Trials and tribulations...

I'm sulking. I was called into the GM's office today and delivered the bad news. No new, exciting job for me. Apparently the girl who has been offered the position has extensive experience which couldn't be ignored. I'll survive. I'm a bit lost, but then I'm always lost when it comes to my career, when it comes to doing something I really love. You see, my jobs have never been something I really love, that I am passionate about. That makes me feel lost. But anyway, I'll sulk for a few days and then I'll get back to reality.

I've also realised today that a friend I have been having huge amounts of issues with is just a lost cause. We don't understand each other, there's always miscommunication and generally, we're just not good together. I realised too that her notion of who I am and the things I say is not who I am and is not what I mean. So, her take on me is inaccurate, but when she tells me it's my fault, or that I am overreacting, it's wrong. Being her friend really makes me question myself. So when she tells me I am overreacting, I often question myself, to the point where I doubt myself. When, in fact, I should trust my instincts and not listen to her. But it's hard and it's never going to work. I'm tired of the conflict, tired of the constant miscommunication and I'm tired of being undermined for my feelings. I hope that makes sense. It was like a bit of an epiphany today for me. It's been very hard for me to reconcile this friendship, trying to work out why I don't want it, and then sometimes, she is a good friend. I have felt very conflicted about this friendship and I think I've agonised over it more than she or anyone else has. But generally, this friendship is just unhealthy for me and it just can't work like that. I kinda have to be selfish about it.

Now, how do I actually tell her?