opening up and dropping a nice deluge of heavy rain on our heads. Of course, when we were done, the rain was also done. Oh well.
So, even though last night we were meant to go see Serenity at the cinema, we sat on our buts and watched tv, vegetated and went to bed.
This morning, I woke up with a headache. I wake up with a lot of headaches. In fact, I seem to develop headaches when I stop moving during the day. LIke today when I sat down on the lounge to watch a bit of mindless tv - a headache started developing and it's persisitng even now.
Anyway, this morning we went to dog training. We have been struggling with this dog training group for a while. We have suffered the joys of living through about 4 different dog trainers who didnt have a clue what we had done the previous week, spent their time reliving the week before wiuthout moving on and most importantly, we hugely inconsistent. One lot said that to pass, we had to get Clio to sit, drop and recall. I took this at face value and followed blindly. I didnt check the booklet (not that it helped, I have since checked). Then another trainer took over and suddenly to graduate, we had to sit, recall and stand. Yeh friggin' great, considering my dog didn't know stand from her ass!! So, we were madly trying to get her to do the stand. She suddenly started to understand stand the later half of this week and today, we used treats to bribe her. The trainer was happy enough with that. So, all that was left to do was the sit and recall. She made an example of me and asked me to show the class the recall. Argh! Anyone who knows me, knows I hate being the centre of attention. Suddenly, I had about 12-15 pairs of eyes on me - and no, this didn't count dogs' eyes! I was petrified. I hated it. But Clio was such a bloody legend and she responded to me calling her name EVERY time I asked her to come! So, we passed!!!!
Next week, we get an extra hour sleep in and start training at 11am! You've no idea how good this is for a person who LOVES to sleep in on a Sunday!! I hate waking up at 8am on a Sunday. It sucks!! So, I get an extra hour and then it gets taken away from me because Daylight Savings is coming soon!!
Before I go to have a shower (because dog slobbered on me), I wanted to say --- 17 days left! What does it mean? It means, that's how many days is left before I finish my probation at work and get to apply for a home loan with Glen! This means we'll be out on the real estate circuit, being dismayed and frustrated! But we'll be out there, not jsut treading water. So excited :)
Last thing. I know I said the last thing was the last thing, but this is the last thing.
Tomorow I go in for a bloody test. This will be checking for both types of diabetes, cholesterol and thyroid problems. Part of me hopes that I've got a thyroid problem, because I can't seem to shed any weight and it's frustrating. None of me wants to have diabetes. Fingers crossed. I should get my test results on Tuesday. Stay tuned.
Have a great week folks. I'll be around and will try to post some pictures on flicker that I took last week.
Hint for the week: Christmas isn't far away! Start your christmas shopping! You'll thank me mid December when you sit smugly listening to your work colleagues whinge and moan about having to brave the christmas crowds to purchase presents!! Atleast make a start, it'll be so much easier on the bank balance!!
Tuesday 18 October 2005
Jeaniarse?
| English Genius You scored 85% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 80% Expert! |
| You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go! Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it! |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test |
When did I lose my sight...
I feel like an absolute shit of a human today. This is all despite the fact that I contributed to the sum total assumption of many that my manager is a moron. I assure you, my manager is not a moron, but because of my lack of foresight and perhaps, experience, I made her look foolish and incompetent. I have been grovelling all afternoon and bashing my head against a thick and hard surface.
no, that's not why I feel like an absolute shit of a human being. You see, my normal routine when I get home is to open up the gates, let Clio into the back of the car (easier to put her there than to run her over!!) and drive the car in. I usually make a deviation to the mail box and to get the bin. Today, it was bin day and as I was bringing Clio to the car, I saw a child of about 11 years old; a boy, riding his bike around the court. My first instinct was to hold onto Clio as I knew she would want to go play with him and would have probably inadvertantly knocked him from his bike! Anyway, I shoved her into the car and went to get the mail. The child called out to me and asked if I wanted assistance getting my bins in. My first reaction was to say no, but as I was saying it, I tried to dilute the ungratefulness of it all and suggested that he was a nice boy, but to please continue riding, because that seemed like more fun.
Now, I feel like a shit because I knew he wanted to help, he's new to the neighbourhood and I know he's a country boy. i also know that the lure of said black labrador puppy dog is very hard to refuse. So, i knew all of this and I was such a short, curt city-dwelling freak, I put a stop to anything he suggested and probably ruined his day.
And for that, I am a shit.
