Quick update...

It's on its way to 36 degrees here today, but thankfully I get to spend the majority of it inside.

Yesterday, I had my second interview for the job. It was the first interview with the organisation (the first was with the recruitment company). Anyway, I kinda felt like I babbled and carried on a bit. I kinda thought that some of the things I said rambled on a lot. But then we spent a lot of time talking about the politics of the organisation. So, who knows. Anyway, I got a phone call today. I have been offered a second interview when we return in January to work! Woo! I was a little shocked, but rather pleased. I'm still having mixed emotions about it. I love the team I work with now but the opportunity is really difficult to say no to. Anyway, I have all of Christmas to get used to it. Right? right...

Ok. The dog is inside with me, because it's starting to get ridiculous outside and the poor pet is black, so feels it more. I've closed the shutters on the front windows to keep the sun out. Now, I sit and wait.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone.

Btw, why is it, EVERY year, they play Chevy Chases' National Lampoon Christmas Vacation? Honestly. They'll still be playing it when the guy is dead!

Blergh

Because I have nothing of real value to post on this blog and because I feel blah, I've copied Mark's blog and taken this evil quiz. I'm particularly amused by my Pride. Hrm.

Btw, sorry for the lack of posts. I just can't be fucked at this point. Interview was today. I think it went ok, but who knows. It's always a bit nerve racking, but then I've never really interviewed for a job within the same organisation.

Greed:	High
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Low
Pride:	Very Low

Discover Your Sins - Click Here

Plead the 5th...

Blergh. Ok, firstly sorry for the silence. It's just getting a bit crazy here with all the Christmasy things happening, the busyiness of work etc. So, secondly sorry to anyone who is waiting for my Christmas card to arrive. I just didn't get the chance. Really sorry :( I'm making it up to you guys.

My reasons a kind of silly. A combination of really sore wisdom teeth, a dental appointment which went ary, work peaking on Wednesday and then many functions at work etc.

To top it all off, my dream job came up in another department at work, and I have been experiencing hert palpatations, wondering how I was going to break the news to my boss that I might be possibly interested in putting my hand up. Can anyone say, "Barely through my 3 month probation"? Hrm. So, the conversation went ok, my boss is a little upset and possibly annoyed at me, but I took the plunge regardless and sent my application in. You see, I didn't go looking for this job. I was happy to sit where I was. I was looking forward to the challenges of next year. However, a colleague approached me and asked if I would be interested. It's a field I wasn't able to get into before because no one would take me. You see, many didn't see my skills as easily transferable. This person does and convinced me to give it a go. We'll see. It's not like I am losing my sleep over it. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I might cry if I get it, for I will be leaving a fantastic team of people.

Anyway. I'm really sorry for being quiet, but I suspect that the time until Christmas will be a bit crazy for me. I'm so looking forward to my days off. Bring on Christmas!

PS: My dental appointment was extremely annoying. Picture a dentist who has a thick swedish accent, barely audible in normal circumstances and ridiculous behind a mask. The dental nurse was translating for me and all I knew at the end of the torture was that "You had 3 holes in your teeth. You got good teeth!". Hrm. Turns out he'd drilled a huge gap in one of my molers, so it's likely that if I bite into something hard on that tooth, the thin piece created will snap off. Hrm. I'm just hoping that I'm overreacting and that in fact, he's a good dentist who knows EXACTLY what he is doing. Hrm.

The washing is ready. Bye guys. Email me! It seems I am fairing much better at that than updating this page.

Queen Clio...

Mine baby girl has been snip snipped. She got desexed today and has arrived home very groggy and sedate, sporting a stylish Elizabethan collar. It's very disconcerting to see her so groggy and 'un-animated'. She's been sleeping a lot and at one point, relished her favourite meal - two wheattie bix and goats milk. MMMmm Mmm! We have now collapsed on the doggie mattress for another long sleep. Poor little girl. Of course, I have suffered in her misery and photographed her sleeping with her big conehead! As soon as I can find the cord for the digital camera, I'll shoot them over to flicker.

In other news, we got our Comm Games tickets in the mail today! yay for us!! Many fabbo tickets. We have gymnastics in lower floor, row B - not bad! Others aren't so hot, but what can you do?

Anyways, I'm about to start my weekend.

Und update...

Yes, my diary entries are sporadic, at best I humbly apologise, but then, I often get the impression that no one's really reading.

Anyway, my week in bullet points:

• We have handed over our cheque to the agent - so, now we're basically home owners. Settlement is end of February and we've been sent confirmation that the nasty tenants have been given notice. We had an issue late last week where we realised the agent had ticked the wrong option on the contract - the one which says "vacant possession"/"rental receipts". The agent ticked the latter. Obviously, we are seeking to live in the house and the agent knew this, but the moron reckons that's how they do it. My conveyancer hit the roof, told him he was a fool and set about trying to get confirmation that the vendor had issued notice to the tenant. We have received it, so we're covered.
• Clio has had a whole mess of "little girl" problems. Basically her bits haven't grown as she has grown. So, we've seen a few vets, the last one was so patronising, that I wanted to slap him! None of these vets wanted to desex her, stating that she had to have a season before they would. However, we saw a friend's vet who was so lovely and had such common sense, that he has volunteered to desex her because he doesn't see it as being an issue. So, she's booked in for Friday morning for the big snip snip!! The vet basically said it's a common condition, she's not suffering and desexing her won't be an issue. The only issue in the future could be dermatitis, because she has such a build up of folds of skin around her little girl bits! Hard to convey, but you get my drift.
• My friend Margie is leaving Australia next Tuesday, so we're catching up one last time on the weekend for a movie and dinner. I will miss having her around, but am excited for her as she sets off on her new journey over to Stockholm.
• We're in non-ratings period on TV, so I am suffering!! I've been watching a lot of rental movies (I have a hankering for Cocktail this weekend!) and hanging out, cleaning etc. exciting, I know.
• We bought a christmas tree! I shall take some photos this weekend and put them on flicker. It's our first tree as a couple, which sounds a bit odd, but when you've spent the last 5 years traveling from one in-laws to the other, it gets a bit old. Suffice to say, some of the in-laws are far from pleased that we won't be seeing them, but tough shit, I say!

Ok, tired of the bullet points. My wisdom tooth is acting up and I need to gargle some listeri-ne. grr.
Btw, not feeling the love for the christmas card exchange. So far, Sonnet and Verbs are the only ones who've responded! Also, Buzzaroni and I are exchanging, god love her!

Christmas Card Exchange!

Alright, idea borrowed from Margie over in the US. Anyone wanna do a Christmas card exchange? Would be nice to hear from you all!!!

Leave a comment, or send me an email.

By request...

It's a bit quiet around, too quiet. I've been a little off with the fairies recently, but then I'm gathering that most of my readers are also in the same cycle - it's Christmas, who'd have guessed?!

So, I'm opening up my blog and calling it 'By Request'.

My rules are simple. Let me know what you'd like me to talk about - current affairs, stories from my high school years, my biggest dreams. Whatever.

Of course, this could all fall flat on its face and I could look completely stupid. So be it. I need some stimulation and excitement in this blog.

Also, as a side note. Tomorrow morning, we should know whether the house is a goer - the building inspector is going through the house and giving us his 'official' opinion. Fingers crossed. I would guesstimate that Friday, we'll be handing over a big fat bastard cheque!

TGIF!

