I ride on the freeway every morning. And every morning, I ride the freeway with great caution and concern for my wellbeing. This morning, I witnessed a fellow rider, whom I am greatly embarassed to call a 'fellow rider' do something very stupid. There are points on the freeway, like all freeways, where cars and other vehicles must merge into another lane. This morning, I saw a car come up beside the bike, ready to merge into the bike's lane. The cyclist, seeing the car, sped up and I witnessed the car merge into his lane. The cyclist tooted the car with great indignation, the car driver nearly had a heart attack and the bike accelerated to be in front of the car.
My point, you ask?
The cyclist saw the car, the sun was very bright and shiny and the car needed to merge. The cyclist should have decelerated (slightly, it wouldn't have taken much) and the car would have comfortably merged. The car made a fatal mistake of assuming the rider would have given him room. The rider decided to make a point and freak the driver out.
Tell me how that makes anyone feel superior? The bike made a point, but what point and to what potential expense? And the driver was taught what lesson? Not to assume? That bike riders are aggressive and try to assert their rights? Not a great lesson, is it?
Wednesday 30 August 2006
Tuesday 29 August 2006
What do you do?
I have a dilemma and I think I need advice.
I have this colleague who is a trying personality. Let me describe.
She's 62. She's gushy - everything and everyone is woooonderful! She's highly irritating sometimes but gets very offended when it seems like people are ignoring her - if you are quieter than normal, she thinks it's about her. She won't ask for help with work, but she's all over you when it's a personal thing (offer to cook dinner, wash for you, whatever). She's insecure and needy. She's high maintenance. She needs validation. She isn't thorough.
I have this colleague.
Today, she let us down. Let me start from the beginning.
Last week, colleague and I had a meeting with Fred (not his name). In this meeting, Fred asked us to put some information together. He asked for it a certain way, under certain headings but it was important to jsut get the information in there (keep this in mind). Colleague and I agreed, but it was colleague who was ultimately given responsibility for it. I was support and this was fine - I was flat out with a lot of other things.
Anyway, document is due tomorrow and a review was done today, this time with our manager involved. I was not a part of this review due to my busy nature (yes, i am very important!). Apparently my manager and Fred reviewed the document and manager made a point that the information did not follow the client's headings (as previously discussed in the first meeting). But Fred did not tell manager that it was the original intention to do it that way and it had not been done.
So, being that it was at the 11th hour, I was brought in to review these documents and structure them according to the first meeting. My colleague was given other tasks and I was taken off my other VIDs (Very Important Duties). I was given the brief to rewrite 3 of the 6 documents. However, upon reviewing the other 3, I realised they too needed to be placed into the same format. I spent the entire afternoon rewriting, calling people for the missing information and fuming. As I was doing it, I realised that my colleague had basically done a huge dump of information from our library of information, without reviewing it, without tailoring it and without thinking about the discussion from the first session about structuring it to the client's requirements. Yet, she had spent 'all this time' fluffing around with a document - doing god knows what.
My colleague wanted to know why I was stressing out and shitty. I said that the document hadn't been tailored like the first discussion and needed a lot of work. She turned around and said, "Oh! But that's what Fred said to do and that it would be tailored upon review!" The panic in her voice was evident, like she was excusing herself, trying to defend herself when no one was attacking her.
The thing is, Fred did say this, but he and I both expected that yes, she would dump the information in there, but the expectation was that she begin tailoring the information according to the client's requirements, not sit passively by and wait to be told to do it. All I can think is that all she heard in that meeting was "blah blah blah, dump the information in, blah blah blah".
The basics of our work is this - you dump relevant information in, and then you go back and think more about the requirements and you start to tailor the information. You don't dump the information in and hope to hell the client can work out where the answers lie within the information. It's such a lazy, apathetic attitude. It shits me. Tonight, I was at work later than anyone else, trying to pick up the pieces and cover for her, when I realised that I shouldn't need to. So, I wrote my manager an email and without actually naming her, explained the discussion which originally took place.
What do I do about this woman? She's incompetent and although has had SIMILAR experience in this line of work, wasn't very good at it and still isn't. She pretends to understand what is expected, but has such a romantic notion of things, really doesn't take things in. You just can't rely on her.