When did I become so unapproachable, defensive and secretive? These are all traits that, as a child, I knew to be held by city-dwellers. Not by a former country town dwelling child, as I am, was. So, when did I stop being friendly and when did I start being a miserable old cow? i swear. If I wasn't employed, young and with a boyfriend, I could be known as that miserable old woman at the end of the court!!
I hope this makes sense and it probably doesnt help that my day was already shit when I got home and being approached by a harmless and very helpful 11 year old, just totally took me by surprise. Perhaps it took me by surprise because since being here, he's the first neighbour around me, in any of the locations I have lived, who has actually shown interest in being friendly, in helping and being generally nice. I now feel compelled in offering a peace offering of some sort, but how do you approach a child now? I cant rock up to their front door and just say, "HEY! I'm that miserable cow from accross the road who rebuffed you!! Wanna play?" Naw.
Shit on me and my crappy new approach to humanity.
no, that's not why I feel like an absolute shit of a human being. You see, my normal routine when I get home is to open up the gates, let Clio into the back of the car (easier to put her there than to run her over!!) and drive the car in. I usually make a deviation to the mail box and to get the bin. Today, it was bin day and as I was bringing Clio to the car, I saw a child of about 11 years old; a boy, riding his bike around the court. My first instinct was to hold onto Clio as I knew she would want to go play with him and would have probably inadvertantly knocked him from his bike! Anyway, I shoved her into the car and went to get the mail. The child called out to me and asked if I wanted assistance getting my bins in. My first reaction was to say no, but as I was saying it, I tried to dilute the ungratefulness of it all and suggested that he was a nice boy, but to please continue riding, because that seemed like more fun.
Now, I feel like a shit because I knew he wanted to help, he's new to the neighbourhood and I know he's a country boy. i also know that the lure of said black labrador puppy dog is very hard to refuse. So, i knew all of this and I was such a short, curt city-dwelling freak, I put a stop to anything he suggested and probably ruined his day.
And for that, I am a shit.
When did I become so unapproachable, defensive and secretive? These are all traits that, as a child, I knew to be held by city-dwellers. Not by a former country town dwelling child, as I am, was. So, when did I stop being friendly and when did I start being a miserable old cow? i swear. If I wasn't employed, young and with a boyfriend, I could be known as that miserable old woman at the end of the court!!
I hope this makes sense and it probably doesnt help that my day was already shit when I got home and being approached by a harmless and very helpful 11 year old, just totally took me by surprise. Perhaps it took me by surprise because since being here, he's the first neighbour around me, in any of the locations I have lived, who has actually shown interest in being friendly, in helping and being generally nice. I now feel compelled in offering a peace offering of some sort, but how do you approach a child now? I cant rock up to their front door and just say, "HEY! I'm that miserable cow from accross the road who rebuffed you!! Wanna play?" Naw.
Shit on me and my crappy new approach to humanity.
My political preferences
For a long time, I thought I was a Labor Party girl. More recently, I've decided that I am just my own person, who basically doesnt agree with any party line I am lumped with. So, I took a test online and came up with these results.
Sunday 16 October 2005
A promise is a promise...
A few days ago, I promise Margie I would do this!! Sorry, it's taken so long, just haven't felt like pouring out my heart and soul to the great unknown - no offence guys, it's just how I am feeling now, and not that I am feeling bad, I'm feeling good. :)
7 things to do before I die
7) Buy a house
6) Travel to Europe
5) See the Book of Kells
4) Italy, visit Positano for Margaret :(
3) See Sonnet and Laura again!
2) Grow my hair
1) Live happily ever after with my HUSBAND, Glen ;)
7 things I cannot do
7) Roll my R's
6) See without my glasses
5) Rollerblade
4) See those hidden 3D images
3) Show emotion to people I don't know well
2) Sing or speak in public
1) Resist chocolate!!
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
7) Smile
6) Eyes
5) Sense of Humour
4) Someone who takes note of what I like, and what I've said
3) Romantic
2) Intelligent, but not genius
1) Caring
7 things I say most often (this is hard!)
7) Fuck it!
6) Shiiit!
5) Whatever!
4) Fiiine!
3) Gleeeennn!
2) Crap!
1) Hey you
7 things that annoy me
7) Rude people
6) Not showing or acknowledging you've heard when I've said something to you!
5) Poking your nose into my business when you are licensed!
4) Sit on my arse when I am riding my scooter or driving my car
3) People who judge without knowing someone
2) People who sing off key!
1) People who sing to themselves in the middle of the supermarket!!