It's hot and it's been a long day for me. Not a lot of work got done, but I managed to organise the solicitor and building inspector. It's still very sureal for us, and because we can't go back to revisit the place that easily (we can, but it requires a bit of a logistical nightmare), we kinda feel like 10 weeks is both a long time and not long at all.

Anyway, I have made available some photos of the house on my flickr page, which is attached to the right of this entry. However, I'm not overly keen to have just anyone viewing the photos, so I've had to make the decision to make the photos visible to friends and family. Having said that, please leave me a comment and I can email you the photos, or accept you as a friend/family person on flicker. Assuming you care enough :)

Now, Glen and I are planning on how to spend our money. We need a new clothesline, a front fence and paint for the garish loungeroom wall. Some of this stuff might be restricted by funds, but we'll see what we can save. On top of this, we want a certain amount of money in the bank as a basic float of money, in case of emergency/for a rainy day.

Anyway, enough rambling about my house stuff. I am sure that I'll be raving a fair bit about the house stuff, so if it's boring you, please tune out, but don't give me grief about how boring I am by making a comment. You were warned. :)

Emoh Ruo...

Crap. I posted a nice entry here, and for some reason, my mouse made me lose it. Go figure.

Emoh Ruo is a movie I saw as a kid. It is actually Our Home spelt backwards.

We bought a house today. The contracts will be finalised tonight. Pending building inspections etc, we're cool to go :)

Now, I must go!

100th post...

Yes, this is my 100th posting. It doesn't particularly feel auspicious, but I kinda feel like I have to acknowledge it.

Tonight, Glen and I submitted our offer on the house. Fingers crossed. Should hear back on Friday. We fully expect them to counter offer. Hopefully it's close to what we want to pay.

Anyway, I'm really tired and haven't had great sleep the last few nights, so I'm signing off and going byebyes.

Break out the champagne...

Today has been one of those days. Couldn't get myself motivated to work, organised the agent for our appointment on Wednesday night to sign our offer for the house and got news back from the bank that we have received preapproval for our home LOAN!! Yay! Glen brought champagne home and we are sitting here like old people after two glasses, all dizzy and tired! Go figure! When I got the news this afternoon, I was bouncing for joy and then I realised the enormity - we'll be in debt for the rest of our working life basically. But it's not a bad thing, we'll be able to own our own home. It's a nest egg and it's the stability I've been craving. When I spoke to the agent, we agreed on a February 4 settlement date, so fingers crossed. That's ten weeks away! ARGH!!! When you put it like that, it seem so close :)

So, that's been my day. Aside from that, today marked my first day without restriction on my motorcycle licence. Theoretically, I can go buy a 900cc motorbike, but I won't! But it's good to know, I guess.

Anyway, Wednesday night is D, er D-night. I'm hoping the negotiations don't take too long. We're serious about this property, but we won't be paying more than it's worth.

Incidentally, I'm not hexing it, so I won't be uploading photos until the deed is done. I hope you understand.

Just on a final note, watching Glen play peak-a-boo with a 9-month old black labrador is a bit weird for me. What's weirder is, she is enjoying it. Goofy dog.

Recap...

I've been meaning to update for a while now, but this week has been so weird and unusual.

I'll try to recap in order. Sunday night, Glen and I saw our friend Damien and organised our loan preapproval for our house. It was faxed on Monday morning to the bank. It was a little bit of a late night because of it, so I figured my sickness the next day was nothing too weird. I had a raging headache and felt like I was going to run into walls. But, I really didn't feel as bad as you would feel, if you had a middle ear infection. But I stayed home and slept til midday and then slothed around for the rest of the day. I still didn't feel fabulous, but the headache was subsiding. It was weird, because every time I stopped moving, particularly laid down in bed, I felt the headache bounce back immediately. I realised I had been feeling like this since the week before and I remembered that I felt dizzy and weird since Thursday night. I remember that night, the room was spinning when I went to bed. However, I'd had a really long week at work, working long hours, so I didn't think much of it. Plus, I had the Friday off, so I had time to sleep in and relax.

Anyway, when I woke up Tuesday morning and the room was spinning still and I still had my headache, I made an appointment with the doctor and struggled to work. I had to book in with a different doctor. She was nice and kooky, in an ecentric sort of way. She surmised that I had a sinus infection. Then she checked my ears and said to me that no wonder I couldn't hear, because my ears were blocked. I looked at her weirdly and said, "I can hear, I never said I couldn't hear?!". She looked at me strangely and said that my ears were so infected that I shouldn't be able to hear and I should be in screaming paid. Funny thing is, I had absolutely no pain in my ears. Anyway, I've got an middle ear and sinus infection, all at once. So, I have some kick ass antibiotics! Woo! It's Saturday now and I'm starting to feel better.

The rest of week was a blur. Wednesday night, I was privileged to see my friend Margie become an Australian. Margie has been living in Australia with her partner for about seven years, so it's about bloody time! Anyways, I have about 2-3 photos on my flicker page, so go peer. The one thing I noticed about the swearing in ceremony is that there were a lot of different cultures and a lot of people from different countries, who wanted to become Australians. It was really fabulous to see the pride and emotion that came from these people, to see whole families pump their fists in the air, once they received their citizenship.

The rest of the week was fairly busy, with my manager down from BrisVegas for a couple of days for my performance review - I completed my three months with my new job a couple of weeks ago and I have been given a very positive review, even exceeding expectation in some areas. Yay!

Now, onto the highlight of my week - if it's possible!! Today, Glen and I saw two houses that we were interested in. We had seen one twice before and were umming and ahhing about it. The second one, we had seen a long time ago, when the price was out of our field and we didn't really like it too much - I think we had high expectations of the house we would buy! So, today we went back into this second house and liked what we saw, so much so, that we'll be making an offer on it on Monday. It's already in our price range, but we're going to try and cut the price down a little more. We will need to replace the kitchen at some point and probably put up a front fence on it, so will be hoping to cut the price because of this. Otherwise, the house is quite nice and cosy. Both Glen and I can see ourselves living there. So, stay tuned, as we're hoping to have some positive news later in the week :)

Alright. Time to go. Have a great week everyone :)

On the road again...

Glen and I began our new existence today - living in our car. We're back out on the road again, looking at houses and trying to find one which is cheap enough for us to afford, yet clean and in good enough condition to warrant the money we spend on it.

We found a couple of houses we liked - one is going to auction and possibly going too high for us to afford, but we've decided to go just in case. The other was slightly higher too, but we found out today that they dropped the price by $10K, which is about $9K over what we can afford. Fingers crossed.

I have to say, I am going to lose my cool if we can't find a place soon. I know, we only officially started today, but honestly, it's so heartbreaking sometimes to go from one house to the other and discover that what your money can afford, is shit!

Tomorrow night, we organise our preapproval. I'm hoping it goes smoothly, so that we can be up and running next weekend. Ideally, we'd like to put an offer in on one of the houses we saw today.

I tell ya, people can get a bit catty when there is competition for the house they consider to already be theirs!! *laugh* I was like tha today too, because there were about 7 other people moving through one of the houses. Although, by the time we got through the house and other the other side, we kinda weren't that interested.

So, I guess this is our life for the next month or more. I sincerely hope it takes less time than that. I have to be realistic, but you know, one can't help but dream. It's just an series of ups and downs. I hate seeing a house which looks promising, but has a sloped/holey roof, or bad neighbours, or crusty kitchens, or holey carpets. There's always something that drags it down and yeh sure, we'll accept some dreariness, but sometimes you feel like you'd be wasting your money.

