Blue funk

I've been in a blue funk for a while now. It pretty much hit when we moved into the house which is ironic because buying and subsequently moving into our own house would be a very happy event - I have the exact opposite reaction.

A blue funk is a term my mother coined for my dark, black moods as a teenager. A dark mood which I was unable to surface from for many hours or many days. The blue funk would come for no reason and for no reason, it would just disappear.

When in a BF, I want to be in a good mood and sometimes finding myself almost smiling, but because of the BF, I ignore the reason for smiling and push myself back in. It is like I want to continue punishing myself and feel better if I am in it.

I know it is odd. I often wonder sometimes if I suffer from chronic depression, or something else undiagnosed. It seems seriously weird to me that when things are good, I go into a BF. It's like an overreaction to a positive event, or perhaps an overwhelming feeling or emotion I can't comprehend.

I'm in a BF now. I hate it, but am kind of enjoying it. It's easier to be in it, than to get out of it.

Meanwhile, the people around me suffer my pleasantness. These people being Glen. At work, I seem to be ok, though I am sure that I am not quite myself. Sometimes work helps to ignore it. I don't know how long I'll be in this funk, but I know that I go quiet for it and I do have a preference to be by myself a lot - which makes it hard to live with someone.

I'm such a fucken basketcase.