7 things that make me happy
7) Chocolate
6) Sleeping
5) Lazy warm (not hot) afternoons
4) Hanging out with my Glen
3) Wrastling with my black puppy!
2) Listening to good shit 80s music!!
1) Being free to be myself
7 Celebrity crushes
7) John Cusack
6) George Clooney
5) Brendan Fraser
4) Darren Hayes from Savage Garden (Yeh, i know, but I was 20!)
3) Colin Friels
2) Patrick Dempsey (sauve doctor from Grey's Anatomy)
1) Matthew Fox
7 People I want to do this
7) Diana
6) Sonnet
5) Margie
4) Fractal Girl
3) Laura
2) Hugh
1) Aurelius
Sunday 9 October 2005
Should I be concerned??
 | You scored as Satanism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism.
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com |
Saturday 8 October 2005
Tuesday 4 October 2005
One Day, Not Today...
Yes, I had a meltdown on Friday and it probably hasn't really finished. I'm still annoyed with the vet and wonder why I keep upsetting people, but I am dealing with it.
I've decided that it's ok to be me, and that people know who I am and while I am conscious of choosing my words carefully, my friends expect me to be honest with them. That's what makes me special - that's what they call, my Value Add - this is my differentiater. I've been told that I shouldn't express my opinion, or be honest with people, whilst others have expressed their appreciation for my honesty. So, it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round. I just have to find those who love me for me. I found Glen, I'll find others.
My weekend wasn't without incident. We hired a trailer from the BP to haul some furniture home from a friend's parents' place. We loaded all the furniture, and halfway through the trip, we were pulled up by an very angry man. I was a bit disturbed - apparently a huge gust of wind caught the glass lid of a cabinet we had on the trailer and had hit the ground in front of this guy's car and caused some superficial damage to the car. Fair enough. It would appear he was basically more upset about having his life flash before his eyes, than the damage to his car. I can understand that. So, we swapped numbers and I guess he'll call. It shook both Glen and I. I gave myself a migraine and Glen got stroppy. It sucked all round, but I think we're fine now. What's done is done.
So, that was my week with glass, I've realised. First Clio got into some old glasses we left in the garage, then her arse careered into the window and now this. Go figure.
I'm faced with a bit of a crisis and I've written about this friend before. We've had problems before. She's difficult to be friends with, so I had it out with her. This is her response. Apparently she isnt aware of what she says and how it affects others. She made no commitment to be more aware in the future, or to be more accountable. So, apparently when she says something hurtful or whatever and sees me get shitty, she doesnt correlate the two.
When I tell her she is guarded, she admits it and shrugs, "Oh well, that's me".
When I tell her that she is sensitive and doesnt listen to me and hears what she wants to hear, she also takes this the wrong way and gets offended and huffy.
Then it becomes about how she is a burden to me, how I apparently seem to be doing her favours, that I'm moody and she doesnt understand why.
I told her she alienates her friends and she has no idea, and says she isnt aware, but makes no commitment to try and be aware of it.
I've tried pretty much everything. I've spent my work day talkign to her, it has taken up my day, I've thought about it a lot, thought about why I react, what it is about me that might upset her - she hasn't delved into her own personality to work out why she might be alienating people or why she says stupid hurtful things. She hasn't tried anything. I feel like I care a lot more about the situation than she does. She's making no effort.
So, I've decided she is way too high maintenance and even though she'll pull the guilt trip on me, and even though I know in her warped screwed up fucked up way, she cares - the friendship is too much for me to maintain and that I can't be honest with her and can't enjoy her company because she is so bloody moody and negative all the time.
So, it's time to take a step back, and let her think it's my fault and that she's done nothing wrong and let her sit in la la land and be her miserable self by herself. It's too much effort, I've tried so hard to adapt and be her friend and today, when I tried to really think long and hard about it and she sat on her arse and didn't analyse or think about why - I reached my limits. It's so one-sided like that and it's usually like that - not just occasionally.
So, now I'm left with one, maybe two less friends. I dont have many friends I connect with, so I guess that's why it's almost convenient, but it's not worth it. So, I feel a bit lonely. I feel a bit alone. I feel like it's me, even though the decision to be here was one made with full knowlege that it wasn't all me.
I'm kinda left wondering who I am. Actually, no - I know who I am, I like who I am and I am comfortable in who I am, so I'm kinda at a loss as to why someone people thought I was any different to what they expected? I've always been me, sure I've changed, but largely I've stayed true to myself. Only with this current friend, have I suppressed my need to get thigns out into the open when they occur and not hold onto them for ages, letting it build up. I repressed the person I was, because of this person, because I felt I had no choice. I'm tired of it and it's affecting who I am.