Anyway, in other news. We just came off a hugely busy week at work, lots of long hours. Thank god it is over, but I have to say, we're back at it on Monday - it'll be deadlines all over again until mid December. It's a bit daunting, but I guess it just makes the time go faster. Plus, I have to juggle the house hunting stuff.

Sorry there's no insightful, deep entries this time. i dont think I have it in me. I've been writing all week, proofing and now, house hunting. I suppose I'm just exhausted. I just wanted everyone to know I wasnt dead and I am around somewhere. If I have something to say, I'll be around :)

Finally, before I go, let me ask, Has anyone been watching 30 Days on TV? I have to say, I'm quite impressed. Thought provoking. Just finished watching a straight laced, country christian boy who spent 30 days with a gay guy from the Castro in San Francisco. I have to say, the feel of the Castro made me want to live there. It just had that feel about it.

Anyway, time to play with my ipod - I am overhauling the bastard thing, it's been a nightmare.

Blurry Bridge by Night

Blurry Bridge by Night,
originally uploaded by Sams76.

It's been a while since I uploaded anything onto flicker, so have dumped a whole heap of photos on there. Some from our trip to B.F.N - Bum Fuck Nowhere and others from my lunch time walks.
There's nothing fabulous to my photos, but you might find some of them interesting. Incidently, I have heaps of movies of Clio chasing water, but I don't think I can show them!

Breaking point...

Clio visited Mr Vet today - she has a form of kennel cough, a viral infection in her windpipe, which she has been prescribed Durotuss! Human cough medicine, which would have cost less than what we paid for at the vet!! *laugh* I could be mad, but at least she will be healthy soon.

In other news, guess who's parents called last night and said they couldn't come visit today? Yeh, you guessed it. Apparently they are going to help a neighbour with his guttering, because it's some sort of major incident, which must occur in place of visiting their bloody son. Makes my blood boil. And me, sick of being the passive daughter in law, sent a text message to them, expressing my disappointment and telling them that I hoped they would at least visit when we had our new house. Wouldn't that be nice? For some reason, they feel ok with letting Glen down, but I know for certain that they wouldn't dare do it to Glen's sister. She lives on a farm on the border of SA, so it's not like driving in the city, but it's a further drive to there, than here. Suffice to say, I have decided now that they won't be seeing me at Christmas, before Christmas or after Christmas. I don't think I could be civil, I'm so cranky.

Just a quickie...

I am alive. I am around. I have a cold, a red and runny nose and a lovely husky voice that you could just die for.

Right now, life consists of working like a dog at work to meet a deadline, coming home at 7pm or thereabouts, having dinner cooked by my sweety, watching a little TV and then heading off to bed at 9.30 or close enough. My life is very exciting. I wish I could say my weekend is looking up, but I am seeing my inlaws again, for like the third time in a week. It's grating on my already raw nerves! Argh.

Clio has a cough, we suspect it might be a form of kennel cough, so she's off to the vets on Saturday morning. All in all, she's very happy, hasn't slowed down, so we're comfortable that she'll feel better soon.

Next weekend, if I can get my shit together, we'll be officially house hunting. Still have to get preapproval for the loan, but that should be done late next week.

Anyway, time to wipe my nose, put some makeup to cover the lovely redness and head outside, where it is stormy and dark, but LOVELY and cool!! We had 28degrees overnight, so I slept pretty awful! The joys. Can we move to Siberia?

My tests came back...

Normal.

It's unanimous. I'm just a fat lazy slob! Hrm. I can't say that I am that surprised, but I'm a little disappointed that it really is just me being a fat, lazy, unmotivated slob. Now, I'm the only one responsible for what I have and do become. So, I just have to focus on being better to myself.

Anyway, I'm not going to focus too much on it. There's no point.

In other news. I've just come back from watching Frasier at my market research session. Odd, right? It was a brain waves register thingy. They hooked us up with a head cap thing and had a flashy white light thing happening in my peripheral vision. They made it seem really minor, but I tell ya, after 25 minutes of that junk, my eyes and head were so tired! Plus, in the middle of the episode, they showed us a series of ads by different advertisers. I swear, it was seriously boring and dull after 4 showings of the same garbage! Urgh!

Now, I eat dinner and relax.

I'm a closet heroin junkie...

They are words I can never say, not even in jest, or seriously for that matter. Honestly, if I wanted to become addicted to a hard core drug, I wouldn't be able to take shooting-up as a permanent practice. It just wouldn't be feasible.

This morning was a dilemma and a half. I awoke to discover my dear Glen had a headache and was suffering. So spent my precious time making sure he was comfortable for his day or sleep and relaxation at home. I didn't have time to drink any water this morning (not that I realised it was important - I found out later, it would be) and I managed to scrape up some apples to bring with me after getting my blood taken. I arrived at the vampires - my acronym for pathology and waited patiently. I felt quite chuffed as there was only one person in front of me and the vampire was going through them like a pack of salts. So, I figured I would be at work within 10 minutes of my start time. Yay!

So, I get there and all is well. The nice lady and I make conversation and then, the trouble begins. She can't find a vein. She pats, bashes and tries to coherse one of those suckers out, but none want to come and play. She asks me that fatal question that I didn't realise there was a 'right' answer for - Did you drink any water this morning? I explain to her why my morning was fucked up and she rushes to the sink and gets me a glass of water. I get an Anatomy 101 lesson for free - it's best to be nicely hydrated for blood taking activities. Der Sam. But in all fairness, it was an unusual morning and if I'd had time to sit and have my morning wake up ritual, I would have loaded up my laptop, turned on the morning breakfast show on the radio and probably had some water. Oh well.

So, she pokes me in the arm and nothing comes out. She checks the other arm, but with no joy. She resorts to the hands - my worst fears! But nothing! Yay veins! you have not sold me out! She turns on the taps in the sink and instructs me to dip my hands in the warm water, for it will entice the little blue guys to come out and play. I wait, I stand over the sink and I get tired of it. Meanwhile, she's left the room and I'm standing there, in what I can only imagine to be the most unflattering position - it felt like my arse was up in the air, my legs were extended as far as they would stretch and my hands were supporting my HUNGRY body! Excellent.

So, ten minutes pass and any notion of getting to work close to on time are dashed. She comes in and we sit back down in the horrible "comfortable" chair - yeh right. She pokes at my hands and whammo! A vein has sold me out! It stung like a fucken rabid mosquito who'd found his first meal after a year exiled in the wilderness! I swear. My hand is bruised and sore now and I'm unimpressed. However, 45 minutes later (yes, I shit you not), I have less blood and probably a huge bill coming my way. But the blood is off being analysed, poked and prodded and maybe by Wednesday, I'll have an answer. To be honest, it would almost be better to have something show up, than nothing. Then it would mean I was just fat. Which means I need more motivation to lose the weight. Hrm.

Thanks for the kind thoughts, but there's nothing for me to be worried about. But considering I've only been truly sick once in my life, this is a little bit of a drama for me. I just dont get sick.

In other news, I will be AWOL this weekend - not that you'd miss me, I never update. But we're visiting the inlaws. It's the appeasement, or the prelude for them - we aren't coming home for Christmas. I want to spend Christmas in my own home, doing my own version of Christmas. It shites me that there's almost an unwritten expectation by many, that just because we're not parents and because we dont have children, we are free agents and can float between others' homes for Christmas. As Nanny Jo would say, It's Unaccccceptable :) However, the inlaws don't realise this yet, but Glen's under instructions to let them know before we arrive on Saturday. Otherwise, it's going to be all kinds of awkward shit that day.