How do I talk to my manager about this? I have spoken to him about this on a very high level, but he's so non committal about it. This is his style. It was his style last time when a colleague wasn't performing. I left that job, disheartened. I don't want to leave this job disheartened. I refuse to. I am better than her, more valuable. To me, she is someone who people roll their eyes about and tolerate. She's a bit of a joke unfortunately. A kind heart, but not very professional.
I have this colleague who is a trying personality. Let me describe.
She's 62. She's gushy - everything and everyone is woooonderful! She's highly irritating sometimes but gets very offended when it seems like people are ignoring her - if you are quieter than normal, she thinks it's about her. She won't ask for help with work, but she's all over you when it's a personal thing (offer to cook dinner, wash for you, whatever). She's insecure and needy. She's high maintenance. She needs validation. She isn't thorough.
I have this colleague.
Today, she let us down. Let me start from the beginning.
Last week, colleague and I had a meeting with Fred (not his name). In this meeting, Fred asked us to put some information together. He asked for it a certain way, under certain headings but it was important to jsut get the information in there (keep this in mind). Colleague and I agreed, but it was colleague who was ultimately given responsibility for it. I was support and this was fine - I was flat out with a lot of other things.
Anyway, document is due tomorrow and a review was done today, this time with our manager involved. I was not a part of this review due to my busy nature (yes, i am very important!). Apparently my manager and Fred reviewed the document and manager made a point that the information did not follow the client's headings (as previously discussed in the first meeting). But Fred did not tell manager that it was the original intention to do it that way and it had not been done.
So, being that it was at the 11th hour, I was brought in to review these documents and structure them according to the first meeting. My colleague was given other tasks and I was taken off my other VIDs (Very Important Duties). I was given the brief to rewrite 3 of the 6 documents. However, upon reviewing the other 3, I realised they too needed to be placed into the same format. I spent the entire afternoon rewriting, calling people for the missing information and fuming. As I was doing it, I realised that my colleague had basically done a huge dump of information from our library of information, without reviewing it, without tailoring it and without thinking about the discussion from the first session about structuring it to the client's requirements. Yet, she had spent 'all this time' fluffing around with a document - doing god knows what.
My colleague wanted to know why I was stressing out and shitty. I said that the document hadn't been tailored like the first discussion and needed a lot of work. She turned around and said, "Oh! But that's what Fred said to do and that it would be tailored upon review!" The panic in her voice was evident, like she was excusing herself, trying to defend herself when no one was attacking her.
The thing is, Fred did say this, but he and I both expected that yes, she would dump the information in there, but the expectation was that she begin tailoring the information according to the client's requirements, not sit passively by and wait to be told to do it. All I can think is that all she heard in that meeting was "blah blah blah, dump the information in, blah blah blah".
The basics of our work is this - you dump relevant information in, and then you go back and think more about the requirements and you start to tailor the information. You don't dump the information in and hope to hell the client can work out where the answers lie within the information. It's such a lazy, apathetic attitude. It shits me. Tonight, I was at work later than anyone else, trying to pick up the pieces and cover for her, when I realised that I shouldn't need to. So, I wrote my manager an email and without actually naming her, explained the discussion which originally took place.
What do I do about this woman? She's incompetent and although has had SIMILAR experience in this line of work, wasn't very good at it and still isn't. She pretends to understand what is expected, but has such a romantic notion of things, really doesn't take things in. You just can't rely on her.
How do I talk to my manager about this? I have spoken to him about this on a very high level, but he's so non committal about it. This is his style. It was his style last time when a colleague wasn't performing. I left that job, disheartened. I don't want to leave this job disheartened. I refuse to. I am better than her, more valuable. To me, she is someone who people roll their eyes about and tolerate. She's a bit of a joke unfortunately. A kind heart, but not very professional.
Monday 28 August 2006
Progress for the Impatient...
We've had a hugely busy weekend, but very productive. Finally, finally the sink has been stuck in - literally. Glen got the silicone glue gun out and stuck that sucker right into its big fat hole! Yay! The cooktop has been plonked into its hole, newly created for it on the weekend. Whilst I was sleeping last night, it was magically stuck in place by the cooktop-sticky-fairy! Amazing! Plus, the oven has been sat in its hole, but is not quite secured. However, it is working and lovely bright red numerals light its display.