So world, if you don't like me, don't ask for my friendship. Some people do like me for who I am, they respect me for it and if you don't like me, I'm not peddling my wares to you, so you've only got yourself to blame.
I'm not taking a break from blogging - that's a bit dramatic for me! But I don't really feel much like baring my soul to the world, sharing my life with people who don't like who I am.
I could say sorry for being me, but that would be totally ridiculous.
I've decided that it's ok to be me, and that people know who I am and while I am conscious of choosing my words carefully, my friends expect me to be honest with them. That's what makes me special - that's what they call, my Value Add - this is my differentiater. I've been told that I shouldn't express my opinion, or be honest with people, whilst others have expressed their appreciation for my honesty. So, it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round. I just have to find those who love me for me. I found Glen, I'll find others.
My weekend wasn't without incident. We hired a trailer from the BP to haul some furniture home from a friend's parents' place. We loaded all the furniture, and halfway through the trip, we were pulled up by an very angry man. I was a bit disturbed - apparently a huge gust of wind caught the glass lid of a cabinet we had on the trailer and had hit the ground in front of this guy's car and caused some superficial damage to the car. Fair enough. It would appear he was basically more upset about having his life flash before his eyes, than the damage to his car. I can understand that. So, we swapped numbers and I guess he'll call. It shook both Glen and I. I gave myself a migraine and Glen got stroppy. It sucked all round, but I think we're fine now. What's done is done.
So, that was my week with glass, I've realised. First Clio got into some old glasses we left in the garage, then her arse careered into the window and now this. Go figure.
I'm faced with a bit of a crisis and I've written about this friend before. We've had problems before. She's difficult to be friends with, so I had it out with her. This is her response. Apparently she isnt aware of what she says and how it affects others. She made no commitment to be more aware in the future, or to be more accountable. So, apparently when she says something hurtful or whatever and sees me get shitty, she doesnt correlate the two.
When I tell her she is guarded, she admits it and shrugs, "Oh well, that's me".
When I tell her that she is sensitive and doesnt listen to me and hears what she wants to hear, she also takes this the wrong way and gets offended and huffy.
Then it becomes about how she is a burden to me, how I apparently seem to be doing her favours, that I'm moody and she doesnt understand why.
I told her she alienates her friends and she has no idea, and says she isnt aware, but makes no commitment to try and be aware of it.
I've tried pretty much everything. I've spent my work day talkign to her, it has taken up my day, I've thought about it a lot, thought about why I react, what it is about me that might upset her - she hasn't delved into her own personality to work out why she might be alienating people or why she says stupid hurtful things. She hasn't tried anything. I feel like I care a lot more about the situation than she does. She's making no effort.
So, I've decided she is way too high maintenance and even though she'll pull the guilt trip on me, and even though I know in her warped screwed up fucked up way, she cares - the friendship is too much for me to maintain and that I can't be honest with her and can't enjoy her company because she is so bloody moody and negative all the time.
So, it's time to take a step back, and let her think it's my fault and that she's done nothing wrong and let her sit in la la land and be her miserable self by herself. It's too much effort, I've tried so hard to adapt and be her friend and today, when I tried to really think long and hard about it and she sat on her arse and didn't analyse or think about why - I reached my limits. It's so one-sided like that and it's usually like that - not just occasionally.
So, now I'm left with one, maybe two less friends. I dont have many friends I connect with, so I guess that's why it's almost convenient, but it's not worth it. So, I feel a bit lonely. I feel a bit alone. I feel like it's me, even though the decision to be here was one made with full knowlege that it wasn't all me.
I'm kinda left wondering who I am. Actually, no - I know who I am, I like who I am and I am comfortable in who I am, so I'm kinda at a loss as to why someone people thought I was any different to what they expected? I've always been me, sure I've changed, but largely I've stayed true to myself. Only with this current friend, have I suppressed my need to get thigns out into the open when they occur and not hold onto them for ages, letting it build up. I repressed the person I was, because of this person, because I felt I had no choice. I'm tired of it and it's affecting who I am.
So world, if you don't like me, don't ask for my friendship. Some people do like me for who I am, they respect me for it and if you don't like me, I'm not peddling my wares to you, so you've only got yourself to blame.
I'm not taking a break from blogging - that's a bit dramatic for me! But I don't really feel much like baring my soul to the world, sharing my life with people who don't like who I am.
I could say sorry for being me, but that would be totally ridiculous.
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