The reason we're not spending Christmas anywhere is because I hope we would have made a deposit on the house, so we'll be poor and hopefully in packing mode! Yay :) How odd, right?

Ok, time for some time out. Ha! I just made myself a huge batch of miso soup with chicken and stacks of chicken! yum yum! I love healthy tasty lunches.

***** EDIT***** What sort of moron am I - chicken and stacks of chicken? Hrm. How about we say, chicken and stacks of vegetable! Fucken tard.

Things just aren't the same...

I wish I had the words today, but I don't. Actually, I haven't had the words for a while now. Maybe my real job has worn me out of words. No, seriously I've been writing, editing, proofing, cutting and generally screaming out in pain at the amount of words I've had to read and conjure up. We're busy at work, we're in the midst of a busy period and without saying a lot, it's going to be a tiring period for us until mid December. There will be small breaks in between which I will be gratefully looking forward to, but in the meantime, there may be times where I am quiet. Forgive me, but when you are creative all day with words, sometimes words fail you when you want to write something personal.

My weekend has been productive, busy and most importantly, FUNDS-sucking! We went out to Dandenong yesterday to the Diana Ferr@ri store, because I had a blow out with my black work shoes last week. I couldn't find a pair of shoes to save my fat ass. I swear. There were navy pairs and there were red pairs, but there wasn't a pair of black shoes that I loved! So, I walked out dejected and irritated.

Thereafter, it was a blur. We buy our dog mince in bulk. We get it from a place in Tullamarine and it was a drive and a half for us! 160kg of meat later (60kg was ours!) and we were home. However, we had to divide the meat up into meal servings for Clio to consume later. Fortunately, we did it outside in the courtyard, with the dogs salivating, hoping for a tiny morsel. I say fortunately, because nothing can be done outside in Melbourne without the friggin' skies opening up and dropping a nice deluge of heavy rain on our heads. Of course, when we were done, the rain was also done. Oh well.

So, even though last night we were meant to go see Serenity at the cinema, we sat on our buts and watched tv, vegetated and went to bed.

This morning, I woke up with a headache. I wake up with a lot of headaches. In fact, I seem to develop headaches when I stop moving during the day. LIke today when I sat down on the lounge to watch a bit of mindless tv - a headache started developing and it's persisitng even now.

Anyway, this morning we went to dog training. We have been struggling with this dog training group for a while. We have suffered the joys of living through about 4 different dog trainers who didnt have a clue what we had done the previous week, spent their time reliving the week before wiuthout moving on and most importantly, we hugely inconsistent. One lot said that to pass, we had to get Clio to sit, drop and recall. I took this at face value and followed blindly. I didnt check the booklet (not that it helped, I have since checked). Then another trainer took over and suddenly to graduate, we had to sit, recall and stand. Yeh friggin' great, considering my dog didn't know stand from her ass!! So, we were madly trying to get her to do the stand. She suddenly started to understand stand the later half of this week and today, we used treats to bribe her. The trainer was happy enough with that. So, all that was left to do was the sit and recall. She made an example of me and asked me to show the class the recall. Argh! Anyone who knows me, knows I hate being the centre of attention. Suddenly, I had about 12-15 pairs of eyes on me - and no, this didn't count dogs' eyes! I was petrified. I hated it. But Clio was such a bloody legend and she responded to me calling her name EVERY time I asked her to come! So, we passed!!!!

Next week, we get an extra hour sleep in and start training at 11am! You've no idea how good this is for a person who LOVES to sleep in on a Sunday!! I hate waking up at 8am on a Sunday. It sucks!! So, I get an extra hour and then it gets taken away from me because Daylight Savings is coming soon!!

Before I go to have a shower (because dog slobbered on me), I wanted to say --- 17 days left! What does it mean? It means, that's how many days is left before I finish my probation at work and get to apply for a home loan with Glen! This means we'll be out on the real estate circuit, being dismayed and frustrated! But we'll be out there, not jsut treading water. So excited :)

Last thing. I know I said the last thing was the last thing, but this is the last thing.

Tomorow I go in for a bloody test. This will be checking for both types of diabetes, cholesterol and thyroid problems. Part of me hopes that I've got a thyroid problem, because I can't seem to shed any weight and it's frustrating. None of me wants to have diabetes. Fingers crossed. I should get my test results on Tuesday. Stay tuned.

Have a great week folks. I'll be around and will try to post some pictures on flicker that I took last week.

Hint for the week: Christmas isn't far away! Start your christmas shopping! You'll thank me mid December when you sit smugly listening to your work colleagues whinge and moan about having to brave the christmas crowds to purchase presents!! Atleast make a start, it'll be so much easier on the bank balance!!

Jeaniarse?

English Genius You scored 85% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 80% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go! Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it! For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 10% on Beginner You scored higher than 44% on Intermediate You scored higher than 43% on Advanced You scored higher than 54% on Expert

Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

I should be concerned...

When did I lose my sight...

I feel like an absolute shit of a human today. This is all despite the fact that I contributed to the sum total assumption of many that my manager is a moron. I assure you, my manager is not a moron, but because of my lack of foresight and perhaps, experience, I made her look foolish and incompetent. I have been grovelling all afternoon and bashing my head against a thick and hard surface.

no, that's not why I feel like an absolute shit of a human being. You see, my normal routine when I get home is to open up the gates, let Clio into the back of the car (easier to put her there than to run her over!!) and drive the car in. I usually make a deviation to the mail box and to get the bin. Today, it was bin day and as I was bringing Clio to the car, I saw a child of about 11 years old; a boy, riding his bike around the court. My first instinct was to hold onto Clio as I knew she would want to go play with him and would have probably inadvertantly knocked him from his bike! Anyway, I shoved her into the car and went to get the mail. The child called out to me and asked if I wanted assistance getting my bins in. My first reaction was to say no, but as I was saying it, I tried to dilute the ungratefulness of it all and suggested that he was a nice boy, but to please continue riding, because that seemed like more fun.

Now, I feel like a shit because I knew he wanted to help, he's new to the neighbourhood and I know he's a country boy. i also know that the lure of said black labrador puppy dog is very hard to refuse. So, i knew all of this and I was such a short, curt city-dwelling freak, I put a stop to anything he suggested and probably ruined his day.

And for that, I am a shit.

When did I become so unapproachable, defensive and secretive? These are all traits that, as a child, I knew to be held by city-dwellers. Not by a former country town dwelling child, as I am, was. So, when did I stop being friendly and when did I start being a miserable old cow? i swear. If I wasn't employed, young and with a boyfriend, I could be known as that miserable old woman at the end of the court!!

I hope this makes sense and it probably doesnt help that my day was already shit when I got home and being approached by a harmless and very helpful 11 year old, just totally took me by surprise. Perhaps it took me by surprise because since being here, he's the first neighbour around me, in any of the locations I have lived, who has actually shown interest in being friendly, in helping and being generally nice. I now feel compelled in offering a peace offering of some sort, but how do you approach a child now? I cant rock up to their front door and just say, "HEY! I'm that miserable cow from accross the road who rebuffed you!! Wanna play?" Naw.

Shit on me and my crappy new approach to humanity.

My political preferences

For a long time, I thought I was a Labor Party girl. More recently, I've decided that I am just my own person, who basically doesnt agree with any party line I am lumped with. So, I took a test online and came up with these results.

A promise is a promise...

