Pay It Forward...

Novel concept, you might say but honestly, the premise behind it is pretty realistic. I remember seeing that movie for the first time thinking, “Oh great, another crusty Helen Hunt movie (she never did as well as she did in Girls Just Want to Have Fun) with Hayley Joel Osment and Kevin Spacey – the only decent actor in the movie!” But I watched it and I enjoyed it – mind you, I haven’t even seen it recently, so why am I thinking of it?

Good question. Today I was thinking about how emotionally guarded we all are. How society and events have altered our trust in people and therefore, our faith in humanity. You see, someone has offered us some furniture they don’t want anymore. For the pure reason that they have bought new furniture and don’t want to see the old furniture go to waste at the rubbish tip.

So, I was thinking how perfectly good this furniture is and how much Glen and I will appreciate it – it’s in good condition and just needs a makeover. I’m big on the DIY anyway! It occurred to me that I should thank these people. The trouble is, I don’t know them at all well – they are the parents of a friend. My friend is taking one or two pieces of furniture and the rest has been left to us. This amounts to 2 sets of bedside tables, 3 drawer sets and a bureau with huge fancy mirror. This stuff is a horrid colour of brown, but is in great condition. So, we’re going to sand it all down and repaint it. Simple.

My point is though, as soon as I thought about thanking them, I started pondering how I would do such a thing until I came up with, “I’m too scared and it’s not in my nature to be so outwardly appreciative and really, they don’t want it anyway, so they probably don’t want thanks!”. That’s where my thought processes led me.

You see, I realised that I had stopped being thankful for people around me, for what I have and what I will have. I am not a huge believer in making a big deal out of things, it draws attention to me and I felt awkward. I’ve always felt awkward expressing my feelings, especially to people I don’t know. I take time warming up to people, there are barriers all around me and it’s hard to get to know me. In fact, people use to and probably still do say that I look miserable and sad, when in fact, I am quite fine. I just hide my feelings.

I started thinking about when I started to hide my feelings, to reserve myself so much that to say a simple thank you with a card or gift became such a ‘no-go’ zone. And then I realised we’re all guilty of it and we’re getting worse. It leads me to believe that it stems from our continued mistrust or lack of faith in people. We are becoming more and more cynical, we see the worst in people, we view others we don’t know with scepticism and doubt. We are suspicious and therefore, we confine ourselves into a small world where no one else can get in. We isolate ourselves physically and emotionally and most of us haven’t realised it yet.

For me, it started long ago. It was born from a huge sense of loss. I have suffered a fair amount of loss for someone of my age – well, when I was a child, it was a huge amount of loss. I lost a father before I had one, I lost a sister and to an extent, I lost a mother who became emotionally isolated from me. She was unattainable and unavailable in many ways. She tried, I am sure, but I have suffered that emotional disconnection and I continue to retain parts of it now. You see, we learn as children from our parents – of course we do. What’s that old saying, “Do as I say, not as I do”. But we learn both – we learn from being told and we learn from example, from seeing it.

So, when did it start with the rest of the world? Sure, we all have our personal stories like mine, but has anyone else noticed it has become increasingly obvious in the last 3-4 years? I have. People are becoming more secretive, suspicious and cynical. We are hiding ourselves from hurt, assuming the worst of others. We are forgetting to treat each other with kindness.

How many times have I seen someone fire abuse at another for mistakenly cutting them off in traffic, or walking on front of them in the grocery store and not apologising? I’m guilty of it, I admit it. I have realised that I feel more free now to speak in such a manner to other people without fear of retribution, because on some level, I feel like it’s my basic right, that I have that anonymity offered by a big city environment. How many times have we seen a wallet on the ground and tucked it into our bag without consideration that someone misses it? Or that we don’t speak up when we see someone being mistreated?

I’m guilty of all of it and on some level I am ashamed. But then I think, “hang on! Everyone else is doing it! If I don’t protect myself, who else will?” and I think I am justified in thinking that.
On some level, I think it has a lot to do, or has been heightened by the terrorist activities taking place in the world. It’s all over the media, it’s everywhere.

I had a recent conversation with a friend about the plans I had should a terrorist attack occur in Melbourne. Then I thought about the people I would want to see saved and I thought “to hell with the rest of them!” It’s pretty selfish, right? Yeh, I know. But we’re all planning in the back of our minds, “What would I do, how would I get home, would I get out alive?” We’re all thinking it. Plus, it doesn’t help that the media is saturated with it. They are scare mongering and sometimes you need to take a big step back and reprocess what it all means, otherwise you get so tangled up in the mess, you start to live you life like there is no tomorrow.

So it leads me back to my original concern – why are we so hesitant to display kindness to others, to say thank you or to just be nice to each other? I can see exactly why, having thought about it more, but wouldn’t it be nice if just one of us started being nice to everyone they met; maybe the rest of us would find it contagious and pay it forward?

It’s a pretty naïve thought, right?