All is right with the world - almost :)
It's Monday night here, so on Wednesday, Mr Plumber Man will be visiting us in our lovely house to install the mixer tap, connect the gas to the cooktop, connect the dishwasher and fix up the trap under the sink. Yay! Hopefully by the weekend, we'll be cooking on the cooktop and baking in the oven, plus cleaning all the dishes in the dishwasher!
In other news, I had my talent discussion today. Basically a review of where I want to be, what I see my strength as and what I think I need to get to the next level. My boss, whom I have worked with before seems to have great confidence in my abilities (he's good for the old ego!), so it was quite shocking to hear him say that he couldn't see anyone more perfect for his role than me, ie: when he moved on, he wanted me to replace him. This is a great hononur, but what is more pleasing is to know his manager holds me in high regard and sees me as the next manager of the team. :) Very pleasing. Anyway, my manager basically said that he would undertake to give me more work to do - more of his work every now and then, to get me familiar with his role and he would take more time to mentor me. So, the glass ceiling isn't as close as I thought it would be.
Anyway, still a very tired chicken here. So, off to have my evening shower and prepare for bed. Yes, I am a nanna.
All is right with the world - almost :)
It's Monday night here, so on Wednesday, Mr Plumber Man will be visiting us in our lovely house to install the mixer tap, connect the gas to the cooktop, connect the dishwasher and fix up the trap under the sink. Yay! Hopefully by the weekend, we'll be cooking on the cooktop and baking in the oven, plus cleaning all the dishes in the dishwasher!
In other news, I had my talent discussion today. Basically a review of where I want to be, what I see my strength as and what I think I need to get to the next level. My boss, whom I have worked with before seems to have great confidence in my abilities (he's good for the old ego!), so it was quite shocking to hear him say that he couldn't see anyone more perfect for his role than me, ie: when he moved on, he wanted me to replace him. This is a great hononur, but what is more pleasing is to know his manager holds me in high regard and sees me as the next manager of the team. :) Very pleasing. Anyway, my manager basically said that he would undertake to give me more work to do - more of his work every now and then, to get me familiar with his role and he would take more time to mentor me. So, the glass ceiling isn't as close as I thought it would be.
Anyway, still a very tired chicken here. So, off to have my evening shower and prepare for bed. Yes, I am a nanna.
Thursday 24 August 2006
Developments...
A few things.
I seem to have been converted over to the new Beta Blogger. Hopefully I like it. It's not like I am used to, so I guess that sucks a bit, but shit happens.
Secondly, and it's not an afterthought, I've just been avoiding talking about it because I haven't really known what to say. I seem to have been tired a lot recently. I mean, I am talkin a few months. I've been weary, grumpy, tired and generally fatigued. It culminated last week with my vomitting episode and two days away from work. I got blood tests, yadda yadda and yesterday, went to the doctor to get the results. My kidneys and liver are fine. My thyroid is fine. My iron levels are fine. Etc etc. The test for Glandular Fever came back inconclusive. Yeh, I know. doctor said that she wanted another test, but suspects that I've either had Glandular, or have it.
So, I'm taking it easy. Or trying to. I'm going to bed earlier and my boss has been very understanding when I feel like falling asleep at my desk in the afternoons. I hope it passes. It sucks and I'm not the type of person who usually gets sick. It's just not me. But I have no one to blame but myself. I should have been taking care of myself. I should have been sleeping more. I should have been eating better - fruit and vegetables. So, I'm on the road to eating better, sleeping more and being nicer to myself.
In the meantime, this is Grumpy Sam, signing off.
I seem to have been converted over to the new Beta Blogger. Hopefully I like it. It's not like I am used to, so I guess that sucks a bit, but shit happens.
Secondly, and it's not an afterthought, I've just been avoiding talking about it because I haven't really known what to say. I seem to have been tired a lot recently. I mean, I am talkin a few months. I've been weary, grumpy, tired and generally fatigued. It culminated last week with my vomitting episode and two days away from work. I got blood tests, yadda yadda and yesterday, went to the doctor to get the results. My kidneys and liver are fine. My thyroid is fine. My iron levels are fine. Etc etc. The test for Glandular Fever came back inconclusive. Yeh, I know. doctor said that she wanted another test, but suspects that I've either had Glandular, or have it.
