Life's a bit up in the air right now. I haven't felt much like blogging. I just can't force myself, so I am not going to.
I'm sure I'll start blogging again at some point. Maybe in a couple of weeks. I'm really not sure. I may even get my shit together and merge this blog and my other blog. Suffice to say, I'll be back, just check back every now and again. Hopefully, I'll stop feeling like I'm in a funk, like I'm in a haze or cloud and maybe I won't feel so left-behind.
Mostly, everything is ok. Don't be too alarmed. Just can't be bothered too much. Everything is fine. Glen and I are perfectly fine. Life is just a bit blah, it's changing too much and part of it depresses me.
Stay tuned.
Showing posts with label Future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Future. Show all posts
Wednesday, 29 November 2006
Monday, 6 November 2006
Should I stay or should I go...
...If I go there will be trouble
An if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know ...
I am dilemmarising. I want a blog that offers password protection and so far, my enquiries with blogger have not given me the response I want. I have opened an account with a rival blogging party, but I am torn by the fact that it is both slow to use, and a hassle to move my blog, yet again.
So, please inform me people. What shoudl I do? I really want to write some private posts, where only certain people can read. I know that some people might be offended when I don't give them the password, but I need to be myself and I need to be open and honest in my own way.
So yeh, please give me advice. If I do move, it'll be a work in progress and it might mean having two blogs open at once whilst I get my shit together.
An if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know ...
I am dilemmarising. I want a blog that offers password protection and so far, my enquiries with blogger have not given me the response I want. I have opened an account with a rival blogging party, but I am torn by the fact that it is both slow to use, and a hassle to move my blog, yet again.
So, please inform me people. What shoudl I do? I really want to write some private posts, where only certain people can read. I know that some people might be offended when I don't give them the password, but I need to be myself and I need to be open and honest in my own way.
So yeh, please give me advice. If I do move, it'll be a work in progress and it might mean having two blogs open at once whilst I get my shit together.
Sunday, 8 October 2006
Relieving the past...
We had a productive day in the kitchen today. We finally got the exhaust fan installed, like I said below. All is good - well, it's getting better.
Tonight, I decided to have a shower because it was getting late and my knee was killing me. The hot shower really helped. Outside in the kitchen, Glen was preparing our lunches for work tomorrow. You see, in our house we have wooden floorboards and so, it's very easy to hear when someone is walking around. So, I'm washing my hair and letting the hot water run over my head and warm me, when I hear him walking around the house. To me, in the shower, it sounds rather heavy, like he's cranking and instantly, I freak out and expect him to come crashing through the bathroom door to yell at me.
Why would I think that? My childhood.
Whenever I did something wrong, my mother would yell and it has had a very big impact on my life. I don't respond well to loud noises, yelling or anyone who 'appears' to be unhappy with me. I totally crumble and get very upset. I am rather sensitive to a person's mood, so if they sound unhappy or irritable, I instantly feel like I've caused it.
Please hear me when I say this, Glen has never yelled at me, never chastised me or burst into the room after I've done something wrong. He isn't that kind of person. I am so totally lucky that I shouldn't have to feel insecure like I used to. I shouldn't feel on edge and uncertain about his moods. But I do.
This is my childhood upbringing and this doesn't fault my mother, because she never hit me. Yes, she raised her voice and I guess that's why i respond so quickly to someone yelling. I'm just very sensitive to it.
So, I sit here, thankful that I live with a very caring person who loves me for who I am and who doesn't treat me like a child. However, I still feel on edge, I still expect to be yelled at and chastised and I'm just waiting and watching his moods, wondering what it is he means when he says something. I read too much into everything.
When will I get over it and what sort of behaviours would I be passing onto my children? It's scary that I might pass on my idiosyncracies and hangups to someone so innocent. And will I yell at my children like my mother, so that they might become 30 years old and still wince when yelled at, or near?
Tonight, I decided to have a shower because it was getting late and my knee was killing me. The hot shower really helped. Outside in the kitchen, Glen was preparing our lunches for work tomorrow. You see, in our house we have wooden floorboards and so, it's very easy to hear when someone is walking around. So, I'm washing my hair and letting the hot water run over my head and warm me, when I hear him walking around the house. To me, in the shower, it sounds rather heavy, like he's cranking and instantly, I freak out and expect him to come crashing through the bathroom door to yell at me.
Why would I think that? My childhood.
Whenever I did something wrong, my mother would yell and it has had a very big impact on my life. I don't respond well to loud noises, yelling or anyone who 'appears' to be unhappy with me. I totally crumble and get very upset. I am rather sensitive to a person's mood, so if they sound unhappy or irritable, I instantly feel like I've caused it.
Please hear me when I say this, Glen has never yelled at me, never chastised me or burst into the room after I've done something wrong. He isn't that kind of person. I am so totally lucky that I shouldn't have to feel insecure like I used to. I shouldn't feel on edge and uncertain about his moods. But I do.
This is my childhood upbringing and this doesn't fault my mother, because she never hit me. Yes, she raised her voice and I guess that's why i respond so quickly to someone yelling. I'm just very sensitive to it.
So, I sit here, thankful that I live with a very caring person who loves me for who I am and who doesn't treat me like a child. However, I still feel on edge, I still expect to be yelled at and chastised and I'm just waiting and watching his moods, wondering what it is he means when he says something. I read too much into everything.
When will I get over it and what sort of behaviours would I be passing onto my children? It's scary that I might pass on my idiosyncracies and hangups to someone so innocent. And will I yell at my children like my mother, so that they might become 30 years old and still wince when yelled at, or near?
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