A few days ago, I promise Margie I would do this!! Sorry, it's taken so long, just haven't felt like pouring out my heart and soul to the great unknown - no offence guys, it's just how I am feeling now, and not that I am feeling bad, I'm feeling good. :)

7 things to do before I die
7) Buy a house
6) Travel to Europe
5) See the Book of Kells
4) Italy, visit Positano for Margaret :(
3) See Sonnet and Laura again!
2) Grow my hair
1) Live happily ever after with my HUSBAND, Glen ;)

7 things I cannot do
7) Roll my R's
6) See without my glasses
5) Rollerblade
4) See those hidden 3D images
3) Show emotion to people I don't know well
2) Sing or speak in public
1) Resist chocolate!!

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
7) Smile
6) Eyes
5) Sense of Humour
4) Someone who takes note of what I like, and what I've said
3) Romantic
2) Intelligent, but not genius
1) Caring

7 things I say most often (this is hard!)
7) Fuck it!
6) Shiiit!
5) Whatever!
4) Fiiine!
3) Gleeeennn!
2) Crap!
1) Hey you

7 things that annoy me
7) Rude people
6) Not showing or acknowledging you've heard when I've said something to you!
5) Poking your nose into my business when you are licensed!
4) Sit on my arse when I am riding my scooter or driving my car
3) People who judge without knowing someone
2) People who sing off key!
1) People who sing to themselves in the middle of the supermarket!!

7 things that make me happy
7) Chocolate
6) Sleeping
5) Lazy warm (not hot) afternoons
4) Hanging out with my Glen
3) Wrastling with my black puppy!
2) Listening to good shit 80s music!!
1) Being free to be myself

7 Celebrity crushes
7) John Cusack
6) George Clooney
5) Brendan Fraser
4) Darren Hayes from Savage Garden (Yeh, i know, but I was 20!)
3) Colin Friels
2) Patrick Dempsey (sauve doctor from Grey's Anatomy)
1) Matthew Fox

7 People I want to do this
7) Diana
6) Sonnet
5) Margie
4) Fractal Girl
3) Laura
2) Hugh
1) Aurelius

Should I be concerned??

You scored as Satanism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism. Satanism 83% Buddhism 79% agnosticism 75% Paganism 63% Islam 58% Judaism 50% Christianity 50% Hinduism 50% atheism 25% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

Your Inner Child Is Sad

You're a very sensitive soul. You haven't grown that thick skin that most adults have. Easily hurt, you tend to retreat to your comfort zone. You don't let many people in - unless you've trusted them for a long time.

How Is Your Inner Child?

One Day, Not Today...

Yes, I had a meltdown on Friday and it probably hasn't really finished. I'm still annoyed with the vet and wonder why I keep upsetting people, but I am dealing with it.

I've decided that it's ok to be me, and that people know who I am and while I am conscious of choosing my words carefully, my friends expect me to be honest with them. That's what makes me special - that's what they call, my Value Add - this is my differentiater. I've been told that I shouldn't express my opinion, or be honest with people, whilst others have expressed their appreciation for my honesty. So, it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round. I just have to find those who love me for me. I found Glen, I'll find others.

My weekend wasn't without incident. We hired a trailer from the BP to haul some furniture home from a friend's parents' place. We loaded all the furniture, and halfway through the trip, we were pulled up by an very angry man. I was a bit disturbed - apparently a huge gust of wind caught the glass lid of a cabinet we had on the trailer and had hit the ground in front of this guy's car and caused some superficial damage to the car. Fair enough. It would appear he was basically more upset about having his life flash before his eyes, than the damage to his car. I can understand that. So, we swapped numbers and I guess he'll call. It shook both Glen and I. I gave myself a migraine and Glen got stroppy. It sucked all round, but I think we're fine now. What's done is done.

So, that was my week with glass, I've realised. First Clio got into some old glasses we left in the garage, then her arse careered into the window and now this. Go figure.

I'm faced with a bit of a crisis and I've written about this friend before. We've had problems before. She's difficult to be friends with, so I had it out with her. This is her response. Apparently she isnt aware of what she says and how it affects others. She made no commitment to be more aware in the future, or to be more accountable. So, apparently when she says something hurtful or whatever and sees me get shitty, she doesnt correlate the two.

When I tell her she is guarded, she admits it and shrugs, "Oh well, that's me".
When I tell her that she is sensitive and doesnt listen to me and hears what she wants to hear, she also takes this the wrong way and gets offended and huffy.

Then it becomes about how she is a burden to me, how I apparently seem to be doing her favours, that I'm moody and she doesnt understand why.
I told her she alienates her friends and she has no idea, and says she isnt aware, but makes no commitment to try and be aware of it.

I've tried pretty much everything. I've spent my work day talkign to her, it has taken up my day, I've thought about it a lot, thought about why I react, what it is about me that might upset her - she hasn't delved into her own personality to work out why she might be alienating people or why she says stupid hurtful things. She hasn't tried anything. I feel like I care a lot more about the situation than she does. She's making no effort.

So, I've decided she is way too high maintenance and even though she'll pull the guilt trip on me, and even though I know in her warped screwed up fucked up way, she cares - the friendship is too much for me to maintain and that I can't be honest with her and can't enjoy her company because she is so bloody moody and negative all the time.

So, it's time to take a step back, and let her think it's my fault and that she's done nothing wrong and let her sit in la la land and be her miserable self by herself. It's too much effort, I've tried so hard to adapt and be her friend and today, when I tried to really think long and hard about it and she sat on her arse and didn't analyse or think about why - I reached my limits. It's so one-sided like that and it's usually like that - not just occasionally.

So, now I'm left with one, maybe two less friends. I dont have many friends I connect with, so I guess that's why it's almost convenient, but it's not worth it. So, I feel a bit lonely. I feel a bit alone. I feel like it's me, even though the decision to be here was one made with full knowlege that it wasn't all me.

I'm kinda left wondering who I am. Actually, no - I know who I am, I like who I am and I am comfortable in who I am, so I'm kinda at a loss as to why someone people thought I was any different to what they expected? I've always been me, sure I've changed, but largely I've stayed true to myself. Only with this current friend, have I suppressed my need to get thigns out into the open when they occur and not hold onto them for ages, letting it build up. I repressed the person I was, because of this person, because I felt I had no choice. I'm tired of it and it's affecting who I am.

So world, if you don't like me, don't ask for my friendship. Some people do like me for who I am, they respect me for it and if you don't like me, I'm not peddling my wares to you, so you've only got yourself to blame.

I'm not taking a break from blogging - that's a bit dramatic for me! But I don't really feel much like baring my soul to the world, sharing my life with people who don't like who I am.

I could say sorry for being me, but that would be totally ridiculous.

Enough...

I think I am having a mental breakdown of some kind, but here goes and good luck finding out when the next post will be after this.

Somehow, I seem to have offended a few people this week. Maybe I should shut my trap or something, yeh that's it. Offering advice has always been my strong point, so it kinda bites, but I'll get over it. Trust me, don't ask for my advice, I'll be honest.

Secondly, I'm fucken pissed at my vet. He asked us to come in when Clio was 6 months old, because he wanted to check her and I thought, he wanted to see if he could do something. So, I took her in today and when he carried on like I was the paranoid mother or something, I asked him why he bothered to tell us to bring her in at 6months, if he knew we'd have to wait until she came into season?! You know what he said? "Oh, did I? Oh, well there's no reason, you have to be patient, go home and stop thinking about it and come back when she is ready".

I've got news for him, I aint coming back. Every time I go in there, he treats me like I'm a bloody psychotic, paranoid woman or something. Because I fucken enjoy paying $190 for the consultation and the enjoyment of being told Whoops! Fuck you Mr Vet. You've just lucked out on an entire lifetime of two cats and 1 dog vet bills.