So, I'm taking it easy. Or trying to. I'm going to bed earlier and my boss has been very understanding when I feel like falling asleep at my desk in the afternoons. I hope it passes. It sucks and I'm not the type of person who usually gets sick. It's just not me. But I have no one to blame but myself. I should have been taking care of myself. I should have been sleeping more. I should have been eating better - fruit and vegetables. So, I'm on the road to eating better, sleeping more and being nicer to myself.
In the meantime, this is Grumpy Sam, signing off.
Thursday 17 August 2006
Bloody beta crap!
I made the mistake of logging on to beta blogger last night to see what all this fuss is about. Suddenly, I am unable to log onto blogger tonight to enter a simple entry. Freakin' annoying. Ended up having to reset my password which is unacceptable. Grrr.
______________________________________________________________________
Messages received on the home phone this afternoon : three
Messages from : Pathology from yesterday's excruciating blood sucking experience
Nature of message one : Oh sorry, we were so incompetent that that we didn't get enough blood from you and didn't torture you enough by wiggling and wretching the needle in your hand, we need to do it all again
Nature of message two : Different person, telling me they fucked up and needed more blood and did I mention we're sorry, oh yeh, we're sorry and at the end, we're very sorry (and incompetent)
Nature of message three : Oh! We put our one sole brain cell to work and realised we could use the existing blood to test for the final test requested! We're brilliant and we're saving you the hassle of coming back in so we can torture you again and say "Shit" when we see your veins, or rather, can't see them!
Morons! I swear. Suffice to say, throughout message one and two, I'm standing there fuming, bitching at Glen, vowing never to go back to that god-awful excuse for a pathology unit.
Grrrrr.
/rant off
/time for bed
/time to take a chill pill
______________________________________________________________________
Messages received on the home phone this afternoon : three
Messages from : Pathology from yesterday's excruciating blood sucking experience
Nature of message one : Oh sorry, we were so incompetent that that we didn't get enough blood from you and didn't torture you enough by wiggling and wretching the needle in your hand, we need to do it all again
Nature of message two : Different person, telling me they fucked up and needed more blood and did I mention we're sorry, oh yeh, we're sorry and at the end, we're very sorry (and incompetent)
Nature of message three : Oh! We put our one sole brain cell to work and realised we could use the existing blood to test for the final test requested! We're brilliant and we're saving you the hassle of coming back in so we can torture you again and say "Shit" when we see your veins, or rather, can't see them!
Morons! I swear. Suffice to say, throughout message one and two, I'm standing there fuming, bitching at Glen, vowing never to go back to that god-awful excuse for a pathology unit.
Grrrrr.
/rant off
/time for bed
/time to take a chill pill
Health
Yesterday, I visited the doctor, mainly to get a medical certificate for the days I had been away from work. Standard guff, until the doctor started asking questions about how I had been feeling for the last few months. Fatigued and tired, I said. So, off I was sent to get a blood test. Btw, I passed out from the blood test. This is due to inheriting a body which hides its veins, making it near impossible for anyone to extract blood. As the 'vampire' said to me, my body isn't keen to share.
Anyway, the story is this. I've probably got a virus, hence the headaches, vomitting and tiredness. However, the doctor suspects I might either have glandular fever or an iron deficiency, hence the blood tests. Although, my liver and kidneys are being tested during this blood analysis, so who knows. I guess they indicate such issues too?
I guess this explains why I have been grumpy and tired, lacked motivation and energy. Well, I assume there's a medical reason. I've been feeling deflated for about 4 months now, that I can remember.
Wish me luck. I'm not concerned about there being anything serious wrong. I'm just not that kind of person. Always been very healthy and never had anything majorly wrong. Yeh yeh, I know that any time is a good time to start being unhealthy, but that's just not me. If anything, I reckon it's an iron deficiency, and as a result, I've invested in some multivitamins for women, so hopefully that'll assist.
