When did I lose my sight...

I feel like an absolute shit of a human today. This is all despite the fact that I contributed to the sum total assumption of many that my manager is a moron. I assure you, my manager is not a moron, but because of my lack of foresight and perhaps, experience, I made her look foolish and incompetent. I have been grovelling all afternoon and bashing my head against a thick and hard surface.

no, that's not why I feel like an absolute shit of a human being. You see, my normal routine when I get home is to open up the gates, let Clio into the back of the car (easier to put her there than to run her over!!) and drive the car in. I usually make a deviation to the mail box and to get the bin. Today, it was bin day and as I was bringing Clio to the car, I saw a child of about 11 years old; a boy, riding his bike around the court. My first instinct was to hold onto Clio as I knew she would want to go play with him and would have probably inadvertantly knocked him from his bike! Anyway, I shoved her into the car and went to get the mail. The child called out to me and asked if I wanted assistance getting my bins in. My first reaction was to say no, but as I was saying it, I tried to dilute the ungratefulness of it all and suggested that he was a nice boy, but to please continue riding, because that seemed like more fun.

Now, I feel like a shit because I knew he wanted to help, he's new to the neighbourhood and I know he's a country boy. i also know that the lure of said black labrador puppy dog is very hard to refuse. So, i knew all of this and I was such a short, curt city-dwelling freak, I put a stop to anything he suggested and probably ruined his day.

And for that, I am a shit.

When did I become so unapproachable, defensive and secretive? These are all traits that, as a child, I knew to be held by city-dwellers. Not by a former country town dwelling child, as I am, was. So, when did I stop being friendly and when did I start being a miserable old cow? i swear. If I wasn't employed, young and with a boyfriend, I could be known as that miserable old woman at the end of the court!!

I hope this makes sense and it probably doesnt help that my day was already shit when I got home and being approached by a harmless and very helpful 11 year old, just totally took me by surprise. Perhaps it took me by surprise because since being here, he's the first neighbour around me, in any of the locations I have lived, who has actually shown interest in being friendly, in helping and being generally nice. I now feel compelled in offering a peace offering of some sort, but how do you approach a child now? I cant rock up to their front door and just say, "HEY! I'm that miserable cow from accross the road who rebuffed you!! Wanna play?" Naw.

Shit on me and my crappy new approach to humanity.