Back to normal...

Since my Sydney trip last week, I have been blessed with headaches, sore backs and neck aches. This doesn't count the fatigue included which just eggs on the pain. Grr. Anyway, after two visits to the chiro since Friday, I am feeling better. However, I had to stay home today to feel better. I'm not opposed to some personal days from work, but I usually prefer it to be more enjoyable! Grr.

Anyway, I'm back and alive.

Sydney trips were nice, got to meet a lot of nice colleagues and really felt like I was part of a team.

Been having lots of niggling feelings about maternal clocks ticking and a little bit of navel gazing regarding this topic. I've always been fairly adament about families, in that they are nice, but I didn't think I had much to add to this topic, especially not becoming a mother. Now, I feel a bit different and am starting to linger when I see little kids running around, especially babies when they react to their surroundings. I especially feel it from people who blog, like Sonnet, Margie and Erika, who make motherhood seem so appealing, despite all the uphevels involved. I guess I want to feel complete and I couldn't think of a better person to share this with than with Glen. I don't always feel like this and there are times where I feel perfectly selfish and not all maternal. But I'm starting to notice that this maternal instinct is rearing it's ugly head more and more often.

What to do? It's a tough thing. Because not only do I have this internal struggle in my head, but the financial and logistical nightmare of it. I'm very conscious of the fact that I will most likely always be the highest income earner in our family. And that's not to belittle what Glen contributes, but because he's very satisified with his job and has no great ambitions to climb, he can't move further up the food chain and therefore will always earn the same income. Whereas, I can earn bonuses and increments to my salary. My type of job is very specialised and there aren't many of us out there, so I can almost afford to pick and choose. With this choice comes nice income. We really couldn't afford for me to be an at-home mum.

Oh bah humbug. The joys of life. Discussions have been had about kids and the basic consensus is that they would be nice to have, but let's wait until we've paid some of our mortgage off and perhaps gotten rid of the car loan. But what's to say that if we did all of that, that I was actually fertile, could have children, or that Glen was physically able to have them? What if we waited until we were financially able to have them, only to discover that we couldn't? That would be a waste, almost.

Grrr.

Too much time to think today.

Need to watch some tv and just ignore these fresh feelings.