Test results come back Monday, so will fill you in, if you care!!! Hahahaha! :)
Anyway, the story is this. I've probably got a virus, hence the headaches, vomitting and tiredness. However, the doctor suspects I might either have glandular fever or an iron deficiency, hence the blood tests. Although, my liver and kidneys are being tested during this blood analysis, so who knows. I guess they indicate such issues too?
I guess this explains why I have been grumpy and tired, lacked motivation and energy. Well, I assume there's a medical reason. I've been feeling deflated for about 4 months now, that I can remember.
Wish me luck. I'm not concerned about there being anything serious wrong. I'm just not that kind of person. Always been very healthy and never had anything majorly wrong. Yeh yeh, I know that any time is a good time to start being unhealthy, but that's just not me. If anything, I reckon it's an iron deficiency, and as a result, I've invested in some multivitamins for women, so hopefully that'll assist.
Test results come back Monday, so will fill you in, if you care!!! Hahahaha! :)
Wednesday 16 August 2006
I keep reading other people's blogs and I keep thinking that I haven't be reciprocating by posting something witty and equally as engaging to make people wnat to visit my blog.
I jsut don't have it in me right now. I have nothing, in fact.
I'm sluggish and exhausted, fatigued and without motivation. It's showing in every part of my life.
I woke up in the early hours of yesterday morning with a big migraine and a great desire to vomit. I did that, I went back to bed and woke up a little later. Still with a headache, still with a desire to vomit. So, I did that again and went back to bed - not before letting my boss know that I wasn't coming in.
Last night, I went to bed developing a headache. I woke up during the night with a thumping headache and it was still around when the alarm went off this morning. So, I decided not to go to work again. I've been sitting on the lounge most of the day, feeling completely blah, feeling trapped in my blahness.
So, there's probably no fabulously insightful blog entry here. In fact, I feel pretty crap and I don't really know why. The headache has gone, but I feel fatigued and I'm wondering if that's because I'm sitting around all day, or because I am sleeping more because I am tired and not well.
I guess once I feel more alive and living, the blog entries will come back. I just dont have the motivation or enthusiasm to really write. I'm basically living for the weekends right now and they aren't much fun recently!
Anyway, I'll be back at some point.
I jsut don't have it in me right now. I have nothing, in fact.
I'm sluggish and exhausted, fatigued and without motivation. It's showing in every part of my life.
I woke up in the early hours of yesterday morning with a big migraine and a great desire to vomit. I did that, I went back to bed and woke up a little later. Still with a headache, still with a desire to vomit. So, I did that again and went back to bed - not before letting my boss know that I wasn't coming in.
Last night, I went to bed developing a headache. I woke up during the night with a thumping headache and it was still around when the alarm went off this morning. So, I decided not to go to work again. I've been sitting on the lounge most of the day, feeling completely blah, feeling trapped in my blahness.
So, there's probably no fabulously insightful blog entry here. In fact, I feel pretty crap and I don't really know why. The headache has gone, but I feel fatigued and I'm wondering if that's because I'm sitting around all day, or because I am sleeping more because I am tired and not well.
I guess once I feel more alive and living, the blog entries will come back. I just dont have the motivation or enthusiasm to really write. I'm basically living for the weekends right now and they aren't much fun recently!
Anyway, I'll be back at some point.
Tuesday 15 August 2006
Midget
The breeder sent me photos of Midget this afternoon. Midget is Aella's litter sister, but was kept by the breeder because she was born a runt and with a badly functioning kidney. Anyway, Midget is coming home with us on Friday night!
Woo! I'm scared and excited.
It makes us a four-cat family! Scary stuff!!
Monday 14 August 2006
Sunday 13 August 2006
Saturday 12 August 2006
Vicious Hammer
Finally, I have joined the realm of Utubers.
I present Clio, aged 14 weeks old, attacking one very vicious hammer.
I present Clio, aged 14 weeks old, attacking one very vicious hammer.
Wednesday 9 August 2006
Changes...
I'm still around, just finding it hard to find the groove, you know? When things are up in the air at home, with no real kitchen and everything boxed up, it's really hard to maintain stability and normalcy. I need routine and order and without that, I am lost.