And if I have to listen to a friend whinge and moan and carry on about the world and how it's all negative and shit, I'm going to lose it. Doesn't she realise that people get tired of being around her when she is always negative? And for seconds, I wish she would fucken stop being such a freeloader and offer to pay for things, like the trailer we're renting this weekend to pick up furniture for us and for her to bring it back to our place to store until she has space for it! She is whinging because I asked for her to bring her car to save us making two trips and therefore wasting fuel. She's become tighter than a fish's arse. I'm over it. I'm sick of being the bank. When we go out to shop etc, we ALWAYS take our car, she never offers to take hers.

Fuck it. I'm over and yeh sorry, I dont want any placations. Seriously, I'll be fine, so spare me right now, because it probably wont help and please dont take that personally, because heaven forbid I offend someone else by telling them to leave me alone. No honestly, I don't want any emails about this, ok? Thanks.

Finished.

Tragedy...

In my former life, I was a journalist. I got to meet lots of lovely people. I used to work in Coona, so this killed me to read this today. When I heard yesterday about the plane going missing, I had a bad feeling I would know these people.

I interviewed this man for some stories. I knew him to be such a lovely, caring man. I had bosses who were bastards and funnily enough, one of those bastard bosses is quoted in this article. However, that is all in the past for me, so I don't feel much about that part - I feel a lot more about David and Jill. David and Jill were always nice to me even when others weren't.

New photos...

Don't have much to say tonight, I guess I'm bit tired or something. I've had a bit of a full on day, so instead of speaking, I direct to you the right of this post - my flickr page - I have added a few new photos, including some new pictures of me with my new haircut.

Let me just say, I'm not entirely sure about the cut. On one hand, it sets me up to grow my hair long, which is what I want. But, it doesnt have the same style the last cut had, so go figure. I'm sure I could style it that way though. The best part about this new hairdresser is they are around the corner from my house and the fact that I got a cut and colour with wash and style for $69!! Other places about 2 minutes up the road are charging about $150 for the same service. Trust me, if you get good service, it doesn't matter after that.

Now, I finish, relax and collapse. Seriously, I'm tired. Haven't been sleeping well. Thank god it's Friday tomorrow.

Terribly unoriginal...

I pinched this from Mark's page. Copying is the sincerest form of flattery, right? Or something like that. In any case, I dig these kind of 'getting to know you' posts, so here goes.

10 years ago - 1995 - At Uni, second year of my fArts degree. Living in college. Loving life, I guess. Really felt like I had direction and was going to be this whizz bang journalist. I had a lot of dreams for myself. I was still shy and quiet, and very unsure of myself.

5 years ago - 2000- Working in Queer Undies. Probably the first journo job for me where I felt comfortable, but I was still lonely. I was starting to get itchy feet and there was this boy named Glen in Melbourne who was great to talk to via internet - never spoken to him on the phone or met him though. Wasn't interested in him and was trying to set him up with a friend of mine. Hrm, yeh it didn't work, huh!! :)

1 year ago - Was very discontent with my job at the recruitment company. Had a fabulous boss and one great colleague in Brisbane, but had inherited a new colleague who I couldn't work with. At this point, if we're talking end of September, I had tried for about two months to try and understand her and give her the benefit of the doubt. Was also pissed that my boss didn't seem to notice the rift forming. Started seriously considering moving jobs.

Yesterday - Working hard at work, feeling on top of things. Was feeling a bit wheezy, like back in June when I apparently had Whooping Cough or some nonsense. Took Clio for her walkies and went to bed feeling a bit spun out from overdosing on the Brycanol, or whatever it is.

Tomorrow - Hopefully won't wake up with a headache, like I did this morning. Tomorrow, i have two meetings and get to leave a little early to go get my hair cut and coloured. Yay. Hopefully some pampering, as it's my belief that all hairdressers should pamper, and not just cut and colour.

5 snacks I enjoy - Tim Tams, Gaiety, Connaseuirs Cherry Chocolate Ice Cream, Chocolate Cake and to be politically incorrect, because back when I was a kid, it was called Golliwog Hedgehog! YUM!

5 bands/artists that I know the lyrics to most of their songs - Ben Lee (not really a band), Bon Jovi, Van Morrison (maybe), Tori Amos (thank Uni black depressive phase). That'll do.

5 things I would do with $100,000,000 - Give parts of it to my family and those close to me. Invest some. Buy a nice house and a nice holiday. However, ensure that my future meant I didn't have to work another paid day in my life!

5 locations I'd like to run away to - Italy (Positano for Margaret), France, Canada, Colorado (Grand Canyon) and Greece.

5 bad habits I have - Biting fingers (nails and all), tensing up when concentrating thus giving myself a head/neck ache, biting my lip until it ulcerates, lack of motivation, being sensitive and jumping feet first.

5 things I like doing - Sleeping, reading, watching tv/movies, photography and watching storms.

5 TV shows I like(d) - House, Lost, Grey's Anatomy, 4400 and Iron Chef.

5 movies I like - Grosse Point Blank, Say Anything, Anne of Green Gables, The Truth About Cats and Dogs and Office Space.

5 famous people I would like to meet - John Cusack, Julia Roberts, Dalai Lama, Drew Barrymore and I'm going to come back to this one, because it's important.

5 biggest joys at the moment - Being with Glen, my dog Clio and the way my cats purr and smooch all over me in the mornings or when they want food, my freedom after work, getting a haircut tomorrow and the thunderstorm occurring outside my house right now.

5 favorite toys - My ipod, my palm pilot, my Canon camera, Honey Bear (my childhood bear) and my scanner (this one's pretty lame).

Living in the past...

The other night I had a crazy, confusing and a little upsetting dream.

I need to protect the innocent here; well, I need to protect myself - that is my first priority.

The dream relates to my high school life and there's no real conclusion I can draw from this dream, as it doesn't really relate to my life right now.

Anyway, here goes. We were in church. I remember the church being the Catholic Church I basically grew up in, attending etc. It was the church near my school at the time. However, oddly the church was facing the opposite direction to what it is in reality. When you walked into the front doors, the pews were facing that door - in real life, the pews face away from the door. Nothing huge, but a change for my dream.

Ok, so I was on one side of the church and there were a whole bunch of people on the other side. On my side, my mother sat, but not beside me. And in my dream, Glen was there - sort of, except he was kinda represented by someone from my past, who was a guy I liked whilst in high school. I'll call him S. Anyway, I couldn't understand why my partner, who was S in the dream, was sitting on the other side of the church with a whole heap of other people. It hurt me and I couldn't fathom why he wouldn't want to be with me. I think I had equated my real life with this relationship, as Glen would always want to be with me, not with other people.

Anyway, on the other side of the church were two influential people from my church when I was a teenager. These people had become married to each other during the period of my time in the church. They were avid Christians and to us at the time, we worshipped and envied them. Some of us wanted to be like them, or at least be accepted by them. Anyway, I will call them K&G. I don't know why they were in the dream. I do know that other high school friends were there, including a friend I was friends with, but wasn't overly close to. I shall refer to her as B. She was close friends with D - but D wasn't in the dream, I don't think. I don't even think KG was there - another Christian friend. There was a 'mass' of heads on that side of the church and I knew that K&G were in that mass.

Yeh, I know, I am not making that much sense. But that time in my life was a bit emotional and uncertain. My life has become comfortable and certain. I have stability in my relationship and in my life in general and to have this dream, I woke up feeling very unsure of myself. I didn't like visiting my teenage life in my dreams, against my wishes, so to speak!

