Bitter pills

There have been many ups and downs this weekend for me. I'm just suffering here a bit, I think. I have a tendency to get my hopes up, to get emotionally involved in the things I love, the things I want.

Glen and I have been house hunting. We basically got the go ahead last week from our friend to start looking at houses. He said we wouldn't be ready for a while - maybe 4-6 weeks he said. But he said we could look around and just get a feel for it. So, we did. We have narrowed down our search to about 3-4 suburbs. So, we have been concentrating on these suburbs and mostly, we like what we see.

We saw a house on Saturday - it was the first one we saw that day and I am ashamed to admit, I fell in love with it. It was an awesome little 3 bedroom weatherboard, obviously well maintained, someone loved it. The kitchen had been renovated, with lovely blue marbled tiles which spread out into the dining room. The spare toilet/bathroom had a funky clear glass sink - it rocked! It had a lovely deck out the back and huge big yard :) I hassled Glen all day. I kept bringing it up, we saw other places, but I was comparing them to the first one. I am just hopeless.

So, Glen finally caved. We called our friend. He said go for it, he gave us tips etc. I felt positive about it. Until we sat down and I realised one fucken huge big brick wall - I have only been in my job for 6 weeks. I am told that banks won't loan money to anyone who hasn't been in their current job for less than 3 months. So, we have another 6 weeks to wait and this means the house which was severely knocked down in price, will be gone. :( I'm so heartbroken.

I could totally see us living there. I knew when I walked in, that I could live there. It was how I wanted my house to be and I can't have it. The only thing we can do is sit and wait, maybe hope that the house is still there - which I severely doubt. Plus, who wants to sit and hope? That's too much for me now. In fact, Glen and I are laying off looking at houses until closer to my 3 month mark at work.

I'm so pissed off right now. Words can't describe it. Yeh, I know there'll be other houses, but if you know me, you know that I don't shop around and if I do, I usually end back at the place I started at. That's me, I go with my gut and I never regret such decisions. Going with my gut got me to Melbourne, it got me with Glen and it got us to where we are now, because I knew it was right and I could feel it. I hate waiting, I hate treading water when I know my mind is already made up. It's just so frustrating and friggin' annoying.

So, now the next 6 weeks will drag by, I bet you. And you know the crap part that I still haven't worked out? Is it another 6 weeks, or is it dead on 3 months - like I worked out 12 weeks to be 31 October, but technically 3 months is 8 November. So, which one is it? It's all stupendously crappy.