On the kitchen front, Glen and I made a commitment to get stuck into it this weekend and try to get some major things done, like the hole for the sink cut etc. It doesn't help that he'll be working most of Sunday for open day, but the overtime money will be very useful. Also, I spoke to the shop today and our oven package has all bar the rangehood, arrived at the store. Once that happens, they'll make arrangements for it to be delivered. Yay! When I get paid in a week or so, we'll get the dishwasher. God knows how long it'll take to get the plumber out. Grrr. If anyone knows of a good plumber in Melbourne, please let me know.
Have been trying to make changes to my life, including trying to eat better by limiting my carb intake and getting back to the gym. I've managed to get to the gym yesterday and today, but am not going tomorrow, as I'm coming down with a cold! Argh. Just not fair. I was looking into getting a personal trainer to keep me motivated, but with this cold, I don't think it's worthwhile yet. My boss has been very supportive and I've been able to get to the gym during non-peak times.
You know what I found at the gym? None of the girls in the change rooms have any modesty. Today, for example I walked into the change room and like always, I got my gym gear together and toddled off to the toilets to get into my clothes. When I came back to put my work clothes in my locker, I saw a small woman run to from the change rooms to the showers, wearing nothing but a t-shirt. My view was of a bare bum bobbing up the ramp to the showers. Later, whilst walking up the showers for my own shower, I was given an eyeful of frontal exposure of another t-shirt-only wearing gym-dweller. It was more than my poor eyes could take.
Don't people have any measure of modesty these days? I know I'm not an oil painting when naked, and I never have been - even as a teen and young adult, but even if I was trim and taunt, I still don't think I would bounce around in a semi-public forum. So tell me blog-world, do you as a female have a tendency to bounce around semi-naked in front of others you do not know? Is this something you are comfortable with? Because, I tell ya, I sure as hell don't like the idea of showing the world what's 'downstairs'! There's only one person in my life who's privy to viewing me in all my nakedness!
Anyway, that's my week so far. Right now I am feeling rather tired and fatigued, so am going to have a lovely hot shower and hop into bed.
Take care everyone.
On the kitchen front, Glen and I made a commitment to get stuck into it this weekend and try to get some major things done, like the hole for the sink cut etc. It doesn't help that he'll be working most of Sunday for open day, but the overtime money will be very useful. Also, I spoke to the shop today and our oven package has all bar the rangehood, arrived at the store. Once that happens, they'll make arrangements for it to be delivered. Yay! When I get paid in a week or so, we'll get the dishwasher. God knows how long it'll take to get the plumber out. Grrr. If anyone knows of a good plumber in Melbourne, please let me know.
Have been trying to make changes to my life, including trying to eat better by limiting my carb intake and getting back to the gym. I've managed to get to the gym yesterday and today, but am not going tomorrow, as I'm coming down with a cold! Argh. Just not fair. I was looking into getting a personal trainer to keep me motivated, but with this cold, I don't think it's worthwhile yet. My boss has been very supportive and I've been able to get to the gym during non-peak times.
You know what I found at the gym? None of the girls in the change rooms have any modesty. Today, for example I walked into the change room and like always, I got my gym gear together and toddled off to the toilets to get into my clothes. When I came back to put my work clothes in my locker, I saw a small woman run to from the change rooms to the showers, wearing nothing but a t-shirt. My view was of a bare bum bobbing up the ramp to the showers. Later, whilst walking up the showers for my own shower, I was given an eyeful of frontal exposure of another t-shirt-only wearing gym-dweller. It was more than my poor eyes could take.
Don't people have any measure of modesty these days? I know I'm not an oil painting when naked, and I never have been - even as a teen and young adult, but even if I was trim and taunt, I still don't think I would bounce around in a semi-public forum. So tell me blog-world, do you as a female have a tendency to bounce around semi-naked in front of others you do not know? Is this something you are comfortable with? Because, I tell ya, I sure as hell don't like the idea of showing the world what's 'downstairs'! There's only one person in my life who's privy to viewing me in all my nakedness!
Anyway, that's my week so far. Right now I am feeling rather tired and fatigued, so am going to have a lovely hot shower and hop into bed.
Take care everyone.
Monday 7 August 2006
Back to normal...