I've probably wasted 10 precious minutes of your time. I'm sorry. It was just something I needed to document for myself. Substituting S for Glen in my dream was a bit surreal and made me really unhappy. But in my dream, S was Glen and it never occurred to me that S wasn't Glen and wasn't meant to be Glen! Argh, it's doing my head in!

Feels just like I'm walking on broken glass..

Annie Lennox really nailed it, didn't she? It feels like I'm walking on broken glass. Walking on broken glass!

Hrm.

I came home today, thinking I would walk my dog. Came up the drive way on the scooter and crunch! I ran over glass. It was weird. Got off the bike and realised that Clio had found a box with old drinking glasses wrapped in newspaper. Not amused. Looked over to her bed and saw a complete glass in her bed. The little bugger! So, I cleaned up the glass and that was enough to give me a headache. I started wondering whether she had swallowed any, so I checked her over and it appears she is ok, though you can't be certain.

Anyway, I got it all cleaned up. I went inside and did a few things. Next thing, my friend came over with her dogs. They had been driving her nuts too, so she had brought them over to give them a nice outing. So, Clio and the dogs, as usual rough-housed and ran around like fools. Clio has a tendency to harass and harass them until they want to kill her. So, my friend and I went inside, because they tend to carry on less. Well, next thing I see is Clio barrelling around. And if anyone knows how puppies run around, they usually move with their arse first. It's like a big sweeping motion, arse first, head and shoulders kinda follow. Clio swings her big labrador arse around near the back door and CRACK. One of the glass panels in the back door developed a huge hellish crack in it and I about lost my noodle!

Ok, so now the window has heaps of sticky tape keeping it together and a piece of wood covering it with two large pot plants guarding it. I am greatly unimpressed with my big arsed hound. But the key is the theme - it's Glass Day! And it's only Monday. I wonder if tomorrow is Fence Day, and maybe Wednesday will be Plant Day!

Seriously, this dog has ensured our backyard is sparse and that everything is stored in the workshop out the back. I could kill her. I would like to hang her. I didn't mention that last week, our new Fibretek lead which we bought from dog training a while ago, was chewed up beyond use. Today, she got another hold of it and today, it's in two pieces.

Now, I must log off. I must relax and not think about the broken window out the back and the fact that my dog is el destructo.

Square One...

I know some people are hanging to hear what happened yesterday, so here goes.

We made our offer at the agents and that was both a learning and stressful experience. So much to think about and so many dates to consider. But, we got through it and were told the offer would be made to the vendor this afternoon at 4pm.

We went back to look at the house later in the day and discovered the following:

• A bedroom which had a considerable slope to it - last week, we didn't get that far into the room, as I recall there were some things, like bikes in the way etc.
• The new driveway was lovely, except for one fact, you couldn't get the garage doors open, because the driveway was too high for the doors to open over?!
• Three quarters of the fence around the house would need to be replaced - that's going to be a huge cost to us
• There was a neighbours dog, I suspect a rottweiler who continually barked and barked at us the entire time we were in the back yard and at one point, we wondered if he would bust through the hole in the fence!

There were other small things, but they are the major ones, so I suspect once Glen gets home later today and we have a chat about what to do, we'll be calling the agent and withdrawing our offer. We went in at our lowest offer and we thought that even that amount was too much for that house.

There will be other houses and to be honest, I'm not that worried. Yesterday when I was inspecting for the second time, I had a huge compulsion to get out of there - I was angry that I had made an offer on a place that wasn't worth it.

And then to top it off, the agent approached us whilst in the house and tried to tell us there was another offer being made on it on Monday! I told him that was fine, they could do that and we had submitted our only offer. We walked out.

We've decided a number of things. We're going to hold off house hunting until the following occurs:

• We have enough for the deposit - currently, we have enough, but at December/January, we will have a lot more!
• I finish probation in my new job - banks get edgy apparently when you are on probation and dont want to lend you anything!

Also, if we find that we're without a house to live in, we have a friend who has offered to let us stay for a few months, if need be. And if she can, her parents have a house renting around the corner which they might be able to rent to us for a short time.

So, we'll cope at this point. I'm glad it's not going ahead. House buying is stressful and you have to be on your toes a lot.

Now, I am going to finish my breakfast and take my dog to dog training, so she can socialise and be a happy free love puppy :)

Interesting...

Ethanol

The plot thickens...

Firstly, I want to say thanks to Verbsy and Peeps Sheep for being so nice and offering their support. There were a few others who were so supportive and encouraging about last night's post, it was sweet.

Secondly, I just wanted to say that Glen and I put an offer in on the house this afternoon, so fingers crossed. We have to go into the real estate agents' office on Saturday morning to sign off the offer form. So, we'll see. I reckon the vendor will at least consider the offer, and maybe counter offer.

Anyway, I'm happy now and if it doesn't happen, then I know I've done everything I could have. I'm not one of those people who likes to be told that I can't do something and although I wallowed in pity over the weekend, I am good now. I spent today hagglign with some loan guys and then talking to our broker friend, so we're going in the right direction again. For it, I think I have earned some new respect from a few people.

Ok. So, I have dropped some photos on flicker. I might only keep them temporarily, as there aren't mine - they are someone else's house. But it gives you an idea why I have been whingeing the last few days.

Bitter pills

There have been many ups and downs this weekend for me. I'm just suffering here a bit, I think. I have a tendency to get my hopes up, to get emotionally involved in the things I love, the things I want.

Glen and I have been house hunting. We basically got the go ahead last week from our friend to start looking at houses. He said we wouldn't be ready for a while - maybe 4-6 weeks he said. But he said we could look around and just get a feel for it. So, we did. We have narrowed down our search to about 3-4 suburbs. So, we have been concentrating on these suburbs and mostly, we like what we see.

We saw a house on Saturday - it was the first one we saw that day and I am ashamed to admit, I fell in love with it. It was an awesome little 3 bedroom weatherboard, obviously well maintained, someone loved it. The kitchen had been renovated, with lovely blue marbled tiles which spread out into the dining room. The spare toilet/bathroom had a funky clear glass sink - it rocked! It had a lovely deck out the back and huge big yard :) I hassled Glen all day. I kept bringing it up, we saw other places, but I was comparing them to the first one. I am just hopeless.

So, Glen finally caved. We called our friend. He said go for it, he gave us tips etc. I felt positive about it. Until we sat down and I realised one fucken huge big brick wall - I have only been in my job for 6 weeks. I am told that banks won't loan money to anyone who hasn't been in their current job for less than 3 months. So, we have another 6 weeks to wait and this means the house which was severely knocked down in price, will be gone. :( I'm so heartbroken.

I could totally see us living there. I knew when I walked in, that I could live there. It was how I wanted my house to be and I can't have it. The only thing we can do is sit and wait, maybe hope that the house is still there - which I severely doubt. Plus, who wants to sit and hope? That's too much for me now. In fact, Glen and I are laying off looking at houses until closer to my 3 month mark at work.

I'm so pissed off right now. Words can't describe it. Yeh, I know there'll be other houses, but if you know me, you know that I don't shop around and if I do, I usually end back at the place I started at. That's me, I go with my gut and I never regret such decisions. Going with my gut got me to Melbourne, it got me with Glen and it got us to where we are now, because I knew it was right and I could feel it. I hate waiting, I hate treading water when I know my mind is already made up. It's just so frustrating and friggin' annoying.

