I've resigned myself to this life...

I came into work extra early this morning. This is on top of the fact that I dragged myself out of bed this morning at 4am to heat my wheat pillow and make a cup of tea, plus gulp down more nurofens for my migraine. It helped slightly, but it was raging again by the time I woke up at 7am.

Anyway, I went to work early to get some privacy and call my manager to let her know I was resigning. I left her a message on her desk phone and I waited. People started arriving into the office, so I called her mobile. I left a message. Finally, 20 minutes later, I get a phone call from her colleague to let me know she had called in sick. Great. So, I organised to speak with her manager, who is also my day-to-day manager and I broke the news to him. It went fine and in fact, he apologised to me because the nature of the role had changed significantly and he felt very guilty about it. After assuring him that I didn't blame him, he wished me well and said he'd speak to my manager about organising a time for me to leave.

I stumbled through work today, and decided to leave at 1pm, since my head was still pounding. I came home and slept for a little while and then had to yell at my freakin' dog as she was barking at our neighbours who were obviously getting their hot water system replaced. She WOULD NOT STOP! So, I stumbled outside, bashed her on the head - because that's what happens when you go to smack you dog and she bounced up to meet you halfway and then dragged her inside and made her sleep at the foot of my bed while I passed out again.

So, here I am, not ready for tomorrow, but the moment is coming closer. I hope tomorrow is quick, I hope I come home, I hope I make it through and wake up. These are all my fears and I know they are irrational, but there is a small element to them that makes them very real. I am bearing my soul to you here, telling you that I am afraid of dying and it's a very shitty thing to be faced with. In the end, I guess you just have to have faith and trust that the doctors and nurses know what they are doing. I know I am dramatic, but I guess that's just how much I don't want to die.

Anyway, one of the big hiccups is over. Also, we have organised to have our floorboards polished on the 27th May - that's less than 2 weeks! So, we'll be moving out of the house and boarding the animals for this to be done. I'll be fairly quiet those days, except for being at work, but there'll be no updates to blogger.

Take care everyone and I'll be back a bit later in the week, maybe with some not-so-stunning photos of my bugs bunny impersonation!