Since my Sydney trip last week, I have been blessed with headaches, sore backs and neck aches. This doesn't count the fatigue included which just eggs on the pain. Grr. Anyway, after two visits to the chiro since Friday, I am feeling better. However, I had to stay home today to feel better. I'm not opposed to some personal days from work, but I usually prefer it to be more enjoyable! Grr.
Anyway, I'm back and alive.
Sydney trips were nice, got to meet a lot of nice colleagues and really felt like I was part of a team.
Been having lots of niggling feelings about maternal clocks ticking and a little bit of navel gazing regarding this topic. I've always been fairly adament about families, in that they are nice, but I didn't think I had much to add to this topic, especially not becoming a mother. Now, I feel a bit different and am starting to linger when I see little kids running around, especially babies when they react to their surroundings. I especially feel it from people who blog, like Sonnet, Margie and Erika, who make motherhood seem so appealing, despite all the uphevels involved. I guess I want to feel complete and I couldn't think of a better person to share this with than with Glen. I don't always feel like this and there are times where I feel perfectly selfish and not all maternal. But I'm starting to notice that this maternal instinct is rearing it's ugly head more and more often.
What to do? It's a tough thing. Because not only do I have this internal struggle in my head, but the financial and logistical nightmare of it. I'm very conscious of the fact that I will most likely always be the highest income earner in our family. And that's not to belittle what Glen contributes, but because he's very satisified with his job and has no great ambitions to climb, he can't move further up the food chain and therefore will always earn the same income. Whereas, I can earn bonuses and increments to my salary. My type of job is very specialised and there aren't many of us out there, so I can almost afford to pick and choose. With this choice comes nice income. We really couldn't afford for me to be an at-home mum.
Oh bah humbug. The joys of life. Discussions have been had about kids and the basic consensus is that they would be nice to have, but let's wait until we've paid some of our mortgage off and perhaps gotten rid of the car loan. But what's to say that if we did all of that, that I was actually fertile, could have children, or that Glen was physically able to have them? What if we waited until we were financially able to have them, only to discover that we couldn't? That would be a waste, almost.
Grrr.
Too much time to think today.
Need to watch some tv and just ignore these fresh feelings.
Anyway, I'm back and alive.
Sydney trips were nice, got to meet a lot of nice colleagues and really felt like I was part of a team.
Been having lots of niggling feelings about maternal clocks ticking and a little bit of navel gazing regarding this topic. I've always been fairly adament about families, in that they are nice, but I didn't think I had much to add to this topic, especially not becoming a mother. Now, I feel a bit different and am starting to linger when I see little kids running around, especially babies when they react to their surroundings. I especially feel it from people who blog, like Sonnet, Margie and Erika, who make motherhood seem so appealing, despite all the uphevels involved. I guess I want to feel complete and I couldn't think of a better person to share this with than with Glen. I don't always feel like this and there are times where I feel perfectly selfish and not all maternal. But I'm starting to notice that this maternal instinct is rearing it's ugly head more and more often.
What to do? It's a tough thing. Because not only do I have this internal struggle in my head, but the financial and logistical nightmare of it. I'm very conscious of the fact that I will most likely always be the highest income earner in our family. And that's not to belittle what Glen contributes, but because he's very satisified with his job and has no great ambitions to climb, he can't move further up the food chain and therefore will always earn the same income. Whereas, I can earn bonuses and increments to my salary. My type of job is very specialised and there aren't many of us out there, so I can almost afford to pick and choose. With this choice comes nice income. We really couldn't afford for me to be an at-home mum.
Oh bah humbug. The joys of life. Discussions have been had about kids and the basic consensus is that they would be nice to have, but let's wait until we've paid some of our mortgage off and perhaps gotten rid of the car loan. But what's to say that if we did all of that, that I was actually fertile, could have children, or that Glen was physically able to have them? What if we waited until we were financially able to have them, only to discover that we couldn't? That would be a waste, almost.
Grrr.
Too much time to think today.
Need to watch some tv and just ignore these fresh feelings.
Thursday 3 August 2006
Blade Runner?
Just uploaded a stack of photos to flickr. Some from my Sydney trip this week and a bunch of Aella with Tilly and Zeus.
Enjoy :)
Will post a proper entry shortly, just a bit tired from the trip and currently have a migraine from all the sitting around in meetings and stupid Airtrek simulations - I'll discuss later.
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