So, now the next 6 weeks will drag by, I bet you. And you know the crap part that I still haven't worked out? Is it another 6 weeks, or is it dead on 3 months - like I worked out 12 weeks to be 31 October, but technically 3 months is 8 November. So, which one is it? It's all stupendously crappy.

Release the hounds Smithers...

For the record. I'm a moron. An ignorant moron who should shut her trap when she's in a crap mood.

Ok. It appears that I have spoken without much foundation about the Ethanol debate, despite viewing a few websites which discussed Ethanol. So, please forgive me ok? I promise not to blog when I am in a crappy mood, or when I am not feeling well.

This is all I have to say, as I am still not feeling well and probably in a slightly crappy mood.

The fuel debate continues...

It would appear my previous post on fuel and boycotting the fuel companies has raised some thought amongst the readers. I would like to comment.

One reader raised their concern that what difference would it make to not purchase fuel one day as opposed to the day before, or the day after. The difference is a moral message, rather than a monetary impact. Yeh, sure it would be nice to see the fuel companies lose some money, but more than anything, I'm all about power to the people. Right now, I feel pretty bloody helpless when it comes to fuel and purchasing it. So, forgive me if a united voice doesnt raise some inspiration in me.

Another reader decided to respond anonymously. You all know how much it gets my goat to see people comment on my diary anonymously. It shits me in fact. For love of chocolate people, please just give me a name. Would it kill you?

Anyway, this reader, whom I am left with no choice but to call Anon, decided that we should all use Ethanol. It is the revolutionary fuel of the future apparently. Except for one major concern - where the fuck do you buy it from? It's a fabulous idea and I would say a lot of people would be all for it, except that it's not massed produced anywhere and your car has to be tailored to run on ethanol (it's an expensive operation to transfer your car over to it) - this is my research. Besides, Ethanol would probably be more expensive, given that it isn't mass produced! I recognise the economic impacts on farmers and being a country girl, I support it hugely. I also support the environmental impacts it leads to, but again it's out of my / our control. I can't control the legislation that the government has in place, or that the fuel companies command the market and its direction. So, fabulous idea Anon, but honestly, it's probably not a realistic option. It has been fixed so that we rely on petroleum, and maybe it's the cynic in me, but something tells me that ethanol isn't going to be saturating the Australian market any time soon. Again, this leads me back to the reason why I am supporting the No Fuel Day - currently, we are individuals suffering under the current fuel regime, but boycotting fuel that day unites us as one voice. It sends a message. It's a protest, right? Protests probably don't move mountains, but it voices an opinion.

Honestly, I see your points, but I refute them given the circumstances.

Now that I have ranted, I must now go relax and wait for the backlash from my comments.

Pay It Forward...

Novel concept, you might say but honestly, the premise behind it is pretty realistic. I remember seeing that movie for the first time thinking, “Oh great, another crusty Helen Hunt movie (she never did as well as she did in Girls Just Want to Have Fun) with Hayley Joel Osment and Kevin Spacey – the only decent actor in the movie!” But I watched it and I enjoyed it – mind you, I haven’t even seen it recently, so why am I thinking of it?

Good question. Today I was thinking about how emotionally guarded we all are. How society and events have altered our trust in people and therefore, our faith in humanity. You see, someone has offered us some furniture they don’t want anymore. For the pure reason that they have bought new furniture and don’t want to see the old furniture go to waste at the rubbish tip.

So, I was thinking how perfectly good this furniture is and how much Glen and I will appreciate it – it’s in good condition and just needs a makeover. I’m big on the DIY anyway! It occurred to me that I should thank these people. The trouble is, I don’t know them at all well – they are the parents of a friend. My friend is taking one or two pieces of furniture and the rest has been left to us. This amounts to 2 sets of bedside tables, 3 drawer sets and a bureau with huge fancy mirror. This stuff is a horrid colour of brown, but is in great condition. So, we’re going to sand it all down and repaint it. Simple.

My point is though, as soon as I thought about thanking them, I started pondering how I would do such a thing until I came up with, “I’m too scared and it’s not in my nature to be so outwardly appreciative and really, they don’t want it anyway, so they probably don’t want thanks!”. That’s where my thought processes led me.

You see, I realised that I had stopped being thankful for people around me, for what I have and what I will have. I am not a huge believer in making a big deal out of things, it draws attention to me and I felt awkward. I’ve always felt awkward expressing my feelings, especially to people I don’t know. I take time warming up to people, there are barriers all around me and it’s hard to get to know me. In fact, people use to and probably still do say that I look miserable and sad, when in fact, I am quite fine. I just hide my feelings.

I started thinking about when I started to hide my feelings, to reserve myself so much that to say a simple thank you with a card or gift became such a ‘no-go’ zone. And then I realised we’re all guilty of it and we’re getting worse. It leads me to believe that it stems from our continued mistrust or lack of faith in people. We are becoming more and more cynical, we see the worst in people, we view others we don’t know with scepticism and doubt. We are suspicious and therefore, we confine ourselves into a small world where no one else can get in. We isolate ourselves physically and emotionally and most of us haven’t realised it yet.

For me, it started long ago. It was born from a huge sense of loss. I have suffered a fair amount of loss for someone of my age – well, when I was a child, it was a huge amount of loss. I lost a father before I had one, I lost a sister and to an extent, I lost a mother who became emotionally isolated from me. She was unattainable and unavailable in many ways. She tried, I am sure, but I have suffered that emotional disconnection and I continue to retain parts of it now. You see, we learn as children from our parents – of course we do. What’s that old saying, “Do as I say, not as I do”. But we learn both – we learn from being told and we learn from example, from seeing it.

So, when did it start with the rest of the world? Sure, we all have our personal stories like mine, but has anyone else noticed it has become increasingly obvious in the last 3-4 years? I have. People are becoming more secretive, suspicious and cynical. We are hiding ourselves from hurt, assuming the worst of others. We are forgetting to treat each other with kindness.

How many times have I seen someone fire abuse at another for mistakenly cutting them off in traffic, or walking on front of them in the grocery store and not apologising? I’m guilty of it, I admit it. I have realised that I feel more free now to speak in such a manner to other people without fear of retribution, because on some level, I feel like it’s my basic right, that I have that anonymity offered by a big city environment. How many times have we seen a wallet on the ground and tucked it into our bag without consideration that someone misses it? Or that we don’t speak up when we see someone being mistreated?

I’m guilty of all of it and on some level I am ashamed. But then I think, “hang on! Everyone else is doing it! If I don’t protect myself, who else will?” and I think I am justified in thinking that.
On some level, I think it has a lot to do, or has been heightened by the terrorist activities taking place in the world. It’s all over the media, it’s everywhere.

I had a recent conversation with a friend about the plans I had should a terrorist attack occur in Melbourne. Then I thought about the people I would want to see saved and I thought “to hell with the rest of them!” It’s pretty selfish, right? Yeh, I know. But we’re all planning in the back of our minds, “What would I do, how would I get home, would I get out alive?” We’re all thinking it. Plus, it doesn’t help that the media is saturated with it. They are scare mongering and sometimes you need to take a big step back and reprocess what it all means, otherwise you get so tangled up in the mess, you start to live you life like there is no tomorrow.

So it leads me back to my original concern – why are we so hesitant to display kindness to others, to say thank you or to just be nice to each other? I can see exactly why, having thought about it more, but wouldn’t it be nice if just one of us started being nice to everyone they met; maybe the rest of us would find it contagious and pay it forward?

It’s a pretty naïve thought, right?